Everyone’s banging on about Arsenal’s set-piece coach, but what they really need is an open play coach.
I’ll admit, the Gunners have become so bloody good at corners they’d probably podium at the Monaco Grand Prix, but they now rely on them more than Trent Alexander-Arnold relies on his team-mates to defend for him.
I’m not a big xG (Expected Goals) guy, but the stats are glaring – the sort of glaring that Plymouth Argyle fans must be doing at whoever decided to give Wayne Rooney a job.
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They produced a paltry open play xG of 0.3 against Fulham, and across the season they’ve managed just 15.9, which is the 10th highest in the league (that’s Tottenham -levels of mediocre).
It’s all well and good becoming the Stoke City of corners, but by doing so they’ve Stokeified every other part of their game which is as counterproductive as Andre Onana is between the sticks.
Arsenal and Fulham players during a corner
Arsenal are now incredible at corners... but that's all they're incredible at (Image: Getty)
Stew-pidity
Tottenham’s stewards are about as rubbish as the boots Marc Cucurella wore at the start of Chelsea’s win at Spurs on Sunday. The Blues had 10 corners during the game, and every single time someone went over to take one they were pelted with missiles from the stands.
And what did the gormless security staff do about it? Exactly what Andre Onana does when objects come flying at him: nothing, basically.
What’s the point of having stewards if all they’re going to do in a situation like that is pull an Erling Haaland when he faces a decent team and go missing? They can’t just sit on the side of the pitch twiddling their thumbs and expect to pick up a pay cheque – that’s Richarlison’s job!
Cole Palmer looks on after rubbish from the stands is thrown at him during Chelsea's win over Tottenham
Chelsea players were showered with missiles at every corner... and the stewards did nothing about it (Image: Getty Images)
Spurs harp on about having the best stadium in the world, but if having a cheese room and a microbrewery is more important to them than having competent stewards then I’d say their priorities are more messed up than Pep Guardiola’s face after one of his self-scratching incidents.
Cut it out, Kev
I can’t stand Kevin De Bruyne’s hair. It’s one of those harmless things that shouldn’t bother me, but does.
He simply isn’t stylish, charismatic or handsome enough (sorry Kev) to pull off the slicked-back-hair-with-a-headband look. He looks like a goat on a yoga retreat, or like Ron Weasley if he dressed up as Jack Grealish for Halloween.
Kevin De Bruyne
Kevin De Bruyne's hairstyle... doesn't suit him (Image: CameraSport via Getty Images)
I’m all for people trying new styles, but let’s be honest, if he wasn’t a famous footballer he’d have been laughed all the way back to the hairdressers, much like Nottingham Forest fans nearly laughed Andre Onana back to Inter Milan after that disasterclass on Saturday.
Why all the shots at Andre Onana, you ask? Well, as we saw at the weekend, when you fire at him you’re practically guaranteed to score. So why not?