ARSENAL MUST HOPE Manchester City fall asunder as quickly in the Premier League title race as they did against Real Madrid in the Santiago Bernabeu.
A 22-minute hat-trick in the first half from captain Federico Valverde was stunning in more ways than one.
Not only was his technique exquisite and execution deadly, but the way City crumbled, the way they looked weak and slow and lacking in concentration was truly breathtaking.
Everything began to go wrong once poor Antoine Semenyo slipped in the box and the ball bounced off his face away to danger. There were 16 minutes on the clock and until that point City looked half decent.
They were a threat down both flanks with balls flashing across the six-yard box only for Erling Haaland to be snuffed out.
A corner routine offered Semenyo that chance and when he got the few yards of space required to attempt a first-time shot from Bernardo Silva’s the January signing from Bournemouth slipped on the retractable pitch. He probably wished to be removed along with it at that point.
Each of Valverde’s three goals highlighted his own supreme talents while simultaneously shining a light on the defects in City’s team.
Let’s start with goal number one.
A short goal kick routine seemed to put Madrid in a muddle in their own six-yard box. As City began to press, complacency and concentration cost them dear 60 yards away. Nico O’Reilly could see Valverde over his shoulder just inside his own half. Rather than retreat slightly he pushed up and a long Thibaut Courtois diagnol caught him cold.
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Valverde had all the time it took the ball to drop from the sky to judge his next move. A sublime first touch on the run to take it in his stride brought him towards the City box.
Gianluigi Donnarumma half read the danger and as the burly goalkeeper rushed out he momentarily seemed to either lose his bearings or misread the direction of the midfielder’s run.
Valverde nipped the ball to the Italian’s right, skipped around him on the left, and it seemed as though Donnarumma could have easily swiped the ball clear with his left hand. Instead, he pulled it back towards his body, perhaps fearing he would handle it outside the area or risk bringing the Uruguayan down.
He would have no such qualms about committing such a sin later on.
Valverde was only getting started in making a holy show of City. What was to come was so outrageous as to perhaps require confession for indulging in watching it.
Poor Bernardo Silva was left for dust by Vinicius Junior on the left touchline as the Brazil superstar put the afterburners on with a drive inside. His pass was deflected by a feeble, stodgy outstretched leg of Ruben Dias and the City defence was unable to react.
Valverde was already making his run from the opposite flank and while fortuitous to have the ball drop in his lap, it required an instant clarity of thought to realise the full benefit of the opportunity.
His first touch was quietly perfect and the one that followed, firing a left-footed shot across goal beyond Donnarumma into the far corner, created one of those brief silences as a whole stadium waits in anticipation of the net bulging.
Then came the roars of delight.
None of this should really have been any surprise. Like James Brown feigning fraility and pain on stage before a dramatic comeback performance, Madrid can make you think they’re down and out and gripped by some form of crisis.
Whether it’s a manager who is on the verge of being sacked or a star player – Kylian Mbappe in this instance – watching from the stands due to an injury which, rumour has it, could lead to him possibly missing the World Cup.
Or he will be back for the second leg. Who knows with Real Madrid? When the shiny, glistening handles of the big pot come into view this is a club that seems to become transfixed beyond reason or measure.
And the third of the night, well, this was like Paul Gascoigne at Euro 96 except instead of a dentist’s chair celebration Valverde probably tried to sneak his legs into some compression boots to help with the shift he continued to put in with Trent Alexander Arnold impressing behind him.
The hat-trick goal was glorious. Brahim Diaz took the ball just inside the right corner of the 18-yard box. He was facing into a box of City players. O’Reilly was to his right, Jeremy Doku was approaching from the left, and behind them were Dias and Rodri.
All four City players were flat-footed and standing square. Valverde was just over Rodri’s shoulder about six yards outside the box as Diaz stood still with the ball at his feet.
It was only a couple of minutes before half-time but Valverde was not going to take the easy option by not moving. He made a sharp dash off Rodri, a humbling moment of ball watching for one of the game’s greats and former Ballon d’Or winner.
The purpose of the run practically forced Diaz to try find him by an means necessary. He dug out a gorgeous clipped pass over the head of Dias just a few feet away. The perfection continued.
Poor Marc Guehi didn’t anticipate the danger quickly enough to get across and by the time he did, Valverde’s touch over the defender’s head sent Guehi so far out of the game he might well have ended up back at Crystal Palace.
Or possibly even all the way to Macclesfield given he was in the Palace side that got knocked out of the FA Cup by the non-league minnows before his January transfer.
This is a whole different stage, and Valverde reinforced that. It was as if he was floating in the air after that flick and his rifled finish on the volley from six yards out was like meeting the ball in the clouds. It was a goal from the heavens.
Vinicius Junior saw his penalty saved by Donnarumma early in the second half but there was no grand onslaught. Instead, City’s meek reaction suggests that what might just be Pep Guardiola’s last stand in the Champions League will end with him being cut down at the knees as Madrid, inspired by Valverde, zero in on a familiar kind of glory.