Manchester United must spend big to improve on 15th in the Premier League
Manchester United are in familiar territory this summer transfer window, requiring a major rebuild with much of the current playing squad up for sale and multiple marquee signings required, and given the last umpteen squad overhauls have failed miserably we thought a little AI help might be just what Ruben Amorim is missing.
So as the Red Devils’ one remaining operational staff member wonders how she’ll juggle her new roles as head of stewarding, catering, communications and groundskeeping, we thought we’d help Amorim out by asking Grok for some suggestions on who to buy and sell, and for what price.
The AI listed a generous budget of around £400m, drawing roughly a third of that from player sales, but who raised the money and what should Manchester United do with it this summer? Well if Grok is to believed it will be a very busy transfer window for fans to look forward to, so without further ado let’s find out…
VIktor Gyokeres and Nuno Mendes offer hope to Red Devils
Viktor Gyokeres has said he prefers Arsenal to Manchester United but Grok disagrees, and if there’s any lesson to take from the Terminator films it’s to go along with that advice unless Gyokeres wants to end up naked at the Griffith Observatory. At best.
The magic of AI means we also know how many more minimum-wage staff Sir Jim Ratcliffe will get to fire to afford Gyokeres - around 2,690 up-front (or amortised over the length of the Swede’s contract) followed by 408 every week to meet an expected wage of £175,000.
This looks like a tall order given Manchester United ended the 2023/24 season with 1,100 staff, but history has taught us that if there is any opportunity to wield the proverbial axe on the workforce, Ratcliffe will find a way. If only he could’ve put that much effort into continuing to back Great Britain’s Royal Yacht Squadron after they reached their first America’s Cup final in 60 years.
But Amorim’s system isn’t just about putting a goal machine up top and waiting for the magic to happen - he needs service or those redundancies were for nothing. With Cunha’s signing already confirmed, Grok goes ahead with the Mbeumo deal, paying “£60-100m” for the Cameroonian.
Considering the consensus is that Mbeumo won’t go for more than £60m, it shows the AI has a solid grasp of Manchester United’s previous transfer business and logic, and just as important will be the capture of Nuno Mendes for £70m.
All jokes aside, that price would be a bargain for a player who should genuinely be a Ballon d’Or front-runner if he keeps this form up until September. Mendes pocketed Mohamed Salah, Liverpool’s record goalscorer against the Red Devils, for 216 minutes in their Champions League match-up so maybe this is inspired to shut down United’s tormentor-in-chief, though it’s rough luck for Patrick Dorgu.
Grok deals with the Onana problem by signing Mendes’ Portugal teammate and fellow Nations League hero Diogo Costa, a long-time target of the Red Devils, for another solid price of £50m. And Bayer Leverkusen’s Edmond Tabsoba arrival £40m for further sures up the defence as a ball-playing centre-back to replace Matthijs de Ligt who was signed for a similar amount from the same league 12 months ago.
Finally, Grok views Morgan Gibbs-White as a “budget Florian Wirtz” and brings him in for £50m - provided Amorim can persuade him to leave a reviving European giant like Nottingham Forest to play for a relegation-threatened side like Manchester United - and Xavi Simons is added for the same price.
Alejandro Garnacho and Marcus Rashford sold
Suggesting Alejandro Garnacho and Marcus Rashford should leave Old Trafford 24 months ago would’ve been sacrilege, but times change quickly in football and now the pair seem nailed-on to depart with both players’ relationships with Amorim completely falling apart last season.
They seem equally certain to enjoy prolific bounce-back campaigns in 2025/26, but for now Manchester United will book £90-100m in pure profit for the academy graduates, and Grok sends Luke Shaw and Andre Onana out of the exit door with them, for £12m and £25m respectively.
Grok cites the former’s “injury history” and Onana’s “errors” as deflating their market value to below what Manchester United signed them for, which feels an extremely nice way of saying they’re a left-back and goalkeeper who can’t play left-back and goalkeeper.
Interesting, Grok didn’t sell Kobbie Mainoo or make any mention of the 20-year-old who would also count as pure profit, but it did suggest buying Wirtz and Jeremie Frimpong. Go figure.
AI-predicted 2025/26 Manchester United starting XI - Grok selected a this 3-4-2-1 to start next season after such a busy summer and controversially omitted Mbeumo, instead picking: Costa; Tapsoba, Yoro, Martinez; Dalot, Ugarte, Gibbs-White, Mendes; Fernandes, Cunha; Gyokeres.
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