As is always the case, three weeks into the new Premier League campaign, many of us are considering a career switch as we reflect on our pre-season predictions.
Florian Wirtz as PFA Player of the Year? Sunderland going down? Idiots.
It remains a cause of great frustration for us soothsayers that the transfer window remains open after the start of the season and believe it shutting on Monday merits another bash at those predictions.
As is traditional, tell me who will win the league.
Liverpool winning three games from three having played well for roughly 30 minutes across those victories over their greatest title challengers Arsenal, a raging Newcastle and a Bournemouth side that’s won both games besides without conceding a goal puts them way out in front as title favourites, if they weren’t already, as they will play well at some point, with the small matter of a new £130m striker to aid them in that quest.
And the rest of the top four, in order. Which nobody ever gets right.
Wouldn’t it be neat if the top four after three games was the top four at the end of the season, and d’you know what? We think it just might be. Chelsea have had favourable fixtures but have added a bit of The Arsenal to their armoury, while The Arsenal arguably now have too much of The Arsenal for even Eberechi Eze to balance out, so they’re coming third.
And while Manchester City’s opening day thumping of Wolves led to knee-jerk claims that they were Back, two defeats in two since, including one with Rodri at the base of their midfield, suggests they’re still more than a bit 2024/2025. Tottenham meanwhile have hired a very good manager and had a perfectly serviceable transfer window, in the end.
Three picks for relegation please.
We’re far from convinced that the signing of striker Tolu Arokodare from Genk will move the needle enough for pointless Wolves, who also kept hold of Jorgen Strand Larsen, but we can’t see much of a creative spark anywhere. West Ham confused us greatly with that win over Nottingham Forest and will probably have enough anyway. Burnley and Leeds to join Wolves.
Which club will be a pleasant surprise?
Kudos to Joe Williams for picking Sunderland as the pleasant surprise before they picked up as many wins (2) in their first three Premier League games as Southampton managed in the whole of last season.
And with their newfound status as a Premier League stalwart they signed Manchester United-linked Brian Brobbey and former Chelsea winger Bertrand Traore from Ajax on deadline day, while Arsenal-linked Lutsharel Geertruida joined on loan from RB Leipzig. That’s big boy sh*t, yeah.
Who will win the Golden Boot?
Nick Wolte… nah. That would be f***ing brilliant though, wouldn’t it? Him and Yoane Wissa do have a very good chance of beating the tally of the strikers they’ve replaced (23: Alexander Isak – 23; Callum Wilson – 0) but we’re not convinced either will a) play enough to win it or b) be prolific enough get anywhere close to matching Erling Haaland, who will presumably bumble his way to 30-odd to come out on top after three in his first three games.
Isak arguably had a better chance of winning it by staying at Newcastle, as he’s set to share the goalscoring load with Mohamed Salah and Hugo Ekitike after his excellent start to the season. Regretting it already, we imagine.
Which new signing will have the greatest positive impact?
There were three Joao Pedro calls before the season started and he’s already got two goals and two assists. Chelsea’s best player being a striker is very, very strange.
And which one will turn out to be a massive flop?
Plenty went for Viktor Gyokeres and after one very good game and two in which he did next to nothing he may not prove to be Arsenal’s all-conquering solution, but also doesn’t look as though he will stink the place out. Benjamin Sesko, however.
Four off-target shots in 80 minutes of Premier League football off the bench following a £66m move to solve Ruben Amorim’s goalscoring woes probably isn’t exactly what he had in mind, and he did himself no favours by stepping up tenth in the penalty shootout defeat to Grimsby Town having put a stoppage-time chance over the bar from roughly four yards out to ensure the game went that far.
Who will be the biggest bloody bargain?
Jack bloody Grealish. We can’t not count loan moves in this after four assists in two-and-a-bit games. Not sure we’ve ever been more pleased for a footballer ever.
Who will be named the PFA Player of the Year?
Florian Wirtz looks more likely to be in a different category and it’s not biggest bloody bargain. Cole Palmer’s not really played. F*** knows. A Liverpool player probably. Virgil van Dijk.
First manager to leave their Premier League job?
Nuno Espirito Santo will be lucky to survive the international break, if indeed he wants to keep his job and we really don’t think he does.
His relationship with transfer guru Edu looks to be beyond mending and we can’t imagine owner Evangelos Marinakis is overly thrilled by Nuno leaving their club-record signing out of his 25-man Europa League squad having bankrolled their biggest transfer window in history and the sixth-biggest in world football this summer.
It feels as though he’s putting nails in his own coffin.
READ MORE: Did the Nuno, Edu fight cost club-record signing place in Forest’s Europa League squad?
Pick the Champions League winner.
Arsenal have been handed a favourable Champions League draw, which matters in so much as Mikel Arteta can rest and rotate players rather than it making any real difference to the knockout stages, they’ve now got a very deep squad and may be boosted in their bid to go all the way in Europe when the Premier League becomes a near impossibility in the new year.
In five words, tell us what you are most excited about this season.
A proper f***ing title race.