When Dallas Cowboys head coach Brian Schottenheimer took the podium on Wednesday afternoon at The Star in Frisco, he did so with a heavy heart.
Less than a week since his team lost defensive end Marshawn Kneeland to an unimaginable suicide tragedy, Schottenheimer spoke publicly for the first time on how he and his team have grieved over the last few days.
“He had the most playful spirit of any young man I’ve been around,” Schottenheimer said in his opening comments. “His smile could take you to your knees. In terms of him as an athlete, no one had a better motor than him. My heart is heavy, our team’s heart is heavy. We don’t move on, but we do move forward.”
Anyone that has experienced a tragic loss knows that the grieving process is different for everybody, and that includes Kneeland’s Cowboys teammates. Shortly after news broke of the tragedy last week, the NFL sent counseling and grief resources to the Cowboys headquarters which arrived on Monday and have been with the team throughout the week.
“I’ve spent a lot of time in prayer, looking for answers,” he said. “But the National Football League is an amazing fraternity and I feel blessed, and I know our players do too to be a part of it because of the support that we’re receiving. We do this together. We don’t move on, but we do move forward. And we do that together. And we do that by locking arms and working and grieving and growing and processing together.”
At 1 p.m. on Thursday -- approximately three hours after the news broke -- the team held a video meeting where players and coaches were able to express their grief while most of them were back home during the team’s bye week. When they returned to the facility on Monday, they held a team meeting and had breakout sessions where players were able to talk and open up about the loss of their teammate. That continued on Tuesday with more breakout sessions and a 90-minute candlelight vigil inside the Ford Center, the team’s practice center, on Tuesday night.
“The vigil, it was beautifully done, beautifully done,” Schottenheimer said. “It was difficult as you can imagine. A couple of players spoke, but it’s the one thing that Catalina, his girlfriend, that was very important to her. Of course, these guys are incredible and they showed up in droves to support her.”
Along with Catalina Mancera, Kneeland’s girlfriend, speakers at the vigil included team owner Jerry Jones, Schottenheimer, his agent Jon Perzley, his uncle his high school coach Brandon Kimble, defensive tackle Osa Odighizuwa and defensive tackle Solomon Thomas.
“There’s no playbook [for dealing with this tragedy], there’s really not,” Schottenheimer said. “That’s where the late nights come in, but the biggest thing for me is being strong for our football team. We got an incredible locker room, that’s where the culture of what we’re trying to build comes in. We were bonded more than any of us ever could have thought.
“It’s going to hit everybody different. I literally wasn’t sure I could get through my part of last night speaking at his candlelight vigil, and I did. You just take it one day at a time, and you don’t have to have all of the answers. We don’t have all of the answers. We don’t. We probably won’t have all of the answers. But you lean into one another, you love on one another.”
Two players that have been able to step forward as a leader in this tough time around the team have been quarterback Dak Prescott and defensive tackle Solomon Thomas. Each have lost a sibling to suicide and have had to deal with the grief and pain of those losses.
“We’ve got some guys that have been through this,” Schottenheimer said. “I’ve never been through something like this, this close, that hits this close to home. There are guys that I can draw from with their experiences, and everybody deals with it different.”
In the press conference, Schottenheimer wasn’t only open about the emotions around his team, but also his own. Before he even took his seat at the podium on Wednesday, he had tears in his eyes. The pain was as clear as it could be. It’s been hard, but he said even he has had to lean on some guys around the team.
“That’s the beauty of a team,” he said. “One side of the ball is playing good, the other side of the ball has to pick them up. When one guy is hurting, someone else has to pick them up. If the head coach is hurting, someone’s got to pick me up. And I’m hurting. I’m hurting. And these guys have picked me up, and I’ve picked them up. That’s what we’re going to continue to do because we love one another. It’s what a family does.”
Some way, somehow, the team will return to the practice field on Thursday as they prepare for a Monday night matchup against the Las Vegas Raiders in Sin City. He knows it won’t be easy, but it will be the next big step in “moving forward” from such an unfair tragedy to have to manage during the season.
“Some guys, getting out on the grass is going to be the best thing in the world for them,” he said. “Some guys, getting out on the grass is going to be painful and that’s OK. And we’re going to give each other grace and time. But I do promise you this – these guys will be ready to play against the Raiders. And we will honor Marshawn with how we play, not just against the Raiders, but for the rest of the season.”
The Dallas Cowboys have set up the Marshawn Kneeland Memorial Fund to raise money for his family, including his unborn child. You can donate to the fund by clicking here.