While you’re all getting giddy over the minute-by-minute non-updates on Viktor and Benjamin, we’ve been doing the real work – trawling through the muck to bring you the stories that actually matter. Like, which poor souls are being kicked off the boat by Arteta to make room for more left-backs.
We’ve even dusted off the poo-o-meter. Remember, the more poos, the less we believe the story…
Thomas Partey
Source: Various
Arsenal may have lined up Martin Zubimendi to replace Jorginho, but Partey, for better or worse, remains part of Mikel Arteta’s plans. It’s claimed the Ghana international will join the club’s pre-pre-season training camp in Spain, despite his current deal expiring at the end of the month. That strongly suggests talks over revised terms are progressing behind the scenes.
Poo-o-meter: Not really applicable in the traditional sense – judging the substance of the story – as Arsenal have confirmed talks. Pooey for many other reasons, though.
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Oleksandr Zinchenko
Source: Corriere dello Sport
Out of favour at the Emirates, the Ukraine international is very much on the market. He was linked with Borussia Dortmund back in January, but is now said to be a target for AC Milan. While the reported £13 million asking price is reasonable, his wages – in excess of £200,000 per week – are proving a sticking point. Various reports suggest they are also courting ex-Gunner Granit Xhaka for their midfield, having already recruited Luka Modric.
Poo-o-meter: 💩💩💩
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Riccardo Calafiori
Source: The Mirror
John Cross claims Milan made enquiries about Calafiori during early talks for Zinchenko, but were swiftly told the Italy international is not for sale. That could all change if they start dangling gentleman’s accessories in front of keen accessorizer Andrea Berta, whose love of neckties and belts is on the verge of overshadowing anything he does at the Emirates.
Poo-o-meter: 💩💩💩💩
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Reiss Nelson
Source: The Athletic
Injuries limited Reiss Nelson to just 12 appearances on loan at Fulham, but that hasn’t deterred Marco Silva, who’s apparently keen on a permanent deal. That’s according to James, who included the nugget in The Athletic’s most recent Transfer DealSheet round-up. Nelson’s current contract runs until 2027.
Poo-o-meter: 💩💩
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Karl Hein
Source: No source. Just musing.
We sometimes forget Karl Hein exists. But Real Valladolid fans certainly don’t — the Estonian made 31 La Liga appearances last season. Granted, they conceded 90 goals and finished bottom, so it was likely a character-building campaign. Still, regular football in a top division is nothing to sniff at. It’s hard to imagine he’ll want to return to play third-choice behind David Raya and Kepa. No transfer links yet, but watch this space.
Poo-o-meter: We can’t poo ourselves. Not applicable.
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Myles Lewis-Skelly
Source: Fabrizio Romano
We’re not quite sure why we’re including this, but apparently, Real Madrid have been sniffing around MLS, hoping to lay the groundwork for a future Trent-style Bosman. It’s ambitious, we’ll give them that, but there’s no chance Arsenal won’t lock him down soon. In fact, we’ve already got the draft announcement ready to go.
Oh… erm… forget we said that.
Poo-o-meter: 💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩💩 (We doubt Madrid’s sniffing got much further than Myles’ nice mum politely saying ‘Hasta la vista’)