I put my head under a lamp and stood in a cold shower to see if it would turn me into the greatest striker in the world
As if being the Premier League’s top goalscorer isn’t impressive enough, Erling Haaland has recently started a YouTube channel, with his first video amassing 5.1 million views in four days.
He takes the viewer for a walkthrough of a day in his life, which includes the guzzling of raw milk, red light treatment and an enormous helping of tomahawk steak.
I attempted to replicate his routine, at times having to heavily improvise, in the hope that I would become a 6ft 5in goalscoring machine.
The day begins
The morning begins with an early wake-up, around 7am for me, and a coffee.
He produced a hearty-looking beverage complete with a glug of maple syrup, raw milk and a professional-looking layer of thick foam.
Mine? A distinct lack of a coffee machine meant two spoonfuls of Nescafe gold with a slosh of thoroughly pasteurised milk. I did add the maple syrup though, which partially succeeded in masking the burnt flavour.
Twenty minutes after my rather sad excuse for a coffee, I was pulling on my boots for a short morning walk – a logical thing for wellness according to Haaland, and with the beautiful autumn scenery, I have to agree with him.
Breakfast time – the striker keeps it nice and simple, two fried eggs on a piece of sourdough.
Maybe the 25-year-old and I have more in common than I thought, as this is my go-to weekend breakfast.
Next, it’s off to the gym for some stretching and rehabilitation. No one at my gym was willing to give me a massage, so I had to skip that part of the routine, but my legs were certainly more flexible after the floor work.
Haaland stresses the importance of exposure to red light, which beams down from the sun, but in a sign that he is becoming increasingly British, he jokes that there isn’t much of that around in England in late October, so settles for a body-length red light emitter.
Red light therapy is something Haaland swears by in the dark winter months (Photo: Erling Haaland/YouTube)
I am shockingly not the owner of one of these contraptions so I, again, must improvise by sticking my face under a lamp for a minute. It’s basically the same thing, right?
Following his dose of UV, it’s off to the local farm shop to grab some raw milk and a mountain of steak for later, or for me, a short walk to my local Sainsbury’s.
Now I mean no disrespect to Manchester City’s chefs but the combination of egg fried rice, white fish (he had sea bass, I found some lemon sole in the back of my freezer) and asparagus is a bit strange as a lunch option.
It wasn’t bad, and is certainly nutritious but I, as a keen amateur chef, wouldn’t usually be found putting those ingredients together.
Now it’s time for the most predictable part of the day, football practice.
While Haaland skilfully taps the ball around with his teammates, I attempted some kick-ups in my back garden, which inevitably led to me battling through my neighbours’ hedge to retrieve my wayward ball.
I have decided that football is not my forte (Photo: Supplied)
I wonder if I’d be better at rainbow flicks? I think to myself.
After succeeding in firing it into my own backside three times in a row, I have emphatically answered my own question.
Retiring from my disastrous practice I once again enter the domain in which I am much more comfortable – the kitchen.
However, before he cooks, Haaland heads for a cold plunge followed by a stint in the sauna.
I couldn’t quite justify purchasing either of these to my boss, so I substituted them for a cold shower, which quickly turned to a hot shower after much swearing and shivering.
Following my ordeal, I am craving sustenance and luckily for me, the evening meal consists of steak, potato wedges, bearnaise sauce and salad – now we’re talking.
A hunk of red meat is certain to end the day on a high (Photo: Supplied)
A quick glance at BBC Good Food means my bearnaise sauce turns out surprisingly well for a first timer and my steak is juicy with a nice crust, albeit a bit overdone.
I had to make a couple of tweaks, such as cooking my steak in a pan rather than grill it on a barbecue and also use a smaller cut, but all in all I’m quite proud of my effort.
The Norwegian insists on eating the steak with his hands which, if you don’t mind some greasy fingers, is oddly fun.
Haaland swears by eating the barbecued meat with his hands (Photo: Erling Haaland/YouTube)
The verdict
I must admit, I wasn’t expecting the legendary player’s day to be so normal.
While there are obviously some activities that wouldn’t crop up in my daily life, Haaland’s routine didn’t involve any of the 4am starts or super strict meals that I thought it might.
Maybe I can still become a Premier League superstar after all…
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