Christmas is a hectic period for footballers and managers with the congested schedule meaning very little time off.
The biggest names in the sport might want for little, but we’ve decided to rack our brains for some Christmas gift ideas for the game’s stars.
Our Christmas gifts for football’s top players and coaches
Ruben Amorim – Umbrella
When it rains, it pours.
That’s what Ruben Amorim has discovered in recent weeks after he swapped the gorgeous climate of Lisbon for the treacherous winter conditions of Manchester.
Following Manchester United’s 3-0 home defeat to Bournemouth on Sunday, Amorim’s misery was personified in his post-match press conference.
Leak stops Ruben Amorim’s Man Utd press conference 👀 pic.twitter.com/g2nRXYAGL8
— Sky Sports (@SkySports) December 22, 2024
After a torrential Mancunian downpour, the roof started leaking in the conference room, with water dripping over journalists. Old Trafford’s infamous decline – both on and off the pitch – continues.
Wolves – Anger Management Classes
Tensions have been boiling over at Wolverhampton Wanderers.
A dreadful run of three league wins in eight months led to the dismissal of Gary O’Neil last weekend. Vitor Pereira succeeded O’Neil and the new head coach has inherited a rather angry set of players.
Mario Lemina was spotted throwing Jarrod Bowen to the floor before pushing his teammates after Wolves lost a crucial encounter to West Ham United – a misdemeanour that saw him stripped of captaincy.
A few days later, Rayan Ait-Nouri had to be forcefully ushered off the pitch by teammate Craig Dawson after the Algerian was sent off against Ipswich Town. A mass brawl unfolded at the full-time whistle, with Matheus Cunha swatting a pair of glasses off the Ipswich kit man.
Wolves’ Mario Lemina has spoken following incidents after the final whistle of last night’s Premier League match against West Ham. #BBCFootball pic.twitter.com/sCBUmNEDal
— Match of the Day (@BBCMOTD) December 10, 2024
We think some anger management sessions could help calm the squad. A naughty step installed at the training ground will suffice. Although the players may have taken themselves off the naughty list just in time for Christmas after they put three away to Leicester City without reply.
Any commentator reporting on Tottenham – A Calculator
Tottenham Hotspur are a peculiar team to dissect.
On the one hand, their adventurous tactics are highly entertaining, but on the other, they look naïve and vulnerable defensively.
The caveat of being fully committed in attack is that you leave your defence unprotected to punishment. Both points have been magnified over the last few weeks.
In their last three home games, Ange Postecoglou’s team have scored 10 goals and conceded 13 times. It’s enthralling, but we don’t envy any commentator trying to keep up.
3.6 – Tottenham’s Premier League matches under Ange Postecoglou have seen an average of 3.6 goals scored per game. Among those to take charge of 50+ games in the competition, this is the highest goals per game rate for any manager. Frenzy. pic.twitter.com/VX1VZInKQ6
— OptaJoe (@OptaJoe) December 22, 2024
Our present is a calculator, so any reporter need not stress over counting up the goals.
Mikel Arteta – ‘Triffic!’ Tony Pulis Book
With all the comparisons to the ex-Stoke City manager, we’d like to gift Mikel Arteta a book devoted to the career of Tony Pulis.
In fairness, we’re convinced he’s probably committed the contents of that book to memory with the way Arsenal have evolved into the Premier League’s set-piece specialists.
All Arteta is missing in his squad is someone with a enormous throw. Perhaps the Spaniard can convince Rory Delap to come out of retirement?
Paperback or Hardback, Mr Arteta?
Arne Slot and Michael Edwards – A Pen
Liverpool find themselves in a predicament. The contract sagas of Mohamed Salah, Trent Alexander-Arnold and Virgil van Dijk have been well-documented. The talented trio are all entering the last six months of their deals in 2025.
Salah has been by far the best player in the league this term with 26 goal contributions in 16 appearances. Van Dijk is a leader in Liverpool’s title pursuit and Alexander-Arnold is one of the most creative minds in Europe.
Our gift is simple, but effective. A humble ballpoint pen. In fact, any writing utensil would do. But we have an unlimited hypothetical budget, so we might as well provide the finest ink for the players to sign along the dotted line.
Marc Cucurella – New boots
Marc Cucurella is unlikely to be the only footballer with new boots this Christmas.
The Spaniard’s need might be greater than most, however, after Cucurella’s calamitous slips in Chelsea’s clash with Tottenham. Two comical slips saw Spurs race into a two-goal lead, and Cucurella took out his anger on the kit man as he hastily changed footwear.
Fortunately, Chelsea came back to win with Cucurella’s stumbles not as costly as first feared.
Puma, his manufacturers, took it well too.
It’s not how you slip, it’s how you bounce back. @cucurella3 pic.twitter.com/hUTEAZTVvQ
— PUMA Football (@pumafootball) December 14, 2024
Pep Guardiola – Stress Toy
Being a football manager is harder than being the Prime Minster, according to Ange Postecoglou.
Even arguably the greatest tactical mind in football history is enduring a turbulent campaign right now.
Pep Guardiola is not accustomed to failure in his illustrious career. But his Manchester City side are currently failing to reach their usual standard.
In fact, this is the worst run of Guardiola’s entire career with City having lost nine of their last 12 matches in all competitions.
After the Premier League champions threw away a three-goal lead to draw 3-3 with Feyenoord in the Champions League, Pep was at breaking point. The 47-year-old was seen with self-inflicted scratches on his nose and his head.
“I want to hurt myself.”
Pep Guardiola explains the scratches on his face and nose after Man City’s draw vs. Feyenoord 😮 pic.twitter.com/R0tXHhcZAa
— ESPN UK (@ESPNUK) November 27, 2024
We thought it would be appropriate to offer him a stress toy, so he can channel that anxious energy into an inanimate object. Toys don’t have feelings, Pep!
Cole Palmer – Hot Water Bottle
The poise. The coolness. The unerring composure. Those are just some of the qualities that make Cole Palmer the sensational talent he is.
Chelsea fans have been treated to countless of moments of magic from the Englishman, often followed by his trademark ‘Cold’ celebration.
But being cold all the time can’t be good for his immune system, especially in flu-season!
Our gift is a hot water bottle, so he can stay nice and toasty when he’s not causing nightmares for Premier League defences.
Read – Where every team top of the Premier League at Christmas finished the season
See more – Five Premier League festive talking points 🎄
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