ARSENAL’S Men In Black destroyed West Ham with dark arts, ruthless calm and flashes of deadly beauty.
And Julen Lopetegui’s team must wish the Gunners also had the magic Neuralyzer gadget from the Will Smith films to wipe this Hammer house of horror show from their memory.
Arsenal smashed West Ham 5-2 at the London Stadium
Arsenal smashed West Ham 5-2 at the London StadiumCredit: Getty
The Gunners netted all of their goals in the first half
The Gunners netted all of their goals in the first halfCredit: AP
West Ham were left stunned as they struggled to impress
West Ham were left stunned as they struggled to impressCredit: PA
The result moved Arsenal to second in the table
The result moved Arsenal to second in the tableCredit: Getty
But no-one who witnessed it will ever forget a half of football that made Hollywood’s best attempt to do football, Escape To Victory, look realistic.
Only three times before has the Premier League come up with a script featuring seven goals in the opening 45 minutes.
When the first four of them went to Arsenal, a significant number of home fans headed for the exits.
Some of them returned when their team quickly pulled two back.
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Yet their hopes of an incredible resurrection took a blow in the chops when goalkeeper Lukasz Fabianski caught Arsenal defender Gabriel in the head while trying to punch clear another of those pesky corners.
Like the Men in Black sequels, the goalless second half was not as good but Mikel Arteta will not care much.
With three emphatic wins in a week, Arsenal have let Liverpool and Manchester City know they are very much still around ahead of their title rivals meeting at Anfield on Sunday.
Just as in the victories against Nottingham Forest and Sporting Lisbon, the combination of Bukayo Saka and Martin Odegaard was at times irresistible.
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Certainly by a West Ham side who gave them plenty of help.
You could write a book about the first half. The basic plot was Arsenal doing all the things they do best (which doesn’t include defending this season).
West Ham fans filmed walking out after 34 minutes as they fall 4-0 down to Arsenal... before comeback begins
Centre back Gabriel was supposedly a doubt for the game.
But when Saka prepared to take a corner, surely there was no confusion in the minds of the West Ham players about which opponent they needed to mark most closely.
In scenes more reminiscent of American football, a large cluster of players from both sides gathered beyond the far post, deep in the penalty area.
Antonio was supposed to be on Gabriel, but as the routine unfolded, the Gunners centre back worked his way free with the help of his blockers.
Meanwhile at the near post, Jurrien Timber gave Lucas Paqeta a nudge in the back that stopped him heading away Saka’s inswinging delivery.
Gabriel Magalhaes opened the scoring after 10 minutes
Gabriel Magalhaes opened the scoring after 10 minutesCredit: AFP
Leandro Trossard doubled Arsenal's lead
Leandro Trossard doubled Arsenal's leadCredit: PA
And that left Gabriel free as a bird to glance the ball into the net.
It’s all very slick and clever, but is it football?
The tinfoil-hat brigade among the Arsenal fans love to believe that on-field officials, VAR’s and basically the whole world is involved in a conspiracy against them.
Or in favour of Manchester City. Or…something.
Yet they have strangely little to say about some of the blatant obstruction, crafty fouls and general s**thousery that their team is allowed to practise without fear of punishment.
Martin Odegaard made it 3-0 from the penalty spot
Martin Odegaard made it 3-0 from the penalty spotCredit: Reuters
Soon it was 4-0 thanks to Kai Havertz
Soon it was 4-0 thanks to Kai HavertzCredit: Getty
Crysencio Summerville’s sumptuous finish was ruled out for offside and it was brief respite from sustained Arsenal pressure.
Saka shot wide when well placed before causing more mayhem from a corner.
Then he created the beautiful second goal, the first of three in nine minutes.
After laying the ball inside to Odegaard, the England winger made a crafty run into the box.
He controlled his captain’s delicious return pass on his left thigh then crossed immediately with his right foot. Leandro Trossard could not miss, and didn’t.
Numerous West Ham fans were filmed leaving their seats
Numerous West Ham fans were filmed leaving their seats
They missed a quickfire Hammers double from Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Emerson Palmieri
They missed a quickfire Hammers double from Aaron Wan-Bissaka and Emerson PalmieriCredit: Reuters
Saka’s next assist came when he went down under Paqueta’s challenge to earn a softish penalty.
Odegaard stroked it home. Amazingly it soon got worse for the Hammers.
Max Kilman failed to cut out Trossard’s long ball and Kai Havertz scored confidently.
Some West Ham fans had seen enough. They missed Aaron Wan-Bissaka scoring from a Carlos Soler pass and Emerson clipping home a fabulous free kick.
It was crazy knockabout stuff, proper Saturday teatime entertainment.
Things went a little less family-friendly when an Emerson foul on Saka led to a melee and both players receiving yellow cards.
Bukayo Saka put the game to bed before half-time with another penalty
Bukayo Saka put the game to bed before half-time with another penaltyCredit: Getty
The result saw Arsenal move to second in the table
The result saw Arsenal move to second in the tableCredit: Getty
The final mad moment of a crazy half of football came when Fabianski tried to punch another Saka corner clear but only succeeded in hitting Gabriel.
After Saka converted the spotkick to make it 5-2, there was still time for Emerson to force David Raya into a fine save with another free kick.
Gabriel did not appear for the second half. Nor did the great entertainment.
Like zombies at the drive-in, West Ham attempted to rise from the dead again. Bowen fired off target and Antonio’s shot was deflected wide.
There were a few oohs and aahs as the ball ricocheted around the Arsenal penalty area a couple of times, but nothing clear-cut until the death.
The Gunners' attitude was more about control and contain than scoring further goals.
Although they looked dangerous on the break and Saka’s corners continued to terrify the Hammers, Fabianski’s only decent save was from Odegaard.
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The managers made use of all their substitutes and Danny Ings should have scored in stoppage time after rounding Raya.
But after Fabianski’s fist struck the final telling blow of that unbelievable first half, there was no changing the outcome.