It feels sacrilegious going after a fellow ginger but I don’t care – Ed Sheeran can absolutely do one.
That self-serving, disrespectful little pillock gate-crashed Ruben Amorim’s post-match interview as if a bunch of prepubescent girls, rather than die-hard Manchester United fans, were watching.
He claimed afterwards that he didn’t realise they were on air, but that's a dumber excuse than all those times Jurgen Klopp blamed the wind for Liverpool’s defeats.
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What did he think they were doing standing in front of a bunch of cameras holding microphones, waiting for a bus?
Ed, you might be famous, but your music’s about as interesting as Alan Shearer’s punditry, so take your attention-seeking elsewhere you wally.
Pep Guardiola
It's been fun, Pep. But for the sake of competition please bugger off. (Image: PA)
P*ss off, Pep
So Pep Guardiola has signed an extension at Manchester City and on behalf of the English football community: b*llocks. Don’t get me wrong, for me, he’s the greatest of all time. It’s just that he’s turned the top-end of the Premier League into The Rest Is Football podcast, i.e. a monotonous, unstimulating snooze-fest.
City hoovering up titles got older faster than Wayne Rooney did, and as fun as it is to marvel at the enduring brilliance of Pep and his army of algorithmic androids, I’m now like Southampton fans with Russell Martin – fed up and begging for someone else.
Sure, they just lost five in a row, but thinking they’re down and out is like thinking Raheem Sterling will square it to a team-mate in a 2v1 situation. Foolish.
Football needs competition and variation, otherwise it’s a boring, predictable mess, like United were under Erik ten Hag. So for the love of God, please let this be the last contract Guardiola signs at the Etihad, because at this point I’d rather watch paint dry, harden and polymerise than watch City add to their ‘we-get-it-already’ trophy collection.
Christian Pulisic doing the 'Trump dance'
Christian Pulisic did the 'Trump dance' after scoring for his country last week
Relax, politics-obsessed weirdos
People were fuming about Christian Pulisic doing the Donald Trump dance the other day and honestly they need to grow up more than Lisandro Martinez does when he’s reaching for the top shelf.
Papers in the UK accused him of ‘bad leadership’. Tim Howard called him ‘stupid’. But to that, I say: sod off, you self-righteous, dogmatic numpties.
All he did was mimic Trump’s silly dance after a goal – a dance that’s gone viral across party lines, by the way. It’s not as if he slipped a MAGA hat on, and even if he did, so what? Just cross him off the sustainable Jeremy Corbyn tote bag mailing list and move on.
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I don’t particularly like Trump, but what I like even less is this arrogant, simplistic mindset that showing him anything other than contempt is immoral.
For me, we all need to be like Tottenham trying to win trophies in these circumstances, and remember not to take the situation – or ourselves – too seriously.