westhamway.net

Much Ado About Nuno – The Tragedy of the Claret and Blue – A Halloween Play for West Ham

Characters:

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (narrator, wise and wry)

NUNO (bewildered manager)

SQUAD (players)

FANS (chorus, multiple voices)

SIR TREVOR BROOKING

PAOLO DI CANIO

BILLY BONDS

SIR GEOFF HURST

MARTIN PETERS

ALAN DEVONSHIRE

JULIAN DICKS

THE STADIUM GHOST (optional, for sound effects and atmosphere)

Scene 1: The Haunted Stadium

(Dim lights. Mist swirls. The faint sound of wind and distant football chants. BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST stands centre stage, scarf draped over his shoulders. FANS hum “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” softly in the background.)

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (stepping forward, solemn):

My name is Bobby Moore, Sir Bobby to the fans,

Although my boots are long hung up, my spirit haunts the stands.

I drift through empty terraces, unseen but ever near,

A claret and blue ex-captain, I’ll whisper in your ear.

I watched them train on Halloween, ‘neath Friday’s haunted moon,

Nuno’s boys looked weary, has all hope gone this soon?

(Sound: eerie wind, distant whistle. NUNO paces nervously with a clipboard. SQUAD looks tired.)

Scene 2: The Curse Begins

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:

At Sunderland the curse began, with three goals, no reply

Then Chelsea came to London, all we did was sigh.

Paqueta’s early magic, then five goals rained in fast,

A London Stadium nightmare, the spell was truly cast.

Brentford, Palace, Tottenham, another haunted three

But sadly all the London teams have danced in victory.

Scene 3: Nuno’s Dilemma

(NUNO stands, looking at his clipboard, confused. SQUAD gathers around.)

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:

And then the new boss Nuno, his clipboard in his hand,

Making team selections no mortal could understand.

His full backs on the wrong side, and no striker in sight

Callum Wilson on the bench, that really couldn’t be right.

Paqueta as a false nine, and Soucek in the middle

Irving in there too, no pace or power, a riddle.

And what about the centre backs, when corners bring us dread,

Nine goals conceded from set pieces, their boots are filled with lead.

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (echoing, voice in the mist):

I spoke to the squad, my voice echoing through the mist

I’ve got some questions Nuno, a very lengthy list.

Your choices leave us baffled, I know that you’re the boss

Please get it right this time, we can’t take another loss.

Scene 4: Shadows and Despair

(FANS stand, scarves raised. Shadows creep across the stage. Sound: low, haunting hum.)

FANS:

As fans we sing the anthem, our scarves held to the sky

But shadows creep along the pitch, and hope is running dry.

The echoes of old triumphs, the roar of distant cheers

Are drowned by restless spirits, and mounting modern fears.

The ghosts of Upton Park still wander through the night

They rattle in the rafters, they shiver in the light.

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:

We long for days of glory, for heroes brave and true

But now we’re left with curses and dreams that won’t come through.

FANS:

The pies are cold and costly, the beer’s a ghostly brew

The players heads are spinning, possessed by something new.

The substitutes are shivering, the bench is freezing cold

They really should be starting that’s if the truth be told.

Scene 5: The Legends Gather

(Fog thickens. LEGENDS appear, each with their own style. Sound: ghostly football crowd, faint cheers and groans.)

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (introducing the legends):

The spirits of old legends, they gather in the mist

Sir Trev is juggling pumpkins, Di Canio shakes his fist.

Billy Bonds is howling, defend that haunted post

Sir Trev is floating gently, a most polite old ghost

SIR GEOFF HURST (steps forward, swinging his arm):

Now here comes Sir Geoff, people on the pitch, how?

They think that it’s all over, it certainly is now.

The shot that hit the bar, ghosts gather and they groan

But even in the afterlife the answer’s still not known.

MARTIN PETERS (drifting by, pumpkin on head):

Martin Peters drifts by, with a pumpkin on his head,

He’s nutmegging the phantoms, his shirt 16 and red.

Arriving late as ever, that’s how he gets his kicks

And that is why he’s known as the ghost of 66.

ALAN DEVONSHIRE (dancing, hair wild):

Alan Devonshire’s dancing, his hair a haunted mop,

He glides through spectral midfielders, they trip until they drop.

He conjures up a cross, it swerves and disappears—

The keeper’s left bewildered, the crowd erupts in cheers!

JULIAN DICKS (swaggering in, boots muddy):

Julian Dicks arrives, he’s come straight from a rave

He scares off all the wingers, none of them are brave.

A sweet left-footed penalty, he shoots with all his might

But if he played with Nuno he’d be moved to the right.

Scene 6: The Haunted Warning

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST (addressing audience):

So heed this haunted warning to every claret and blue heart

The curse can yet be broken, but all must play their part.

Believe in West ham’s spirit, let courage see us through

And maybe then we’ll lift, the curse of the claret and blue.

Scene 7: The Bubbles and the Dream

(Soft instrumental of “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” begins. FANS blow bubbles, which float across the stage. Mist glows in the moonlight.)

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:

And through the misty darkness the bubbles start to rise

They shimmer in the moonlight, heading to the skies.

They fly so high as they nearly reach up to the sky

But just like our dreams they begin to fade and die.

Our fortunes forever hiding as we look around in despair

Just keep on blowing bubbles, pretty bubbles in the air.

Scene 8: The Finale

(Midnight bells chime. The fog rolls off the Thames. LEGENDS fade into the mist. FANS raise scarves, voices strong.)

BOBBY MOORE’S GHOST:

Now the midnight bells start chiming and the fog rolls off the Thames

The legends fade to shadows but the dream it never ends.

Raise your scarves to the heavens as the voices haunt the night

For every ghost in claret and blue still yearns to see us fight.

With fortunes always hiding, pretty bubbles shining through

One day we’ll break the curse and make our dreams come true.

(All join in singing “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles.” Bubbles drift across the stage. Lights fade.)

The End

Read full news in source page