It’s July 1st and the first day back in the office for Arteta, Berta and Fred, Arsenal’s new data analyst.
An invite drops in Fred’s calendar from Mikel.
**** Urgent Crisis Meeting**** 10am, my office.
“Blimey” thought Fred, “Must be important, it’s in person. Mikel only ever meets the first team face to face. The rest of us only get AI Mikel”
Fred gathers up his notes and runs to the boss’s office. As he enters, he is confronted by Mikel and Andrea frantically pulling out their hair, whilst surrounded by spreadsheets (prepared by Fred over the past 6 months), empty Costa coffee cups and half eaten Prêt sandwiches.
“Help!” scream Arteta and Berta, in perfect unison. “We’ve been up all night and we can’t decipher your spreadsheets. For Dennis’s sake, please help!”
“We need a striker. Someone tall, fast and doesn’t wander outside the box, unlike me…” Mikel adds, after downing the last dregs of his macchiato.
Fred takes a deep breath and begins, “It’s pretty simple really. I’ve narrowed it down to either Šeško or Gyökeres”
Andrea looks puzzled. “G-yo-ker-rays?”
Fred jumps in quickly, “It’s pronounced ‘YUR-ker-esh’…”
“Anyway, if you go to the end of my report, I’ve summarised my findings.”
Sesko " data-image-caption data-medium-file="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2239.jpeg" data-large-file="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2239.jpeg" class="wp-image-49401 size-full" src="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2239.jpeg" alt="Šeško" width="739" height="415" srcset="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2239.jpeg 739w, https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2239-200x112.jpeg 200w" sizes="(max-width: 739px) 100vw, 739px">
Šeško
6’5″, Faster than a YouTuber asking you to “like and subscribe”.
He’s like Haaland, but with better hair and worse finishing.
“Interesting” muses Mikel, “What about the other guy, Geo-Car-Rays”
“FFS, it’s Gy… whatever” interjects Fred.
The Gyok " data-image-caption data-medium-file="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2240.jpeg" data-large-file="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2240.jpeg" class="size-full wp-image-49402 aligncenter lazyload" alt="IMG 2240" width="739" height="415" data-sizes="(max-width: 739px) 100vw, 739px" src="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2240.jpeg" srcset="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2240.jpeg 739w, https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2240-200x112.jpeg 200w">
Gyokeres
The guy is a beast. Strong, clinical, and his name sounds like a Viking war cry.
Arteta asks again “How do we spell it? G-Y-O… is there an umlaut? Do we need a special keyboard?”
Fred, slowly losing the will to live, “We’ll just call him ‘The Gyök’ and hope no one notices.”
Still none the wiser, Berta looks out of the window and stares at Thierry’s statue.
IMG 2241 " data-image-caption data-medium-file="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2241.jpeg" data-large-file="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2241.jpeg" class="size-full wp-image-49403 aligncenter lazyload" alt="IMG 2241" width="194" height="228" data-sizes="(max-width: 194px) 100vw, 194px" src="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2241.jpeg" srcset="https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2241.jpeg 194w, https://gunnerstown.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/07/IMG\_2241-170x200.jpeg 170w">
“What would Henry do?” questions Andrea.
To his surprise, TH14 replies, “Buy both as cover for Kai.”
Mikel and Andrea both gasp. “Genius!”
wellman
English by birth, Australian by choice. Traffic Engineer, Arsenal ST Holder, Sun DreamTeam Winner, Writer on @GunnersTown, Depeche Mode, Welcome to my world…
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