Most Premier League clubs should back Manchester United in the Europa banter final, while the FA Cup is split and almost everyone wants a Chelsea implosion.
Here is which team each Premier League club should be backing in the four upcoming finals and why.
Arsenal
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceA proper budget Sophie’s Choice to start, if Meryl Streep was a chronically online ardent truster of the process who spent her summers longing for a new centre-forward. Crystal Palace winning would avert the embarrassment of Arsenal probably being the only trophyless club in the top five, but it could invite ridicule of Mikel Arteta as Oliver Glasner matches his trophy haul in England in a fraction of the time with a fragment of the resources. That will matter to a certain section of the fanbase but when the result has no material impact on Arsenal’s season, any option which inconveniences Manchester City is the best one.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisObviously. Hector Bellerin is One Of Their Own.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedNeither choice is particularly preferable but the post-match narrative running through the summer is guaranteed: the winner will be argued to have had a better season than Arsenal and the moment Spurs and Manchester United stumbled into the most hilarious of all Europa finals, there was nothing anyone could do about that. It would be annoying if the Old Trafford Banter Years swept up yet another trinket to pull further clear of Arsenal’s haul in this renaissance period, but the alternative of Spurs being happy is unthinkable.
Champions League final – N/AIt doesn’t really matter when neither are better than Arsenal.
Aston Villa
FA Cup final – Manchester CityUnai Emery will hope that the extra assistance is unnecessary but ultimately success for Manchester City at Wembley stands to benefit Aston Villa, opening up sixth and seventh as Europa League safety nets.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisChelsea winning could again benefit Villa in case they need it after blowing the most presentable final two matches imaginable, but with no real skin in the game they know it’s funnier for Chelsea to lose and that is crucial.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedAgain it comes down to preference, with no difference from a Villa standpoint which finalist bungles their way to European glory. Maybe it would be nice if Marcus Rashford got another medal.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainNever underestimate the joy of crowing about beating the European champions.
Bournemouth
FA Cup final – Manchester CityThose three teams with a realistic chance of finishing eighth might ordinarily be cheering on David but Goliath winning grants that position some Europa Conference fun, plus being knocked out by the eventual winners is always best.
Europa Conference League final – ChelseaIt would be a surprise if they can muster up enough effort to care. Kepa might be cheering his old teammates on if any of them are still there, and the Blues qualifying for the Champions League might increase the chances of them completely forgetting they still own him, allowing Bournemouth to swoop in and sign the loanee permanently.
Europa League final – SpursWere Bournemouth insane enough to put add-ons in the Dominic Solanke sale contingent on Spurs winning a trophy or qualifying for the Champions League?
Champions League final – InterThose bonds formed during negotiations to sign Andrei Radu on loan a couple of seasons ago are unbreakable.
Brentford
FA Cup final – Manchester CityIt’s for the greater Europa Conference League good.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisThomas Frank can sit back and crack open a cold one to watch this in uncaring bliss. Chelsea collapsing at the end of this season and missing out on at least Champions League and maybe even the Europa would safeguard against swoops for those lovely attacking Bees.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedAnother trophy for Christian Eriksen before he comes back home to the Gtech.
Champions League final – InterThe Eriksen’s exes support group is unthinkably strong (obviously except for when it comes to Spurs).
Brighton
FA Cup final – Manchester CityRounding out the horses running for eighth is Brighton, but the thought of Crystal Palace having their hearts broken on the big stage might genuinely be more enticing than the prospect of European qualification opening up for Fabian Hurzeler and friends.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisThe 427 former Brighton employees poached by Chelsea deserve what’s coming to them.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedAnother based on personal opinion, with Brighton having nothing against either and very likely completing the double against both, having already put Manchester United down with Spurs to come on the final day. It feels as though the Seagulls will probably be shopping in more similar markets to the latter this summer so removing the lure of the Champions League from the transfer equation could be advantageous.
Champions League finalAbsolutely nothing to suggest Brighton should or would favour either side, so someone ask Danny Welbeck and we’ll go with that.
Chelsea
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceManchester City will pull level with Chelsea on eight FA Cups, and further ahead in the overall trophy stakes, if they prevail at Wembley. It’s enough to put a vague London rivalry and Michael Olise-based frustration to one side.
Europa Conference League final – Real Betis
What better way to sack Enzo Maresca?
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedRinse and repeat of the Arsenal situation really: neither choice is particularly preferable but the winner will be said to have had a better season than Chelsea if indeed they do miss out on the top five. But Manchester United winning trophies in spite of themselves is an established if regrettable trope. Spurs never doing so is funny and must be maintained at all costs.
