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By LUKE POWER, SPORTS REPORTER
Published: 06:32 EST, 15 December 2025 | Updated: 06:50 EST, 15 December 2025
John Terry says he considered suicide after his penalty miss in the 2008 Champions League final.
The Chelsea legend slipped and hit the post with what could have been the decisive spot-kick against Manchester United - before the Red Devils eventually won the shoot-out.
Nicolas Anelka missed a penalty after him but Terry's slip is still seen as the iconic and defining moment from Moscow's Luzhniki Stadium.
Now Terry, 45, admits he considered suicide from the 25th floor of the team's hotel - before his team-mates led him away.
Speaking to Reece Mennie on his podcast, he said: 'Looking back, I would have loved at that time to have spoken to someone because I remember after the game, we all went back to the hotel and I was on the 25th floor in Moscow, and I'm just looking out the window just going, "Why? Why?"
'I'm not saying if I had that opportunity that you'd jump, but you know things go through your head at that particular time.
John Terry (left) says he considered suicide after his penalty miss in the 2008 Champions League final
Chelsea lost on penalties to Manchester United (pictured walking back to the hotel in Moscow)
'Then the boys came up and they took me downstairs. It's those moments that you have the "what if?" You just never know, do you.'
He added: 'At the time, three or four days later, we went and met up with England so now we're sitting across the dining table with the Man United players, which was the worst thing ever anyway!
'But then we played America at Wembley and I ended up scoring, I scored a header from outside the box, and just after that I was like, "why couldn't I just swap that moment for that?"
'Still even now today, it goes over in my head. It has softened over the years for sure but I think when you're playing and you're churning out game after game, season after season, you compartmentalise it a little bit and put it right to the back.
'But it's now that I'm retired, I've not got that focus of playing every week or playing in front of the supporters and having that buzz, that it really gets me. I still wake up middle of the night and go oh yeah it did happen, and I don't think that I'll ever go.'
Terry was left heartbroken on the pitch and felt the need to apologise to the fans in an open letter on Chelsea's website in the wake of the defeat.
After shedding many tears, he admitted he only slept for a few hours in the days after the final and was constantly reliving the night.
Four years later, Chelsea beat Bayern Munich on penalties and Terry finally got to lift the trophy, although he was actually suspended for the match after being sent off in the semi-finals against Barcelona.
His slip in the rain against Manchester United is one of the iconic images from the game
Terry got his hands on the Champions League trophy in 2012 although he was suspended for the final
Terry enjoyed an illustrious career with the Blues, winning five Premier League titles, five FA Cups, three League Cups, and a Europa League alongside his triumph at Europe's top table.
This is the first time that Terry has indicated that he considered suicide.
He credits Chelsea's then-assistant manager Ray Wilkins for his support in what was a difficult period.
'Ray Wilkins was probably the best for that I'd say, who was assistant manager to Carlo [Ancelotti], that was 2008, the penalty I missed, the penalty against Man United in Moscow. You find out very quickly who your friends are and who the people really care and look out for you are,' he said.
'Ray was the first one on the phone after that game and making sure I was okay, and a few other people.
'It's those moments that really make you realise that friends in football are few and far between. But the real ones at the difficult moments do stand out.'
When Wilkins died in 2018, Terry described him as a 'great person to have around'.
Asked how he manages the pain of missing the penalty, which he feels to this day, Terry said: 'I don't know. It's just, get on with it.
Terry says that Carlo Ancelotti's assistant Ray Wilkins (right) was a big support to him
'I grew up in a world, certainly from my dad, if he was upset or whatever you get a clip around the ear and you get on with it.
'You get up and you know you go and kick the biggest player and that kind of thing was the mentality back then. Things are different now, which I think is so big in in terms of football.'
For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116 123, visit samaritans.org or visit https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/
ChelseaJohn Terry