Everybody but The Sun agrees that Trent Alexander-Arnold was poor on his Real Madrid debut while Marcus Rashford SHOCK emerges.
Trenter the dragon
‘Trent Alexander-Arnold makes underwhelming start to life at Real Madrid at Club World Cup’ was the headline in the Mirror, while we concluded that it ‘wasn’t great’ as we detailed everything he did – there really wasn’t much – against Al-Hilal.
Meanwhile in Spain, the Liverpool turncoat was described as ‘badly exposed’ as he ‘failed to contribute’. Most damningly, Sport noted that he was ‘physically far from his best’.
So we were a tad surprised to see the headline in The Sun: TAA DAA: ‘Trent Alexander-Arnold already showing signs of old class in Real Madrid shirt even if he’s put a new name on the back.’
Take a guess which newspaper/website is boycotted by Liverpool fans.
‘Here’s why the ex-Liverpool star can be quietly pleased with his debut in the Miami heat,’ say The Sun. And we really want to know why, because a 1-1 draw with Al-Hilal is really quite embarrassing for Real Madrid. And we know that he did something close to the square root of f*** all in that 1-1 draw.
‘An attacking threat?’ ask The Sun. Well, he created the sum total of one chance in 64 minutes so we would say not. Football Espana say ‘he struggled to make an impact in attack before being substituted’ and the statistics certainly back that up.
But according to The Sun: ‘It was his initial pass deep in his own half that started the move which ended with Gonzalo Garcia’s 34th-minute opener. The England international pumped his fists into the air when the ball hit the back of the net.’
Ah, the glorious pre-pre-pre-pre-assist. He really is ‘already showing signs of old class’.
The Sun then note that he ‘looked defensively solid’. Which is true if you ignore all the times he failed to track his winger, the time he was outjumped at a corner, the times players drifted past him (he did not make one tackle) and the time he appeared to entirely forget he was a defender. Apart from all that, he ‘looked defensively solid’.
The SHOCKING sensible transfer of the summerListen, we all do it. We all leave names and clubs out of headlines to create a ‘curiosity gap’. We all trump up transfer rumours as unexpected or surprising when the only unexpectedly surprising thing is that somebody has been arsed to make it up.
But sometimes transfer rumours are not unexpected or surprising, but actually make perfect sense.
And with that we turn to MailOnline:
Marcus Rashford ’emerges as SHOCK target for English Champions League club’ – as Man United outcast looks to get his career back on track this summer
First, those quote marks are quoting absolutely nobody, but that is apparently normal in 2025.
Second, what is remotely shocking (sorry, SHOCKING) about Newcastle United wanting Marcus Rashford.
It’s literally one of the most obvious and sensible suggestions we have heard in this transfer window; it’s a Champions League club who have been very clearly targeting Premier League players, targeting a Premier League player with extensive Champions League experience. It literally worked for Aston Villa in January.
In what way is that remotely a SHOCK? It’s not like he’s joining Liverpool…
Boxing matchThere were no Premier League fixtures scheduled for Boxing Day, which was shocking for about four minutes until you realised that broadcasters could still – and will still – move fixtures to Boxing Day.
The Athletic explained it incredibly well, describing it as a ‘quirk’ that Boxing Day is on a Friday so part of the weekend round of fixtures.
‘The traditionalists can breathe easy for now,’ wrote Phil Buckingham, assuring us that there will obviously be Premier League football on Boxing Day.
But he underestimated the weaponisation of tradition by the Daily Telegraph, who rolled out one of their many middle-aged white men to write:
Erosion of Boxing Day matches a betrayal of English football tradition: Premier League has chucked the much-loved festive fixture in the bin, leaving us old timers with a fading memory of how things used to be
The Premier League has not ‘chucked the much-loved festive fixture in the bin’; the Premier League has scheduled the games for December 27 and given Sky Sports and TNT the power to move them to Boxing Day if they wish.
And the Telegraph‘s Jim White absolutely knows this, writing: ‘True, the league has suggested that December 26 is open for switches should the broadcasters wish to schedule on that day. But even if the TV bosses take up their full allocation, it would mean no more than five top-flight games played on Boxing Day.’
Want to guess how many Premier League games were played on Boxing Day 2023?
‘And now Boxing Day is a goner,’ writes White, amid hundreds of words, several of which are ‘tradition’.
We look forward to June 2026, when White will presumably write hundreds of words about the triumphant return of a great ‘tradition’ when every single Premier League game is scheduled for Boxing Day.
Not because a few old old-timers spat out their dummies, but because it’s a Saturday.