As Premier League clubs look to borrow players through January for the rest of the season, we remember eight loan deals that didn’t turn out to be the quick fixes intended…
Including two Arsenal signings and a centre-back brought in to play up front for Liverpool, all eight deals were completely and utterly pointless.
They certainly weren’t season-defining loans like this little list.
Kim Kallstrom to Arsenal
Kallstrom joined Arsenal with a broken back and left with an FA Cup winner’s medal. He even scored a penalty against Wigan in the semi-final shootout, making him the least pointless signing on this list. The Swede himself admitted his time at Arsenal was bizarre, writing on the club’s official website that he was “not meant” to take a penalty for the Gunners at Wembley Stadium.
Arsene Wenger must have really wanted Kallstrom to sign him while he had a serious back injury; either that or Arsene simply knew the former Lyon man would play a brief but crucial role in ending the north Londoners’ long wait for a trophy.
Kallstrom had to wait over three weeks just to make the bench, and his first involvement came in Wenger’s 1,000th game as Arsenal boss, everyone knows how that went. The experienced midfielder played 11 minutes against Swansea City a few days later and was an unused substitute more often than not until the end of the season.
He did get 90 minutes under his belt in a 3-1 win over West Ham and, of course, played seven minutes of extra time against Wigan before converting the second Gunners spot-kick of the penalty shootout.
In Kallstrom’s own words: “Here, I walked in, hit the penalty, we won a trophy and then I walked out again.”
Steven Caulker to Liverpool
Caulker was warming the bench at Southampton while on loan from QPR when he joined Liverpool in January due to an injury crisis in Jurgen Klopp’s defence. Ironically, he was only ever really used as a last-chance saloon, Plan B, lump-it-up-to-the-big-man option in the dying embers.
He came off the bench in the Premier League three times. His Reds debut came against Arsenal with Liverpool trailing 3-2 in the 88th minute; the match finished 3-3 after a Joe Allen goal. Make of that what you will.
Next up: Manchester United. His one-minute cameo was not quite as successful. He entered the pitch with Liverpool 1-0 down and that’s how it finished.
Then came Norwich City at Carrow Road, the famous 5-4 victory in which Klopp broke his glasses celebrating Adam Lallana’s 95th-minute winner. Caulker entered the pitch in the 90th minute with Liverpool 4-3 up before the true carnage unfolded. Sebastien Bassong equalised before Lallana’s bouncing volley won it for the Reds.
That was Caulker’s final Premier League appearance for the club. All three of his league games in red came within the space of ten days.
A week later, he played his final match for Liverpool: a 0-0 draw against West Ham in the FA Cup. He did not make the squad for the replay, when Liverpool were knocked out in extra time.
Caulker’s time at Anfield is one fans look back on fondly, mainly because it is genuinely quite amusing.
Denis Suarez to Arsenal
Signing a 25-year-old Barcelona midfielder on loan sounds like smart business, but Arsenal ultimately paid the Catalan club over £2m to use their player a handful of times before he returned to Spain, later leaving the Nou Camp for Celta Vigo for around £11m.
Suarez played 67 minutes in the Premier League across four matches. His debut came against Manchester City, essentially completing a bleep test for his half-hour on the pitch. The score was 3-1 when he came on and remained so, with little happening after Sergio Aguero completed his hat-trick in the 61st minute.
The Spaniard won four matches and lost two at Arsenal, doing very little in wins over Huddersfield, BATE Borisov, Bournemouth and Manchester United. He did, mind, play 16 minutes in the embarrassing first-leg Europa League knockout defeat to BATE.
When Suarez joined, then-Arsenal boss Unai Emery praised his versatility. In fairness, the midfielder was used in three different positions, right, left and centrally. All pretty pointlessly.
Unfortunately for both club and player, Suarez picked up an injury and missed Arsenal’s final ten competitive matches of the season. He had won the Europa League in 2015 with Emery at Sevilla and was perhaps brought in as nothing more than a good-luck charm. Maybe his presence on the bench would have changed the outcome of the final against Chelsea?
Weston McKennie to Leeds
More disastrous than pointless, there was excitement when the USA international arrived from Juventus for the second half of 2022/23 as Leeds sought to swerve relegation once again. McKennie, however, made no impact at Elland Road, certainly no positive one.
It didn’t help that Jesse Marsch, the manager McKennie signed to play for, was sacked a week after his arrival.
McKennie made 19 Premier League appearances and registered just one assist. “I didn’t have the best performances. I felt I let certain people down,” he later admitted.
He couldn’t wait to get away. After being serenaded with chants of “you fat b*****d!” by Leeds fans upon his withdrawal on the hour in the final match of the season – a 4-1 defeat to Spurs that sealed relegation – McKennie made a dash for the train station with a one-way ticket.
Frustratingly for Leeds, the 27-year-old is now doing very well back at Juventus.
Federico Macheda to QPR
When Macheda burst onto the scene with his winning goal against Aston Villa, it felt like Manchester United had done it again – another wonderkid ready to take the world by storm.
It didn’t quite work out that way.
United may not have won the league in 2009 without Macheda’s goals in consecutive matches. He was rewarded the following season with nine first-team appearances. Things didn’t improve in 2010/11, and he was loaned to Sampdoria, scoring zero goals in 14 Serie A matches.
The following season felt like his last chance. A January loan to QPR offered regular Premier League football, or so it seemed. He played three league games and three FA Cup matches, scored no goals, and returned to United early due to injury.
As loan spells go, it doesn’t get much worse.
Macheda is now playing for Asteras Tripolis in Greece, the Italian forward is 34 years old.
Andy Goram to Manchester United
Remarkably, Goram was substituted in both of his appearances for United, which must be some sort of record for a goalkeeper.
He joined in January from Motherwell – who were reportedly set to release him – and was sadly a shadow of his former self.
Goram made his name at Rangers, earning the nickname “The Goalie” while winning five league titles, two Scottish League Cups and three Scottish Cups. Technically, he added a Premier League winner’s medal during his half-season at Old Trafford.
In reality, he made just two appearances. He lasted 66 minutes on his debut against Coventry City after picking up a Jaap Stam backpass, then failed to reach the hour mark against Southampton a month later.
He was an unused substitute on the final day against Tottenham and did not feature in any of United’s six Champions League matches, two FA Cup ties or 14 of their 17 league games.
To make things even better, he did not get on with club captain Roy Keane. Because…Roy Keane
Alexandre Pato to Chelsea
A player who never lived up to his incredible potential, Pato arrived in the Premier League in 2015/16 after Chelsea signed him on loan from Corinthians.
He wasn’t fit when he arrived and had to wait until April to make his debut against Aston Villa. He scored at Villa Park, making it one goal from one appearance. He then played roughly an hour in the next match – a 1-0 defeat at Swansea – and that was near enough it.
Signing a player on loan only to have him sit on the bench for 99% of his spell is baffling. Perhaps Chelsea were trying to boost their popularity in Brazil?
Since his completely pointless time in west London, Pato has played in Brazil, Spain, China, the USA and is now back in Brazil with Sao Paulo.
Noha Lemina to Wolves
Three appearances for the Under-21s. None for the first team.
What a waste of time for everyone.
Lemina now plays for Yverdon-Sport in the Swiss second division.
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