Champions League final – InterJose Mourinho solidarity is a factor, but Chelsea could probably do without having rejected a European champion coach multiple times.
Crystal Palace
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceFairly confident here.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisAnd here. Any Premier League rival cheering Chelsea on in the most absurdly financially weighted European final in history is fundamentally wrong.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedPerhaps the same goes for teams without any prejudice in the Europa final: Manchester United being rubbish and winning things is unfortunate but also now quite normal, while the Spurs drought makes everyone feel better about themselves. And Oliver Glasner might not be tempted by the commute across London if there’s no Champions League football to go with it.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainIt depends solely on whether supporters remember Yohan Cabaye more fondly than they do Gonzalo Sorondo and Nicola Ventola.
Everton
FA Cup final – Manchester CityIt feels like Everton could do without Crystal Palace joining the ranks of clubs to have won a trophy more recently.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisDavid Moyes will always stand up for his former La Liga brethren.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedIt’s not as if Everton have a default rivalry with either. They are probably happy with just finishing above both and raking in that sweet, sweet prize money. Being able to simultaneously laugh at Spurs is a bonus.
Champions League final – InterIt was claimed in March 2023 that Everton would target Simone Inzaghi to replace Sean Dyche if they decided on a change of manager. But then Luis Enrique was reportedly shortlisted to take over from Sam Allardyce five years earlier because Everton are not normal.
Fulham
FA Cup final – Manchester CityThere is a slim chance of Fulham finishing eighth, but that quarter-final elimination by Palace at Craven Cottage royally screwed up the momentum which had been building for Marco Silva’s side so they might simply want them put back in their place.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisSeems straightforward enough.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedAs does this. May the top-flight London-based trophy drought continue.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainThe suggestion is that Al-Hilal want to appoint Inzaghi as their next manager, with Silva identified as a back-up. An Inter win might persuade their manager to take the Saudi coin having achieved everything he can in Italy, but packing him off with a dispiriting defeat seems more likely.
Ipswich
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceDo it for the Liam Delap sell-on clause.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisIt might ordinarily be assumed that Ipswich have no predisposition when it comes to a game between Chelsea and Real Betis, but then you remember Finidi George played for the latter with only a brief stay at Mallorca separating that from his time at Portman Road.
Europa League final – Spurs
Manchester United were very rude indeed to Kieran McKenna during his time there.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainThe wounds from that Christian Vieri-inspired 4-1 thrashing at the San Siro in the UEFA Cup third round in December 2001 will perhaps never heal.
Leicester
FA Cup final – Manchester CityLeicester would probably quite like to remain the only non-Big Six club to win the FA Cup in the last decade or so.
Europa Conference League final – Real Betis
Some of their silent players would shamelessly celebrate any Enzo Maresca win but the supporters were far less wedded to the Italian and would surely find the humour in him not winning a competition in which he boasts an overwhelming financial advantage.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedThe simmering and entirely inconsequential rivalry with Spurs – if it can even be called that – will already be neutralised enough by the departure of Jamie Vardy. A trophy heading to that half of north London would make things even less fun.
Champions League final – InterEsteban Cambiasso leaving the San Siro to join Leicester in August 2014 put us on this glorious timeline and they will forever be grateful.
Liverpool
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceArmed with a Premier League title of their own, Liverpool can basically be professional haters wherever possible in these finals. They have no reason to begrudge Palace some glory and a Community Shield date, and every motive to rally against Manchester City.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisA lot of it is down to wanting the absolute worst for Chelsea, but there is also residual delight in an Anfield legend reigning Europe(‘s third biggest competition).
Europa League final – SpursLiverpool supporters are distracted with matters of actual importance like booing their own players, but fundamentally they are rare in caring far less about Spurs-based schadenfreude than they do revelling in the misery of Manchester United.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainLosing to the eventual champions on penalties is basically half a trophy.
Manchester City
FA Cup final – Manchester City
It will certainly be one of the easier trophies to reallocate when their PSR reckoning arrives.
Europa Conference League final – Real Betis2004 Intertoto Cup winner Manuel Pellegrini deserves this.
Europa League final – SpursThere is the obvious bitter rivalry with Manchester United, who also feel slightly more likely to use the Champions League platform to launch themselves back into relevance than Spurs. But Manchester City owe Spurs their support after their sterling work in costing Arsenal the title last season.
Champions League final – InterI Nerazzurri were worthy runners-up when Manchester City secured the Treble in 2023, so Guardiola’s side should not begrudge them going a step further.
