In a heartfelt interview with Sky Sports, Ipswich's Kalvin Phillips says he lost the "fire in the belly" for football in his two years at Man City before his loan move.
Phillips was tipped for big things after being moulded into an all-round defensive lynchpin by Marcelo Bielsa at Leeds and helping his boyhood club to promotion in 2020, before he was named England's player of the year 12 months later.
His form for club and country brought Manchester City calling in the summer of 2022, but from there his upward curve quickly changed direction.
Phillips played just 290 minutes in his first season at the Etihad, and was labelled overweight by Pep Guardiola on his return from the Qatar World Cup that December.
The struggle for minutes was only exacerbated by a calamitous loan spell at West Ham in the second half of last season, where the 28-year-old became a figure of fun for his error-laden performances before he missed out on the England squad for Euro 2024 altogether.
Speaking to Sky Sports wearing the colours of Ipswich, where he moved on loan in August, Phillips revealed how much the limelight and notoriety surrounding his career at the Etihad has affected him - and why the search for a quieter life played a part in joining the Tractor Boys this summer.
"I knew a lot about the club, and it was a decision I wanted to make to get out of the eye line of the media so much and focus on playing football, focus on my family as well," he said.
"At City, you can train with the best players every single day but if you're not playing football every day, it's difficult to stay fit, it's difficult to stay confident.
"When there are times you're feeling like you could play and the manager decides to go down a different route, it does hurt a little bit. The more I wasn't playing, the less confident I got, the less fit I got.
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"I just wanted to get that feeling back. I felt like I lost some fire in my belly to compete sometimes, but ever since I've been here, and even in pre-season when I played a lot of minutes I got that fire back, and made the decision to come here to play football and get back doing enjoying what I do.
"It has a similar feeling here to the season at Leeds when we got promoted. We're different in what we do, we're very intense and for me it's about enjoying the season and for the lads too."
Phillips' fall from grace could not have been more public given his relative exile during City's relentless winning streak, where he made just three starts across their Premier League, FA Cup and Champions League treble in 2023.
His lack of minutes, even with Pep Guardiola's desire to rotate at times during that season, drew its own intrigue - which turned towards some stinging criticism in the second half of last season during his loan at the London Stadium.
"For everyone, it affects you," Phillips said of the media spotlight. "If you read it it's going to have an impact. I'm quite thick-skinned anyway, someone can say something to me and I'll laugh it off.
"But when you're not playing and people are making negative comments, it's hard to show people what you're capable of. That's one thing I did struggle with.
"It's amazing to say I'm part of a treble-winning team, I've won the league twice. But when you're not involved as much as you'd like to be, it doesn't feel the same. It was an amazing time and moment, but I feel like had I played more, got more of a chance, it would have felt more special."
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Phillips revealed the move to Suffolk has "lifted a weight" from his shoulders, having already bettered his league minutes from last season by the end of November.
That has been aided by the impact of Ipswich boss Kieran McKenna, who has worked one-on-one with the 28-year-old on the pressure he puts on himself on and off the pitch.
"The manager's helped me in certain situations, which has helped me go out and enjoy every day and every game," he revealed. "I get quite frustrated with myself at certain times, especially in training. I'm quite hot-headed and Kieran's told me from the first day, don't worry about it. It's part of football, it's a game of mistakes.
"As long as you can deal with certain mistakes better than others, that's fine. He's pushed me to be less hard on myself - my head might go for 10 minutes in a session and I'd lose more than gain anything doing that.
"I've thought about speaking to people, psychologists, and I've been a person who's not really wanted to do that. But Kieran spoke to me about it, and I'm just about to speak to someone and see if they can shed any light on why I'm doing it."
Kieran McKenna (right) has helped Phillips deal with his own mental frustrations in training and suggested seeing a psychologist
Image: Kieran McKenna (right) has helped Phillips deal with his own mental frustrations in training and suggested seeing a psychologist
Of course, Ipswich's main aim - and Phillips' - is to avoid an instant return to the Championship this season, and a three-game unbeaten streak, plus their first win of the season, suggests they may have enough in the tank to do just that.
But on a personal note, the 31-cap England midfielder has another target in mind given his taste of the international stage, and integral part of his country's run to the Euro 2020 final barely three years ago.
"For me personally, being back with England would be one of my main objectives," he says. "Obviously I want to play as many games as I can anyway, but it would be a great feeling after missing the Euros.
"I was devastated about that, but I could understand it. It's a good goal to get back there."