Remote video URL
From unwanted Secret Santa gifts to guest etiquette fails, Natasha and her guests dive into the dos and don’ts of navigating holiday gatherings with humour and grace.
SINGAPORE – What would you do if a friend’s kid gets rough with your fur-kid at your house party? Or what if you had the misfortune of getting a Secret Santa who just couldn’t be bothered and re-gifted you something they didn’t want?
Also, would it be rude to call two hours before a party to say you’re not coming just because you’re “not feeling it”?
The holiday season is here, bringing with it the fun – and sometimes the headache – of social gatherings.
Whether it’s an office party, a house dinner, or a festive get-together with friends, the rules of holiday etiquette can be blurry.
To help us navigate common scenarios we may face during Christmas, I asked two seasoned party hosts and my colleagues, ST’s features correspondent Elizabeth Law and senior audience growth specialist Friday Farzanah, to share their experiences.
The Usual Place host Natasha Ann Zachariah (centre) speaks with ST colleagues - features correspondent Elizabeth Law (right) and senior audience growth specialist Friday Farzanah - about their experiences hosting. ST PHOTO: ELSA GOH
One of the hallmarks of the office party is Secret Santa or a White Elephant gift exchange. I wanted to know: To participate or not to participate? The latter is a party game where funny, impractical gifts are swopped at random.
“It’s no skin off your nose,” said Elizabeth. It doesn’t cost much – about $20 or so – and everyone gets the opportunity to get creative, perhaps with a gag gift for a little bit of fun. (Case in point, I came across a TikTok of a woman who wrapped a rotisserie chicken she bought from the supermarket for a White Elephant exchange with her friends.)
To prevent getting a gift you may not want, Friday suggested having a wishlist. And if your giftee asks for something over the set budget, get them something practical like FairPrice vouchers instead.
Friday suggests a wishlist for Secret Santa, for an uncomplicated experience. ST PHOTO: ELSA GOH
“It gives the person who got the gift the option to choose what they want,” added Friday.
The topic of ‘The After Party post-office’ party also came up in our podcast discussion.
Elizabeth, who often continues the night beyond one party, is in favour of heading to a second location – though not with everyone. Would it be okay then, to leave the office party, and not “announce” it?
My take: be discreet when you leave, and don’t flaunt your after-party invitation, especially to others who are not part of the group.
If you feel excluded, Friday advised to put things in perspective. Perhaps in the spirit of partying, an invite may have been forgotten.
Speaking about her own experience of being left out, she added: “You can’t control what people do. I can only choose how it affects me, so I get over it on my own because that’s how life is sometimes.”
I shared about how I was hosting my first-ever Friendsgiving – complete with proper plates and cutlery – and wanted to know how Elizabeth and Friday would have felt if someone said two hours before, they would not be coming over because they weren’t up for it.
For both Elizabeth and Friday, context matters.
If it happens to be a large catered party, with a sizeable guest list, then your attendance will not be missed, said Friday.
With a small, curated group, a last-minute no-show is “not cool” for Elizabeth. “Obviously, thought has gone into deciding who sits where and who is on the list.”
Elizabeth says offering a last-minute invite is a no-no as the list of guests for a small dinner group would have been curated. ST PHOTO: ELSA GOH
Last-minute invites to replace a guest who has dropped out is also a big no-no.
Friday said she probably wouldn’t go if she was asked at the last minute, though it depends on the dynamic of the friendship.
“I will still have that thought in my head like, ‘Oh, so I wasn’t invited, and now I’m getting a pity invite just because you need someone to fill the table’.”
Ultimately, the key to surviving holiday social gatherings is to be self-aware and considerate of your behaviour.
After all, the holidays are a time to connect, but they don’t have to come at the expense of your peace of mind or relationships.
If you have pet peeves about office parties, or being a guest or host during the holiday season, I want to hear from you. Tell me on Instagram, via e-mail, or in the comment section of this podcast on YouTube.
Happy holidays from The Usual Place team. See you next time!
Nat
---
Host: Natasha Zachariah (natashaz@sph.com.sg)
Follow Natasha on her IG account and DM her your thoughts on this topic: https://str.sg/8Wav
Follow Natasha on LinkedIn: https://str.sg/v6DN
Read Natasha’s articles: https://str.sg/iSXm
Read Elizabeth Law’s articles: https://str.sg/wL8c
Filmed by: ST Video
Edited by ST Podcast producers: Teo Tong Kai, Eden Soh and Elsa Goh
Executive producer: Ernest Luis
Follow The Usual Place Podcast here and get notified for new episode drops:
Channel: https://str.sg/5nfm
Apple Podcasts: https://str.sg/9ijX
Spotify: https://str.sg/cd2P
YouTube: https://str.sg/wEr7u
Feedback to: podcast@sph.com.sg
----
Follow more ST podcast channels:
All-in-one ST Podcasts channel: https://str.sg/wvz7
ST Podcast website: http://str.sg/stpodcasts
ST Podcasts YouTube: https://str.sg/4Vwsa
---
Get The Straits Times’ app, which has a dedicated podcast player section:
The App Store: https://str.sg/icyB
Google Play: https://str.sg/icyX
Podcast: Shrinking social circles - why we may struggle to build friendships as adults
Podcast: Going ga-ga over Labubu - the toy that has fans fighting, faking and stealing it
The Usual Place Podcast
ST Podcasts
Singapore
ST Current Affairs Podcast
Christmas