We’re all of course very much enjoying Manchester United predictably failing to find buyers for the host of forwards they’ve told the world they don’t want, but they’re not alone in struggling to shift attacking talent this summer.
Fortunately for United, Liverpool, Chelsea, Newcastle and Arsenal, we’ve come up with a neat five-club forward swap deal to suit (almost) all parties…
Alejandro Garnacho to Chelsea
He’s surely the most No Way Back of all five no-way-backers at Manchester United, and we pray that he’s turning up to his prescribed 5pm bomb-squad training at Carrington donning the Aston Villa Marcus Rashford shirt along with the man himself, Jadon Sancho, Antony and Tyrell Malacia.
Interest from Napoli has gone quiet and Garnacho’s resisted the temptation to join idol Cristiano Ronaldo at Al Nassr as reports suggest he wants to stay in the Premier League amid interest from Aston Villa and Chelsea, who now look in a good state to receive a so-called ‘bad apple’.
Previous links to Garnacho, last summer and again in January, will have prompted Chelsea fans to wonder whether what they really needed was another mercurial forward yet to prove he’s worth the transfer fee, particularly one with a burgeoning rap sheet of off-field misdemeanours. But Champions League qualification, two major-ish trophies and £30m-odd off the asking price later and they probably think he’s worth the punt.
It’s hard to watch Garnacho and not think he could be brilliant, and if he’s not it doesn’t really matter for Chelsea right now, with Enzo Maresca building quite The Arsenal of attacking players for their inevitable title challenge next season.
Anthony Gordon to Liverpool
While he’s not thought to be pushing for the Newcastle exit, nor them pushing him, we’re guessing Gordon remains open to the idea of returning to his boyhood club given he couldn’t wait to break the news of his imminent move last summer and told all of his England teammates at Euro 2024 he would be leaving St James’ Park for Anfield before the transfer collapsed.
We’re far from convinced he’s what Liverpool need or whether he could make the step up, but Gordon’s got a knack of smearing egg all over our faces for doubting him and with the added danger of Arne Slot apparently wanting him, we wouldn’t dare to suggest it’s anything other than the perfect transfer.
Luis Diaz to Arsenal
Diaz may well win the race with Marcus Rashford to sign for and not be registered by Barcelona, while Bayern Munich are also interested, but Arsenal are also very much in the market for a new left winger.
We of course want this to happen on the proviso that Liverpool then sign Rodrgyo as well as Gordon to boil the utmost Gooners p*ss after their extraordinarily entitled reaction to signing Noni Madueke from Chelsea, the downside being Diaz is a wonderful footballer who would almost certainly be brilliant for them.
Leandro Trossard to Manchester United
Trossard has now decided he ‘wants to leave’ Arsenal this summer having presumably signed if not started the #NOTOMADUEKE petition, realising that his game time looks set to be significantly reduced as a result of the Chelsea star joining the club, along with Viktor Gyokeres and likely another forward.
The Manchester United chiefs will pitch that a move to Old Trafford is a more attractive prospect to the Belgian than the inevitable Saudi offer, and even a switch to Fenerbahce to play under Jose Mourinho. And although they would be fighting a losing battle with Bayern Munich should the Bundesliga giants push ahead with a move, it’s a transfer that makes a lot of sense for the Red Devils, if a bit of a disheartening one for Trossard.
He feels like a near-perfect player to operate in one of the inverted winger roles in Ruben Amorim’s infamous 3-4-3, and even assuming they finally secure Bryan Mbeumo from Brentford, the Portuguese boss will need players to rotate in those positions with Matheus Cunha and Mason Mount.
And signing Trossard would also grant Amorim the attractive prospect of playing three summer signings in a front trio rather than Rasmus Hojlund or one of the other deplorable options already tarred by the Old Trafford brush.
Christopher Nkunku to Newcastle
Reports suggest success with an ‘official bid’ for Hugo Ekitike would render this entirely moot as Newcastle insist they want an £86m striker to rotate with Alexander Isak rather than replace him, but if we lift the wool from over our eyes we’re comfortable in the belief that Eddie Howe may actually need another forward to rotate with Ekitike. He could sign both and still have change to spare.
Manchester United, Bayern Munich and Liverpool all retain a belief that there’s A Footballer In There despite Nkunku offering remarkably little evidence in his two-year stint at Chelsea, and the Frenchman may well look at Newcastle, with Champions League football and Howe’s standout record of improving players, as an excellent landing spot this summer.