Eddie Howe has his hand on his chin and looks on
Newcastle United head coach Eddie Howe
I popped out to partake of a little break and was immediately assaulted by summer's blowtorch which turned shivering limbs into balls of fire. And what happened while I was away?
Not a thing. Zilch. Nowt. Nothing. A fortnight of nothingness. Not cool as much as clay cold. were as silent as the grave.
Yet I had expected as much. I said when the first transfer window closed that a lack of action had been a certainty. And I warned not to wait with growing excitement for the grand reopening because more nothingness would determine the rest of June.
Premier League rules demand such boredom. Transactions must fall neatly into club accounts for any given financial year because of the dreaded Profit and Sustainability Rules.
So United did not a thing, at least officially. They shuffled for the right placing come the proper starter's gun, and made inquiries about which players might become available and what was their leaning. Even a couple of low-priced offers were put out to test the temperature but they were inevitably rejected.
Now however comes the moment of realisation and opportunity. July is the golden month, make or break days which will determine the success or failure of the season to come.
If United could hide behind a perceived shrewdness, doing the right thing for the long term good, then now released from their chains of restraint they must do what is right for Newcastle's long term good by signing and signing again.
Not once, not twice, not three times but four times. One big buy, done quickly, might settle frayed nerves but it will not suffice if it stands alone.
I expect United to buy within a week but how many will they get within the month? That is the major question. One drop of cool water on a parched tongue doesn't quench a raging thirst!
However Geordies are only too aware that despite posturing no deal is done until the ink has dried. We all know that after the slow strangulation of the last time round the parade ring!
While the club have remained predictably silent speculation has gone into overdrive feeding off the lack of information. Agents have jostled to get their clients a mention often without foundation in the hope it stirs interest elsewhere.
Newspapers have floated names, social media has gone crazy ignoring facts and logic. Clickbait rules. Everyone becomes an amateur voice of authority. The brain ends up frazzled by the nonsense it has to digest.
Not only does the game of who is coming abound but also who is going out. Is really on his way to Liverpool?
Is off to the same destination? Bruno to Man City? Sandro Tonali to anywhere in Italy? Honestly, I ask you. United make the Champions League and some think we will automatically sell all those who got us there like some enthusiastic bargain basement stall.
This isn't Sunderland sacrificing promotion heroes Jobe Bellingham and Tommy Watson me hopes!
If all went according to speculation Isak and Gordon would be playing at St James' Park in United's first home game of the season but for Liverpool. Bet that would get a marvellous reception!
However if United want to keep Isak et al permanently then they had better get the welcome mat out for newcomers because otherwise they are just putting off the inevitable. Stagnate and in 12 months you won't see Alex and crew for the dust kicked up as they hoof it over the Tyne Bridge.
United have much to do to catch up and little time in which to do it. What do you want first? A right winger? Striker? Central defender? Goalkeeper? I want all of 'em. I'm not shy with my request. Nor do I care in which order as long as they all come. I am sick of waiting over many windows of failure.
There seems to be a revolving door at SJP with the departure of chief executive, director of sport, and academy coaches but luckily the most important man is staying.
However his warning has not been heeded. He pleaded for early action but, accountants to please or not, it's others who have flown out of the blocks presumably with Eddie's reluctant admiration and growing fear.
Fellow Champions League participants have led the charge while we have been rooted on the start line. Liverpool, already kings of the road, have gorged themselves on Florian Wirtz at an eye-watering £116m, Milos Kerkez for £40m and Jeremie Frimpong £29.5m. Manchester City, robbed of their habitual title, have responded by snapping up Rayan Cherki in return for £30.45m, Rayan Ait Nouri (£36.3m), and Tijjani Reijnders (£46.5m).
Chelsea, transfer market addicts, nicked Liam Delap at his £30m release clause, Kendry Paez (£17.3m), Mike Penders ((£17m), Dario Essugo (£18m), and Mamadou Sarr (£12m).
Arsenal have two deals effectively home and hosed. They have agreed a £55m fee and contract to sign Martin Zubimendi while Brentford gave the nod for them to book a medical for Christian Norgaard. Fee £12.75m. Only the formal announcements are to come upon the dawn of July.
Even Manchester United, desperate to get back to where they once were, have recruited Matheus Cunha at £62.5m and are vigourously pursuing many others especially Bryan Mbeumo for a further large dollop of cream.
We have in comparison got a 19-year-old kid from Spain, on a free transfer but are contemplating loaning him out rather than him being an instant addition to our Champions League building programme.
Conclusion: all those at the top bar ourselves have already spent money in the belief that standing still is in fact going backwards which is obviously worrying as well as piling on the pressure.
Come on, the waiting has to end with a flurry of activity. I know there is still some time and I expect United to open their tightly bound money bag before the first full week of July is out (probably for James Trafford) but do we have to be like the cow's tail, always behind? Pre-season training is within touching distance, United's trip to the Far East on the immediate horizon.
Time is of the essence. Bonding and tactical understanding as well as fitness to play a pressing game have to be worked upon.
Fifth top is only an achievement if the opportunity is seized and not squandered.