Manchester United
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceDown with Manchester City, but also Manchester United should feel a responsibility in lifting the Alan Pardew Wembley Dad Dance Curse placed on Palace after coming from behind to beat them in the final in 2016.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisThere is guaranteed to be a winner contracted to Manchester United in the form of either Jadon Sancho or Antony. The way things are going in Seville for the latter, if he inspires them to a European trophy they might well do a Denilson again and break the world transfer record to sign him.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedEven if Ruben Amorim doesn’t seem all that bothered, it would generate enough money to at least offset some redundancies and get a few more burgers for the celebratory barbecue.
Champions League final – InterPSG might be more inclined to spend some of their winnings on Marcus Rashford, but the true sickos at Manchester United will be cheering on Matteo Darmian setting up Henrikh Mkhitaryan for the final’s only goal.
Newcastle
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceMaybe Newcastle would prefer for their long-awaited silverware not to be overshadowed by a lesser team picking up a bigger trophy. And Marc Guehi might be easier to bring in if Palace lose at Wembley. But if the Magpies wish to become an entrenched part of the elite then willing their closest rivals to be beaten is obligatory.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisThe same goes for Chelsea.
Europa League final – SpursThe 1990s did an absolute number on Newcastle fans and few appreciate the downfall of Manchester United with quite as much relish. It is difficult to envisage either Europa winner using the trophy to catapult them back into competence so it’s another entirely subjective call, but few teams will value the art of drought-ending glory quite like the Magpies.
Champions League final – InterJason Tindall is still simmering with fury over that farce at the Parc des Princes.
Nottingham Forest
FA Cup final – Manchester CityWhile Forest would start a Europa Conference League campaign as favourites to win the actual sodding thing, the Europa League is ultimately shinier and slightly more lucrative. And if Palace win the FA Cup, seventh is only good for a place in the modern Intertoto.
Europa Conference League final – ChelseaThe result should not materially affect Forest, who face Chelsea in what could be a Champions League qualification decider on the final day three days before. Forest will happily inspire the Blues to complete their set of European trophies by beating them at the City Ground.
Europa League final – SpursIf you trace it back far enough, it would basically be Nuno Espirito Santo’s trophy.
Champions League final – InterForest being one of just 23 teams to have won the European Cup is fun and keeping that number as low as possible is the objective.
Southampton
FA Cup final – Crystal PalaceWith a proper low-block, counter-attacking masterclass followed by Ruben Dias losing his entire head, of course.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisSouthampton sold left-back Romain Perraud to Betis in the summer and should cling to even the vaguest sign of second-half success this season.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedIt comes down to which winner will mark the event by calling Southampton’s £100m bluff over Tyler Dibling, and that team is absolutely Manchester United in a way it absolutely isn’t ever going to be Spurs.
Champions League final – InterPSG winning more than twice as many games against Premier League teams than Southampton this season is embarrassing enough.
Spurs
FA Cup final – Manchester CityIt depends. If Spurs win the Europa then Palace can have at it and win all the trophies they want. But the far likelier scenario of Ange Postecoglou overseeing defeat in Bilbao shifts the needle over to Manchester City out of a desperation not to see another club win something since they last did.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisGiovani Lo Celso hat-trick, anyone?
Europa League final – SpursAlthough no-one hates Spurs as much as Spurs, so there will definitely be a contingent of the fanbase wanting a Spurs defeat.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainThey prevented the apocalyptic event of Arsenal becoming European champions so it’s well-earned.
West Ham
FA Cup final – Manchester CityPurely because of jealousy after Palace responded to Julen Lopetegui rejecting them by appointing Oliver Glasner instead.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisPremier League transfer legend William Carvalho, he who once sparked a feud which peaked with West Ham’s owners being called “the dildo brothers”, is on the books and that is enough.
Europa League final – SpursGraham Potter will end up publicly cheering them on. It will not go down well.
Champions League final – InterMight as well make former Hammer Marko Arnautovic a two-time European champion 15 years apart with the same club.
Wolves
FA Cup final – Manchester CityWolves would ordinarily not be at all bothered but they play Palace at Selhurst Park three days later and might find the jollification to be unbearable in the event of a Wembley underdog win.
Europa Conference League final – Real BetisThere is some talk of the Spaniards being interested in regrettable Wolves record signing Fabio Silva, so a trophy and Europa qualification could grease those wheels or at least spark a summer auction.
Europa League final – Manchester UnitedWolves are not alone in completing a Premier League double over Manchester United this season and it sounds better to have beaten a Champions League qualifier home and away.
Champions League final – Paris Saint-GermainWith man of the match Vitinha thanking Wolves for the season-long lockdown loan which turned him into the player he is today.