Arne Slot is absolutely raging after Liverpool’s 1-0 win at Girona, while there are volumes being spoken all over the shop today.
Running on fumes
Lord knows the Daily Mail don’t need any tips or advice from the likes of Mediawatch, but we would humbly suggest that if you’re going to have this headline…
Fuming Arne Slot declares himself ‘far from pleased’ as he tears into Liverpool performance – despite making it six wins from six against Girona in the Champions League
…and this intro…
An angry Arne Slot on Tuesday night fumed that he was ‘far from pleased’ with his team despite Liverpool beating Girona to make it six from six in Europe.
…then maybe don’t also include a video of an at-worst-very-mildly-irked Arne Slot calmly explaining the things he wasn’t happy about in Liverpool’s undeniably unconvincing 1-0 win at Girona.
Even written down, it’s hard to really see the fume or the anger in his quotes. Genuinely: he’s not angry, he’s just disappointed.
“If you ask me about all the six games, I’m really pleased with all the results. I’m really pleased with the first five games, but I’m far from pleased about the performance tonight.
“What wasn’t I pleased about? I wasn’t pleased with a lot. If you play against a team that has such a good idea about football and knows how to bring the ball out from the back like some of the teams we’ve played recently such as Real Madrid and Manchester City, you need to be so intense if you want to make it difficult for them.
“But if you are waiting a few seconds to press them then this team can cause you a lot of problems. I almost feel sorry for them as they deserve so much more.
“We have an incredible goalkeeper. But the other thing is every time we lost the ball, we were not aggressive enough and they could go almost all the way to our goal and have a shot.
“We had hardly any control at all over the game. Maybe the second half was a bit better – I’m trying to be positive.”
Don’t make him angry, you wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
Still, Slot’s follow-up quote on Alisson is a reminder that he is a fast learner about the ways of the UK football press.
“I said as a joke that maybe players wanted to see how fit he really was, so to give him so much work.”
Makes it so much harder to misrepresent an obvious joke when you literally say it is a joke. Fully expect his next press conference to begin “I am neither angry nor indeed fuming…”
Dig for victory
Of course, pretending Slot was angry or fuming is only one route available here. The Mirror chose a different if equally disingenuous tack that comes close to completing Reach bingo.
Arne Slot’s brutal four-word dig at Liverpool players speaks volumes
We’d have liked an ‘I heard Arne Slot’s brutal four-word dig and it speaks volumes’ but that’s very greedy of us. When we’ve already got brutal, dig, volumes being spoken and four words chopped out of a 192-word answer it’s ridiculous to want more.
“I’m far from pleased” was the four-word dig in question, by the way, something he said in the same sentence as the three-word blast “I’m really pleased”. See, Reach? We can all play this cherry-picking game.
Arse out
Roll up, roll up, it’s a Mediawatch favourite, courtesy of the Mirror.
Jose Mourinho tells Arsenal transfer target to join Real Madrid instead
You already know the game. You already know the question. You already know the prize is one shiny yet fictitious British pound. And most importantly you already know the answer is indeed that Jose Mourinho mentioned Arsenal zero times when airing his thoughts on Real Madrid and Carlo Ancelotti.
Bonus points are on offer for the obvious much harder question, to which the answer is on this occasion ‘Nico Williams’.
Pump up the volume
Sticking with the Mirror and Mediawatch favourites, we have several philosophical questions about this headline.
Dan Ashworth alarm bell speaks volumes about Arsenal’s decision to appoint him
Can an alarm bell speak? Can anything at all speak volumes about a decision that has not been made yet and may very well not be at all?
And most importantly, where can we purchase a Dan Ashworth alarm bell? Seems to Mediawatch like it’s the ideal Christmas gift for relatives both young and old.
Second Mention of the Day
Mediawatch loves a bit of elegant variation as much as the next snarky daily lunchtime football media round-up. But it’s somehow always funnier in football stories when the second mentions aren’t actually football-related.
Like this wonderful entry from The Sun in a piece about Panathinaikos heading to Shrewsbury to take on The New Saints in the Conference League this week.
‘As SunSport paid a visit, the only proper Greek restaurant in Shrewsbury – Exo Poli, just over a mile away from the ground – promises ‘a little bit of Crete’ for customers heading to the match.
‘Closer still is the Charles Darwin pub, named after the ‘theory of evolution’ naturalist who was born in the town.’
We particularly like the scare quotes.