The following is a transmission of Mavs Moneyball state media. Please take with the appropriate grains of salt.
FOLKS. THE TRADE MACHINES ARE HOT HOT HOT, AND I’VE GOT DEALS DEALS DEALS.
Calling all NBA teams! Come on down to the Flaggship Trading Post And Roster Supply Store. We’ve got new stock coming in, and we can’t extend our current inventory any further.
We’re crushing the competition with our low prices. You don’t believe me? Come see it for yourself!
You want a surefire Hall Of Famer, one of the top 75 players in NBA history? Anthony Davis is here! Sometimes! Only while supplies last and folks, THEY ARE RUNNING OUT FAST.
Mandatory Credit: Rob Gray-Imagn Images
Mandatory Credit: Rob Gray-Imagn Images
Rob Gray-Imagn Images
We’ve got splash brothers available too, people. We have a lightly used Klay Thompson in storage, READY TO MOVE. These deals are some real hot girl sh**! And for the low, low price of an expiring contract and a pick, he can drive the boat for your team all the way to a ring.
Best of all, we’ve got a NEWLY refurbished Kyrie Irving ready to hit the lot. And folks, this is by request only. He is DEFINITELY NOT on the market. But here at the Flaggship Trading Post And Roster Supply Store, EVERYTHING HAS A PRICE!
BUT WAIT, THAT’S NOT ALL!
Since our interim general managers are just pressing buttons on the trade machine like it’s a Las Vegas Sands slot machine, nothing is off limits! There must be no evidence of last year’s crime, and EVERYTHING MUST GO.
Sure, Luka Doncic isn’t coming back. But you know what is coming back? DRAFT PICKS, EXPIRING CONTRACTS AND PING PONG BALLS.
We’ve got centers, yes we do. Who wants Gafford, how ‘bout you? Folks, the Landlord is thriving and looking to acquire more tenants. COME MAKE THIS HOUSE A HOME NOW!
I CAN’T GIVE AWAY TALENT FAST ENOUGH! A positionless basketball Swiss Army Knife, Naji Marshall is sharpening his skills for a playoff run and I just can’t keep him! Take a stab at bringing the knife into your life! YOU WON’T REGRET IT.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
(Photo by Amanda Loman/Getty Images)
(Photo by Amanda Loman/Getty Images)
Getty Images
When you acquire ANY player, we’ll throw in a contract filler for free! Caleb Martin! Jaden Hardy! Dante Exum! MAVRELLO! FREE!
SO COME ON DOWN TO THE FLAGGSHIP TRADING POST AND ROSTER SUPPLY STORE. WE’RE SHIPPING OUT PLAYERS STRAIGHT FROM NICO HARRISON’S CHAMPIONSHIP WINDOW TO YOUR ROSTER. BRING YOUR PICKS, BRING YOUR SWAPS AND BRING YOUR GUARDS TO THE TABLE TODAY.
The Flaggship Trading Post And Roster Supply Store. Where remember, we’re not tanking. We’re just prioritizing our future. At high speed. With no brakes. And, yes, a military grade tank. Thanks, Nico.