One of the biggest news stories in Boston sports this week involved a lopsided pickup game between Boston Celtics media members and the team’s coaching staff on Tuesday.
While the reporters typically play each other in a friendly pickup game at the Celtics practice facility every year, head coach Joe Mazzulla decided to switch things up this year and have the media play the coaches instead.
Not surprisingly, Mazzulla’s coaching staff obliterated the unsuspecting reporters, outscoring them 57-4 over 12 dominant minutes.
Naturally, that begs the question: what would happen if the Bruins held a similar event with their coaches and reporters?
Bruins reporters Evan Marinofsky and Conor Ryan discussed the hypothetical scenario on Wednesday’s episode of the “Bruins Beat” podcast and believed there would be a similarly one-sided outcome.
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“It would suck. It would suck, Evan,” Ryan laughed.
Marinofsky agreed. “With the Bruins coaches…those guys can cook,” he said, adding that he would not be able to score on 60-year-old goaltending coach Bob Essensa.
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For starters, the difference in skating ability would create a massive talent gulf between the two sides. That alone would create a huge disparity and make things incredibly challenging for the reporters right off the bat, for the coaches can literally skate circles around them.
The media would also have a hard time getting enough power and velocity on their shots, making it difficult for them to get any shots past Essensa and the defense.
So while the final score wouldn’t be 57-4, it would still be considerably lopsided. Bruins reporters wouldn’t stand much of a chance against the more experienced and talented coaches, and there’s a real chance they’d be shut out.
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Fortunately for the media, Marco Sturm isn’t nearly as crazy as Mazzulla, so they’ll probably never have to find out.