Every outraged straight bro who has spent the past month lamenting the gayification of the NFL might want to sit down on their testosterone-infused fainting couches before reading this latest piece of football news…
The Tush Push has gone mainstream.
After popularizing the play on their way to being crowned Super Bowl LIX champions, the Philadelphia Eagles have announced that the Tush Push will have an official sponsor during the 2025 season. The seasons starts Thursday with the Eagles hosting the Dallas Cowboys.
Yes, the act of advancing the football via multiple 300-pound beefcakes propelling the quarterback forward by shoving him on the glutes is now so accepted by football fans that a company is paying to put its name on it.
Look out, Patrick Mahomes. One of the most prominent endorsement contracts in football now belongs to Jalen Hurts’ buttocks.
And which company had the big business idea to pay good money to slap its name on the Tush Push in the same way Eagles linemen slap their hands on their team’s most valuable rump?
Dear reader, that would be Dude Wipes.
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Now every time the Eagles run their signature play this season, football fans will be reminded of a sanitary wipes company that infuses men’s derrieres with fragrances like “Mint Chill” and “Shea Butter Smooth.”
So there you go, straight guys! Anytime some scary male cheerleader crushing sick choreography makes you feel squeamish about your heterosexuality, all you have to do is concentrate on the game and the many, many mentions of Hurts’ butt, each of which will earn the Eagles thousands of dollars!
Amazing how just adding the word “Dude” to something suddenly makes it acceptable to the sports brosphere. And this isn’t even the first instance of Dude Wipes putting its brand on the new NFL season.
Back in July, the Cleveland Browns unveiled alternate “Alpha Dawg” uniforms also sponsored by the flushable wipes company.
Said unis were head-to-toe brown, begging the question: When did the Browns hand off jersey design duties to the “South Park” guys?
Now thanks to Dude Wipes sponsorships, it’s going to be harder and harder to watch an NFL game in 2026 without being reminded of players’ peachy bums.
By Week 4, Barstool readers will be begging for Vikings cheerleader footage.
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