OBR Newswire Bloviation Header
Good morning, Cleveland Browns fans!
As the first cup of coffee passed my throat on its way to my non-trivial gullet this morning, I realized something: I hunker down behind my computer rather than do things like go to the rookie minicamp myself. I tried playing "beat reporter" for a while and wasn't very good at it. So, I rely on Fred and others to cover events directly while I manage the incipient chaos from OBR World Headquarters.
The point is this: Since I don't bear direct witness to these things myself, this Massive Morning Missive of Fun doesn't reflect reality. Instead, it merely reflects reality as seen through the eyes of the media. Moreover, it reflects my personal view of other people's views of witnessed events, giving it layers of distance from the truth.
Akira Kurosawa's Rashomon is a seminal work that reflects the challenges of relying on witnesses. In it, four witnesses exchange different accounts of the same murder. This contradictory retelling of events is often called the "Rashomon Effect."
Similarly, I rely on multiple witnesses to tell me how Shedeur Sanders looked better than Dillon Gabriel and how Dillon Gabriel looked better than Shedeur Sanders. Whether you prefer the first version of events, from The Athletic's Zac Jackson or the latter, from WKNR's Tony Grossi, is a matter of individual preference, based on your version of events and personal worldview.
Do any of us really know the truth, with certainty? I thought about this long and hard, and have reached the deft conclusion of "I dunno". Nor do I care about this particular subject until the pads come on. Thus, in the manner of Alexander the Great, I have taken a sword to the Gordian Knot of statement and perspective, rendering the Rashomon effect moot for now, cynically dismissing the issue, and implausibly weaving two unrelated metaphors into a single paragraph. Kneel before Zod!
Oh, and in the quarterback world, you can also see Sanders' view of himself (it's positive) or Dan Orlovsky's view of Dillon Gabriel (also positive). I'm just happy the otherwise useless pre-season games may unexpectedly have a point this year.
Please take a few minutes and reflect on what you've learned this morning from the above prattle, using as an object of focus this photograph of all four quarterbacks shown together.
Rashomon
Or you can focus on this still from Rashomon
WHY PLAYING IN LONDON SUCKS: No offense to the great Cleveland Browns fans and scholars, like the OBR's Jack Duffin, who live in the British Isles, but the Browns are getting kind of hosed on the whole travel to London thing. As expected and relayed here weeks ago, the Browns are traveling to London to take on the Minnesota Vikings on October 5th. This was well reported in the Cleveland media, so I'm sure it's something you already know.
That's all great. But it sucks.
It sucks because the Minnesota Vikings play their previous weekend in Dublin, Ireland and will simply stay over in plush hotels on the other side of the Atlantic, giving them ample time to adjust and settle in before the Browns make their long journey to the United Kingdom. This not only allows the Vikings to avoid two traditional road games, but provides the Vikings with a palpable advantage over our comparatively mistreated Browns.
But we're all going to fly over and crash at Jack's place. We should probably tell him at some point.
GOODELL PIMPS JIMMYWORLD: The Haslam Sports Group is bringing in the heavy hitters to go after public money. They are looking for $600 million in state-backed bonds to help fund the massive JimmyWorld complex in Berea.
Yes, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell traveled to Columbus on Tuesday to meet with various bigwigs, including Ohio's Governor Mike DeWine, to convince them that our money should be spent on the complex. Here's a quote from the Haslam Sports Group:
“We appreciate Commissioner Goodell joining us in Columbus to meet with Governor DeWine and other state leaders, and him conveying his respect for the state’s strong leadership and the extraordinary time spent creating a productive construct for a public-private partnership that would result in Ohio’s first enclosed stadium. We are grateful for his support for a new enclosed Huntington Bank Field in Brook Park, as he understands the transformative impact such a project can have on Northeast Ohio and knows Browns fans deserve the same world-class fan experience that has become the standard across the NFL.”
Blah, blah, blah. The writing's on the wall as it has been since last year. JimmyWorld will be built, state leaders will buy in and help, and the machinery of progress will clank into gear, giving us a big-ass domed stadium that won't be nearly as beneficial to the area as those backing it wish it to be. Because this is what always happens.
Yes, I'm cynical about this, but not nearly as pessimistic as I am about the purported benefits of high-tech mattresses with differing temperatures on each side. I mean, is there a "wall of temperature" between the two sides, or is there sort of a linear progression from one side to the other? What if my wife wants her side to be a hellish high-temp landscape? Will this impact my desire for coolness? Will it lead to marital discord? I am not going to destroy a multi-decade relationship for your high technology, sirs! Begone!
BAD NEWS FOR BROWNS RIVALS: Let's all offer our sympathies to our rivals in Baltimore, where a promising RFA safety is likely done for the season. Or our pseudo-rivals in Cincinnati, where Trey Hendrickson is screaming bloody murder about his contract. Yes, yes, that's a shame. Tough luck.
NATIONAL LISTICLES FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT:
Have a good one! GO BROWNS!
Newswire Bloviation Archive