Our defender opens up on her footballing philosophy and why the game should always be about freedom.
**What do you remember from your very early days being coached? What were the most valuable lessons you learned?**
A lot of the lessons I learned were by doing rather than by watching. We didn't have Sky Sports and at the time, that was the main way to watch football except for the FA Cup. Even then, it was still only men's football that was visible, so I didn't watch any women play. When I did watch, it was mainly in person, thanks to my auntie with an Arsenal season ticket.
Before I joined a team, I grew up playing football on the streets with boys. No cones, nothing fabricated. Just the ball at my feet. That’s where I learnt how to guide the ball, care for it and love it. When you’re away from critical eyes, it allows you to just play football for the fun of it, safe from judgement. We ran wild which is how I think it should be.
I started playing Sunday league with West Ham at about 10 years old, which is when I was suddenly put into lines with cones and bibs and structure. Along with my teammates, we were thrust into this very regimented environment and it snowballed from there. If I consider how many rules there are in football now, versus when I was growing up, it’s kind of wild.
It was interesting to make the switch from street to club football, but probably more interesting in hindsight. At the time, I didn’t realise how lucky I was to be playing without judgement because kids are often told things in black-and-white terms that make them wonder if they’re good enough to make it. It’s incredibly ironic that, because I came through in a generation that didn’t provide many opportunities for women in football, I got to shape that reality for myself. I’m very thankful for that.
**What will your footballing philosophy be if you go into management?**
It’s so wonderful when, as a young person, you're able to follow your mind, make those off-the-cuff decisions and learn for yourself. I think that’s where the artistic influences from my childhood come in because the feeling of creating and playing football is the same to me. That’s quite an important part of how I connect society, sport and life as a whole. My parents allowed me to do that in our home and likewise, when I’d step out onto the concrete pitches, everyone there was able to play freely. That was quite a beautiful thing to be a part of.
I hope as many boys and girls can experience that freedom these days, which is why I always encourage the young people I meet to play on local pitches. You don’t need a coach every time you practice. We’d just go down to the concrete to play ‘Wembley’ and you don’t realise it at the time, but those romantic, nostalgic moments of your youth are actually what gave you those 10,000 touches. That’s the foundation of a lot of successful footballers we’re seeing now, especially in south London.
**Who were your early influences? What players did you look up to when you started and why?**
I had quite a varied mix of influences but there is one that stands out. I was of a generation where YouTube had just arrived and I vividly remember watching Johan Cruyff clips before every single game as a kid. There was one compilation of his best moments that I only discovered because a coach mentioned him and Dennis Bergkamp to me once - probably only because he knew my dad was Dutch!
He planted a seed that allowed my mind to run free and take inspiration from a man who had stopped playing years before and had since moved into coaching. The crux of his footballing philosophy was ‘attack is the best form of defence’. He would always say that his goalkeeper was his first attacker and his striker was his first defender. That always resonated with me.
The Cruyff turn quickly became part of my football vocabulary on the pitch and I’d encourage all my teammates to try it. Stepping into that structured environment made me start thinking more about specific movements which, up until then, had only been instinct. I suddenly had a word or a name or an image for something that was previously just a feeling and that was when I realised it wasn’t street football anymore.
**Can you pinpoint a stage in your career, or an age group, where you made the biggest leap?**
Throughout my career, up until the age of 21 and the day I signed for Arsenal, there have been chunks of time where I was ‘living on the wall’. I’d say all the time I spent kicking the ball against the wall, one of the simplest actions you’ll ever do, is where I realised the pure devotion, lust and willingness to pursue and achieve in football. It wasn’t just honing my touch, it was honing my mentality. Those two go hand-in-hand: the willingness to do and the want to get better, and that’s something I’ve always held highly in my characteristics. As a player, I’ve always wanted to do more and do better and I think by spending so many years simply kicking the ball against the wall, you can’t ever grow out of that mentality. It’s symbolising a pass, it’s symbolising a through ball but it’s also symbolising more than that.
In all the time we spend on the football pitch, there aren’t many moments that you can replicate to a tee but if you’re able to find small moments of repetition throughout your career, you unlock those neural pathways and connect the dots. I admire any young player I see when I’m walking past Hackney Marshes or an estate pitch, who’s just kicking the ball on their own.
