Suitably refreshed after his international break Preview Percy returns with a spring in his step and... No sorry we can’t lie any further. He’s dragging his arthritic frame about and moaning about everything just as he usually does as he considers the forthcoming visit of Tottenham...
Next after what seems like an eternity made even longer by the tedium of watching England play we return to home action where we will play host to Tottenham, who, regular readers will be aware, hate being called Tottenham. Kick-off on Saturday is at 5:30pm with TV coverage courtesy of Sky, should that be your preferred mode of viewing.
So Tottenham, then. As ever they are the present that keeps on giving. And giving. Having dismissed Ange Postecoglu on the grounds that, on the whole, nearly relegating one of the biggest clubs in Harringay was deemed to count for more than scraping a trophy thanks to a format that made it difficult to get knocked out, particularly when the trophy came with a turgid win against one of their relegation rivals.
Having hired Brentford boss Thomas Frank, legendarily parsimonious chairman Daniel Levy finally twigged after 24 years that it was Tottenham that he was in charge of and elected to resign, confusing the hell out of the League’s most confused supporters who can never decide what it is they are supposed to be thinking.
They won their first two having been given an easy start of Burnley at home (won 3-0) and an away trip to a very much off the boil Man City who they turned over 2-0 at the Etihad. As ever, the Tottenham support were demanding that the Premier League Trophy be handed over there and then to save all the hassle of having to play out the rest of the season.
Then Bournemouth rocked up at the Toilet Bowl. The Cherries only won 1-0, but the score apparently flattered the home side so much the old phrase about being lucky to get nil sprung to mind. All of that left them with six points from the three played so far, leaving them in fourth place.
They spent a few bob in their attempt to stay up this season. First to arrive was Kevin Danso. However since the £21m fee paid to Lens was merely making last season’s loan spell permanent, Daisy has refused to write any more about him, moving swiftly on to Mathys Tel, who she then refused to write about for precisely the same reason, save to point out that, despite costing a reported £50m, Tel has been omitted from their so-called Champions League squad.
Having dispensed with the services of Son Heung-min – whose departure without returning to these shores had “tax reasons” written all over it – they needed a new source of shirt sales income from the Asian market. Enter Kota Takei, a £5m signing from Kawasaki Fontale.
We won’t be seeing him any time soon, however. He arrived suffering from plantar fasciitis, a foot condition of which your correspondent has had personal experience. The good news is that we will be spared the apology that will be forthcoming when Roy Keane criticises Tottenham for “kamikaze” defending. At least for a bit.
Which brings us to Mohammed Kudus. Now the season before last he was half-decent. However, as the season progressed, there was a lot of huffing and puffing and some impressive-looking runs, all of which seemed to disguise the lack of an end product. Last season didn’t get any better and things weren’t helped by the distinct impression that the player had had enough.
The lack of interest from anyone decent was quite telling and having pretty much burned his bridges with us, he found Tottenham the only place left for him. A cursory look at some of the forums used by those Tottenham fans who can work a computer would suggest that the words “Blind Alley” is the most commonly used phrase used to describe his contribution this season. Still, £55m eh? Thanks a lot.
Xavi Simons was pinched from under the noses of Chelsea for a fee just shy of £52m. It says a lot for Chelsea’s reputation as a player processing plant as opposed to a football club that the player felt even Tottenham would be a better bet. The midfielder has 28 Dutch caps and was on target against England in the Euro '24 semi-final.
They brought in a couple on loan. Joao Palinha arrived after one season with Bayern. The Portuguese international who has 36 caps arrived on a deal which contains an option to buy for €30m. That would represent a loss of £21m in just two seasons for the Germans.
Palinha has visited these shores before having had a couple of seasons with Fulham, where he became the third player in the Premier League era to receive 13 or more yellow cards in two or more seasons. (In case you’re the slightest bit curious, the other two were Olivier Dacourt and, predictably, Robbie Savage).
The other arrival was French international striker Kolo Muani. Although nominally on the books at PSG they have him well down their pecking order – he spent much of last season out on loan at Juventus. The Old Lady didn’t seek an extension of the half-season loan this summer, despite him opening up with a goal in each of his first three games whereupon he pitched up at Tottenham for the whole of this season.
And let’s move on shall we to the wild and wacky world of Association Football. It was an international break and insomniacs were grateful for England’s 2-0 win over Andorra at Villa Park, Wembley being unavailable due to a Coldplay gig, begging the question “which crowd had the better deal?”
Things improved immeasurably with the 5-0 defeat of Serbia, though I can’t help feeling that the media reaction to the win was slightly OTT, nobody taking the fact that the Serbs stank the place out into account. They were so bad that when Jordan Henderson came on in the second half he failed to be the worst player on the pitch for once.
This is not good news of course, Tuchel will be encouraged to continue his inexplicable policy of selecting the player for his next squad.
