Just like the small boat discourse and knowing the intricacies of Avanti DelayRepay, kicking Trent Alexander-Arnold while he’s down has become something of a national sport.
Rejecting Liverpool in favour of Real Madrid has seemed to anger more than just Anfield season-ticket holders.
English football does not like reminders of its place in the ecosystem, traditionally reserved for major tournaments, and how all the money in Christendom cannot dull the appeal of Spain’s big two.
And Trent’s vaulting personal ambition to win the Ballon d’Or has put a target on his back. Never mind football, English society loves nothing more than cutting aspiration down to size and wrapping itself in mediocrity.
Even a moment of personal triumph, registering his first La Liga assist as Madrid thumped Athletic Bilbao 3-0, was marred by injury and the cackles of internet comedians.
This was not quite putting it on a plate, Phil Foden-style. But it was still a pass of startling beauty, like watching a lone fox crossing a snow-covered No Man’s Land at dawn.
Gliding past Nico Williams, Trent spotted Kylian Mbappe on the opposite flank and unleashed a perfectly weighted floater that dissected the Athletic Club defence.
Watching the pass soar in the Basque sky, finding its target with pinpoint precision, was a reminder of Trent’s ethereal qualities. He has always been more than Luke Young with a stepover.
Mbappe did the rest, gliding past several opponents as if his boots had been replaced with jetskis, before spanking a spot past Unai Simon.
Look at this pass from Trent to Kylian Mbappé.
Holy sh*t, what a goal, I’m speechless. pic.twitter.com/oC9SFp4QaS
— 10 (@Kylian) December 3, 2025
But limping off in the 55th minute was more in keeping with the narrative around his first months at Madrid.
Marca were merciless in their assessment of the 27-year-old following the drab 1-1 draw against Girona last weekend.
Alfredo Relano is one of the most famous football writers in Spain and savaged the former Liverpool star.
“Now that Trent is here, he seems like a clueless and insubstantial player, with the expression of a rabbit in the headlights,” Relano wrote.
“His quality at set pieces is masked by his right foot, but in open play, he is non-existent.”
It’s an eye-catching quote, one that plays into existing preconceptions of Trent’s on-field limitations with a drive-by on his personal character for dessert.
Naturally, it’s been leapt upon by fans back in England and doubtless pricking the consciousness of Thomas Tuchel too.
As the World Cup draw looms, Trent’s international prospects are looking bleak, with Tuchel placing his chips on Reece James and his spaghetti-style hamstrings.
In truth, English football has never known quite what to do with unique talents like Trent.
We expect our full-backs to be sturdy and cross-country champions, not languid and softly-spoken with actual sorcery in their boots.
Failure to conform invites ridicule, which leads to the recipient questioning whether to double down on their individuality or become a pale clone of everyone else.
Xabi Alonso is standing by Alexander-Arnold and before the Girona draw said: “It’s his first year, and this adjustment period is normal.
“He’s also demanding of himself, and we have to support him through this significant change.”
His humbling experience so far in Madrid will be used as a cautionary tale; don’t get ideas above your station, keep your head down and accept your lot.
Reason and perspective have long been lost to the relentless demands of content, but the desire to two-foot Trent speaks more about ourselves than anything else.
By Michael Lee
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