I see myself in them. I see the same love and devotion for the game. It takes a lot of courage to go out on your own, especially back then and especially as a young girl. Now, as more and more girls are playing football, you’re probably hard-pressed to find someone who _doesn’t_ want to go and play, which I find pretty cool because that also opens up endless possibilities and opportunities for repetition.
**What do you wish you had known earlier in your career?**
I definitely wouldn’t go back and change anything, but I do like to think forward. So what can I share with young people who are passionate about football and want to try to pursue it or just play for the fun of it? For instance, my partner Tao’s little sister is 11 and she’s so heavily devoted to football.
I find it so intriguing because I see myself in her in a lot of ways but I also see the crazy differences across generations. She’s able to easily find a team to play for but she’s less inclined to go and play on estate pitches because there’s this idea that it’s not safe or there’s the expectation that playing with a team is the only way to do things now.
Maybe it’s taking the question and flipping it because the thing I’m glad I knew early in my career is that freedom is so important and something you shouldn’t neglect within the conventional idea of development. What does that even mean if you’re bending your path so much according to coaches who are so subjective and could tell you ‘no’ at any moment? I think so much development is within yourself and the world that you create. I would say to young kids that the world is at your feet on the pitches or on the concrete where you’re playing with other people.
**What training qualifications do you have now or would like to have in future?**
I don’t think I’d like to go down that formal route as a head coach or assistant coach. I mean that in a positive way because when I hang up my boots, I want to have given every part of myself to the game. A lot of the impact I want to have on others is related to young people and that’s tied hand-in-hand with my playing career now. I’m extremely passionate about opportunity and possibility, and I see that in two realms. When it comes to female coaches, and in particular English female coaches, we have to grow that pool.
We're at an important part in the trajectory of women's football, whereby we're not just trying to grow it for the ceiling, with the big teams attracting loads of people to their stadiums. We’re also striving for growth at a grassroots level. How do you reach young girls and help them realise that they do want to become a football coach? Maybe they haven’t even played football but in an ideal world, there would still be a clear pathway for them to explore coaching.
The second realm is young people playing football. I feel so passionate about providing opportunities for kids, particularly in the city and particularly in London. It’s not even about whether they want to become a professional footballer or not because the game is so much more than that. It can boost your self-esteem, your communication skills and your leadership qualities, even when it’s outside of the elite level. So, I know I’d want to help the future in that way but I don’t know if it would fall under the label of coaching.
**Who in the current squad would make the best manager in future and why?**
That’s an interesting one! I think everyone has such different traits and characteristics that I couldn't pin it down to one. I’d like to create my own super coach as a blend of every individual on the team. For instance, Steph’s patience is always inspiring. I believe she’s trained in education and thought about teaching in the future, which she’d be perfect for.
Likewise, Kim’s easy, gentle stubbornness is unique in women’s football - and in life! She is both sure of herself and very set on what she wants but is also very willing to bend and mould with other people. Kim also has that tactical know-how which comes from the experience of playing in different systems, in different countries.
I do know that Kim, Wally and Beth are all doing their UEFA coaching badges at the moment and half the battle is being willing to take that step. I take my hat off to them because they’ve made the most of an opportunity the PFA have been super conscious to roll out across the league. Like I said before, it's important to create a pipeline where players believe that they can become head coaches.
**What can football learn from other sports?**
I think in football sometimes, everyone feels like they have this God-given right to an opinion. You see it with pundits or on social media: so many people think they know how to do your job better than you do but they have none of your context. I think it’s beautiful to have opinions and be able to voice them, especially when it comes to bettering ourselves and challenging societal issues. But I think there is a fine line in football where it becomes toxic. As a relatively young player, I would like to stay resolute in my abilities and block out the outside noise.
Of course, it’s important to listen to your coaches but I also don’t believe that is the be-all and end-all. Just because one person thinks X, Y or Z, it doesn’t always make that true. It might be their truth but it’s not necessarily yours. Criticism can allow you to learn and build your resilience but there’s also beauty in feeling so sure of yourself as an athlete that you feel untouchable.