Elsewhere, the authorities’ usual inability to apply the regulations twice in the same manner came out with a decent result for once as Grimsby received a slap on the wrist for fielding an ineligible player in their defeat of Moan United. Unlike us, when we did the same thing all those years ago. Still, most right-thinking supporters will be happy that the denizens of New Clee will live to fight another day. Tellingly, the Salford lot couldn’t be bothered to argue.
And so to us. Well after two dreadful weekends things took a turn for the better up at Forest, if you can remember that far back. It was an odd game that was sort of a mirror image of the visit to Sunderland. Some were pointing to the amount of possession the home side enjoyed. However, it was notable that it was Matz Sels, the home ‘keeper, who was called on to make the more difficult saves rather than Mads Hermansen, who carried a lot more confidence about him than he had shown in his two previous matches.
In defence, Mavropanos and Kilman did well – though to be fair Forest seemed to be picking them out with every poorly-placed cross. We had an impressive debut from Mateus Fernandes who slotted in nicely, winning the ball and setting things up in attack. Having said all that, as the game entered its final stages one would still have been looking at a 0-0 had one wanted a late wager at Mr Winstone’s.
Enter Messrs Wilson and Summerville, both of whom scared the bejasus out of the home defence. Summerville showed exactly what we have been missing, taking on and beating players in exactly the same way as Kudus didn’t. One such run culminated with the ball running through to Jarrod Bowen, whose splendid effort on the turn gave us what by that time was a deserved lead.
How pleasant was it then to see a team go one down, collapse and not be us? Summerville drew a rash challenge with Lucas Paqueta dispatching the spot-kick. I’m still not a fan of the Ministry Of Silly Run-Ups approach to spot-kicks, but I guess it works for Paqueta so who am I to judge?
Finally, we had a maiden goal for Wilson who in the short time he was on looked a lot more mobile and troublesome than Niclas Fullkrug had done. Summerville again was involved in the build-up before Malick Diouf sent the ball over. Wilson had turned his marker inside out going into the box and the space he created gave him the easiest of headers to put away.
The only low point came as Bowen went on a run, beat any number of Forest defenders only to find Wilson a more difficult prospect, the no.9 getting in the way enough to prevent a goal of the season contender.
Actually, now I remember it the real low point of the day was the game being stopped to allow a spectator to receive medical attention. The fact that the game wasn’t stopped for too long suggests that the problem may not have been that serious, but it’s a sobering sight at any match and one hopes the poor soul has made a decent recovery.
On the injury front, Fulkrug picked up a calf muscle injury which will keep him out for the rest of the month. Luis Guilherme and George Earthy are nearing returns to the squad, to which two new faces have been added. Soungoutou Magassa is described as a box-to-box midfielder who commanded a £17m fee to bring him over from Monaco. He can apparently turn his hand to central defence when required.
The final new boy was Igor Julio, whose loan from Brighton apparently naused up any chance of Liverpool signing Marc Guehi from Palace. Igor – no relation to the guy who used to sell peanuts at the Boleyn – already has a part in Hammers folklore, being the defender Bowen skipped past en route to scoring the winner against Fiorentina out in Prague.
We also have a new/old face on board. With the departure of Foderingham to Cyprus, a new ‘keeper was required and we found none other than Lukasz Fabianski at a loose end. So it’s welcome back to him.
So to the prediction. Well I’ll cut to the chase this week. They traditionally raise their game against their betters so whilst a win would be good, I think we may have to settle for a draw. So the £2.50 I was going to send to Mr Sullivan to compensate him for his contribution to Fab’s leaving present will instead be wagered at Mr Winstone’s emporium on an entertaining 2-2 draw.
Enjoy the game!
When last we met at The Olympic Drew 1-1 (Premier League May 2025)
A blunder from Max Kilman gave them the lead through Wilson Odobert. A fine finish from Bowen restored parity on the half hour before Michael Oliver did his best to give the visitors a leg up, falling for some of the least convincing dives outside Anfield then issuing Paqueta with a soft booking - the reaction giving grave concerns as to the Brazilian’s mental health, as the FA’s now discredited case rumbled on and on.
Referee: Jarred Gillet
Aussie chancer who David Moyes once described as “knowing nothing” about the game. Which, sadly, is as much a prerequisite for PGMOL membership as a lack of knowledge of stamp duty appears to be for membership of the Cabinet.
Danger Man: Mohammed Kudus
Cast off who will have his one decent game of the season against us. That’s how it works.
Percy and Daisy’s Amazing Tottenham Fact Of The Week Type Thing
In an episode of Red Dwarf, Holly the computer describes something particularly rubbish as being "a load of old Tottenham. A right steaming pile of Hotspur”. Comforting to know that some things won’t have changed, deep into the future.
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