There are many under-the-radar skills that go into being a modern NFL star which fly under the radar of most casual fans.
For instance, players must possess the mental capacity to memorize an entire playbook and execute any page from it at a moment’s notice. Then they must have the physical fortitude to absorb a hit from a 300- pound monstrosity of a human being and still hang onto the football while their every cell cries out in agony.
And 30 seconds later, they need the grace to execute the kind of sickening post-touchdown choreo that makes the crowd wonder if their helmet headset started playing “Single Ladies.”
As comedians Caleb Heron and Hannah Berner discussed on the most recent episode of the “So True” podcast, NFL celebrations have taken on the production values of a Bob Fosse showstopper. Because of this, it’s become clear that football players are investing a lot of rehearsal time to get them just right.
Heron speculated, “They looked in the mirror with a friend in the locker room, probably shirtless in their underwear…and they asked their buddy, ‘Would that eat?’ And he said yes!”
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There has never been a better time for the NFL to record a production of “A Chorus Line’s” “I Hope I Get It” and pass it off as an episode of “Hard Knocks.” Which would all be worth it just for the prospect of Dak Prescott looking across the field at Jerry Jones and belting, “I really need this job…please God I need this job…”
Even a cursory glance at the growth of NFL celebrations shows that the need for players to practice their choreography has never been clearer.
Consider this embryonic celebration from 2017 when the Detroit Lions attempted a post touchdown kickline.
They weren’t even trying to be innovative with complicated steps but even so, your eyes can’t help but fixate on the poor fellow who clearly spent the entire dance thinking to himself, “OK, right foot? Riiiiight?…NO, LEFT! STUPID STUPID STUPID!”
One moment every teammate was celebrating the Lions doubling their lead in the game. Two seconds later, you could almost hear the casting director saying, “We’ll call you if anything opens up.”
To get a sense of how quickly things advanced, consider that just a couple years later, the Seattle Seahawks were able to channel their inner *NSYNC in the Cleveland Browns end zone.
Although the biggest upset of that day would’ve been if even one fan in Cleveland’s Dawg Pound recognized the moves to “Bye Bye Bye.”
While some purists might decry that complicated choreo distracts players from doing their jobs on the field, practicing celebration dances together has become a bonding ritual for teammates as well as giving them even more incentive to put points on the board.
Also let’s be honest. No one is making a podcast to talk about handing the ball back to the referee.
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