Some days, there’s a right load of transfer nonsense as Liverpool run the full gamut from ‘boost’ to ‘blow’ in just a few hours.
Liverpool, Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea transfer LIVE innit
A work of art from the Evening Standard on Tuesday morning as they take the ‘get Man Utd, Liverpool and Arsenal into every live transfer blog headline’ rule to the next level – by adding Chelsea.
Let’s just stand back for a moment and admire this…
Transfer news LIVE: Eze to Arsenal twist; Chelsea eye Kudus; Man Utd want Watkins; Guehi to Liverpool update
…and ignore that the ‘Eze to Arsenal twist’ is that they are ‘in talks’. Which sounds less like a ‘twist’ and more like a natural progression from the interest that was widely reported at the weekend.
But still…who’s up for the challenge of getting ‘Man City’ in there too?
When does a transfer boost become a transfer blow? The Independent come woefully short with their ‘Transfer news live: Arsenal in pole position for Eze, Liverpool get Isak boost and Man United eye Watkins’ attempt, though they gain/lose points for not once mentioning Alexander Isak, so we have to look elsewhere for this supposed ‘boost’.
The Liverpool Echo claim that the Reds have been ‘handed Alexander Isak transfer ‘boost’ as Newcastle United ‘promise’ revealed’, with the apparent ‘boost’ (they’re quoting nobody) being that Isak has told Newcastle United he wants to leave.
That is indeed a ‘boost’ as long as we ignore the fact that he is not actually for sale.
Liverpool clearly needed to act quickly because about 14 hours later, according to the Express:
Liverpool ‘get £25m boost’ after Alexander Isak blow as Chelsea close in on surprise deal
First there’s an Isak boost and then there’s an Isak blow. And all without Liverpool apparently talking to either Newcastle or Isak.
Over at SPORTbible, they are desperate for Liverpool fans to believe they have a chance of signing Isak. And for a bargain too…
Alexander Isak ‘cut price tag’ revealed as Liverpool deal with Newcastle ‘in play’
This ‘cut price tag’ (of course, they are quoting nobody) is £120-£130m, which would be an actual British transfer record. It’s hardly a ‘whoopsie’ sticker.
All that’s left now is to work out whether that’s a boost or a blow.
Done deal; deal done
When we’re not all pretending that Manchester United have suffered a whole load of transfers blows – one from that cad Arne Slot – we are merrily pretending that deals have been agreed.
Here come the Mirror…
Man Utd transfer news: Hugo Ekitike contact made as deal agreed after Andre Onana decision
Has a deal been made with Hugo Ekitike? Has it balls. On Andre Onana? Behave.
But they have ‘fended off interest from top European clubs to secure the future of 16-year-old prospect Jayden Ngwashi’ and we know all United fans have been having sleepless nights about that. Deal agreed? Phew.
Quick question: Are Man Utd still only ‘one step away’ from signing Viktor Gyokeres?
I like to move it, move itBut what’s better than Manchester United signing players? Manchester United selling players, of course. Over to the Manchester Evening News:
Man United transfer news LIVE – Ollie Watkins latest, Marcus Rashford move, Bryan Mbeumo deal
So what of this ‘Marcus Rashford move’?
We’re solemnly told that, according to Bild, Rashford is fifth on a list of Bayern Munich targets. Move? That’s barely even a twitch.
But this is big enough that The Sun make it their top story on Tuesday morning…
Bayern Munich considering shock Marcus Rashford move as Man Utd’s asking price for misfit forward revealed
Couple of things…
Is it a shock? It’s new – and for that we are grateful – but a shock? Nah.
The ‘revealed’ asking price for Rashford is the same price as The Sun themselves reported in May when they wrote: ‘MARCUS RASHFORD will be up for grabs for £40million this summer’.
Still, at least they’re not claimed that ‘Marcus Rashford responds after transfer decision confirmed as Manchester United links remain’ after ‘he’ liked a post from Aston Villa. Yes, we’re looking at you, Manchester Evening News. We always are.
Idiots’ guide to transfers‘Man Utd warned Bryan Mbeumo transfer will be OFF unless they meet Brentford’s huge asking price’ – The Sun.
Yep, that’s how transfers work.