CLEVELAND, Ohio — Am I losing it?
That’s one of the questions some of us ask ourselves. I wrote about the inner voices we hear, the ones that accuse us of messing up or point out how we’re not as good as we used to be.
I sensed I was not alone in battling self doubt, which led to my Faith & You column last week. That inspired a lot of responses. There were so many good ones, I feel bad for those that were left out.
I changed some of the first names because this stuff is pretty personal.
Voices from the past
I honestly believed I was heading towards Alzheimer’s. I have been tortured for eons by the negative messages that were sent my way since childhood. I was always told I was fat, ugly, and stupid, and reminded that I would never amount to anything.
I fought back in anger once I was removed from the source – my father. I lost weight, then went to college, and became a registered nurse. I still had problems with how I felt about myself, but I was taught by a doctor to look into the mirror every day and say “Every day in every way I am getting better and better.”
I am retired. I still have my moments, but such is life. I do forget names, places, dates, events, but it is life. I am healthy, love my life, and yes, between the Bible and friends, I am doing well. I hope people know just how valuable the Bible is.
– Judy
Right Vs. Wrong
I write a few items daily in my Gratitude Journal. It helps me focus on what went RIGHT on each day rather than what went WRONG! How did I FIT IN on that day? Did I make a difference to anyone on that day? Did I make someone smile? Did I try to help anyone fit in, even with just an acknowledgment of who they were that day? Helping other people helps me feel worthwhile, like I was meant to be there that day!
– Rose
How to press on
I’m in my 70s, recently retired from the nursing field. Despite feeling relatively healthy, I’ve had three major surgeries in four years. The doubts and shaken feelings of purpose and self worth have reared their ugly heads more often than ever before.
Realizing that God continues to order my steps helps me be more willing to move my feet. His purpose for my life, while redefined, is still alive. I press on!
– Brenda
BEING LABELED
People are often label with a negative and it sticks with them. Susan Santola
When confidence is shaken
I took early retirement last year, but prior to that I had serious struggles with work. At one point I had aspired to be in a leadership position, but a series of events set me back. My confidence started to wane, and the inner voices took over.
With every assignment I took on, the voices would immediately start with how I was going to mess it up. Eventually, I lost all confidence in myself. It even started to impact my personal life and my health.
To combat it, I decided to reflect on my life. I listed all the positive things I had done and all my accomplishments. I did this for every phase of my life, as far back as I could remember.
Next to each one, I also put the quality that I felt it displayed (compassion, generosity, leadership, etc.). It served as a nice reminder that I had a lot of value to add in other aspects of my life as a husband, father, and member of the community. It also helped me realize that my work struggles didn’t have to define who I was as a person.
– Matt
Words we need to hear
I have battled thoughts of not being good enough my whole life. I am a physician and finished residency at age 27, but I still battled the thoughts. I recently had my 49th birthday. For the first time in my life, my father told me he was proud of me. It was a small miracle for me. Something I had been waiting my entire life to hear.
I don’t know if the thoughts will stop, but over the years I have learned to not rely on my own strength but His. I know that I am good enough not because of anything I have done. It’s because I am one of God’s chosen and He says I am good enough.
– Fred
Losing a job
I was let go from my company without explanation. Since then, I question my day to day life. I know I am the patriarch of my family. I take that very seriously with pride. Outside of that, there are days where I feel less relevant.
At 73, I truly enjoyed my work and losing that job was devastating. Now, I do have times where I can’t find things to do to keep me occupied. I have worked with a psychologist and we talk about this. I have a wonderful life with a wonderful wife, children, and grandchildren. I will keep on looking for the missing link. I am a work in progress.
– Steve
A country song
I walk into a room and think, “Why did I get up and come into the room?”
Many times, if I walk back into the room that I just left – it pops back into my head. Must have been floating in the air.
There is an old country-western song with this verse:
I may not be as good as I once was.
But I am as good once as I ever was.
– Tim
A teacher speaks
Having been a teacher and very productive all my life it’s tough to feel a slowing down. It’s frustrating. Volunteering with women’s organizations helps me feel useful. For years I prayed for help and guidance with my students and teaching. Now I pray, “Please put me somewhere that I may do things to help others - to do good.”
– Marion
dealing with stress
There are times when the world feels like it's crushing us.Susan Santola / Advance Local
The painful questions
As a child, I wondered, “Why aren’t I popular or funnier or why can’t I play sports better?”
In my career, I wonder, “why can’t I have a voice like that guy?” Or “was that story good enough?” Or “am I losing my marbles” because I suddenly can’t remember the name of the woman I’ve worked with for five years.
I’ve found the “filter technique” to be successful in dealing with my negative self-talk. We have a million thoughts that pass through our heads each day. But we also have an ability to filter those thoughts. Think of an air filter. It catches the junk and lets the good air through.
Our filter can catch the junk....something that simply isn’t true. It’s simply junk and doesn’t take up space in my head. But some things are true and they can pass through the filter, but then we have the ability to interpret them.
We are in charge of how we interpret a thought once it gets through the filter. So just because we have a thought, it doesn’t mean it’s true. And if it is true, we are in charge of how we interpret it or let it affect us. When we practice positivity and filtering, it’s amazing how negativity doesn’t get to occupy as much of our head space.
– Brian
Who do you talk to?
The one thing I’ve learned in my 70-plus years is to associate with positive people as much as possible. Take strength from them and pass it along to negative people. That makes me feel very good about myself, and generates positive thoughts within myself.
My late brother was a very negative person who found fault with most things and most people on a daily basis. What I came to realize was that he had those feelings because he was always dwelling on his own failures. If he could find negativity in others it would lift him above them.
Once I realized that, I would always compliment him on his successes in life and the good things he’d done. As a result, my trying to help him helped me dwell on the positive, and recognize my good fortune and the little victories in life.
I remember coming home from the (Vietnam) war and realizing how blessed I was to be in one piece. I think that had a profound effect on me, even at 20 years old. Many others weren’t so lucky. I looked at things differently after that and saw everything in a positive light.
– Ken
The final exit
As I approach the final exit on the turnpike of my life (I will be 89 next month), I can’t spend a whole lot of time worrying about what might have been. Even though I lost my best friend (wife of 46 years) to the brutal Alzheimer’s disease – my life has been one Blessing after another: 6 kids - 19 grand kids - 12 great grand kids - and a bunch of friends at church and elsewhere.
The older you get, the better the chances of experiencing at least some mild cognitive impairment. There is no escaping it. I am having those issues now - but I won’t dwell on it. God has been good to me.
– John