BRENT A GOB: This week, Harry Brent's going after Enzo Fernandez for his not-so-subtle attempt to stir up doubt about his Chelsea future, as well as the folks who think spelling properly is a personality trait
11:36, 08 Apr 2026Updated 11:36, 08 Apr 2026
Our man Harry Brent is raging in his latest column
View 5 Images
Our man Harry Brent is raging in his latest column
Who does Enzo Fernandez think he is – besides a stroppy-looking cross between a Shoreditch barista and Scrappy-Doo?
Don't get me wrong, Chelsea's 'project' looks about as enticing as a Wetherspoons lock-in with Richard Keys – but £107m midfielder and club captain Enzo's attempts to wiggle out of it had all the subtlety and class of a Dan Burn double-stepover.
Last month, the Argentine let slip that he was considering his future and quite fancied living in Madrid – home, entirely uncoincidentally, of Real "wink-wink, nudge-nudge" Madrid, who have been linked with the midfielder for more than a year.
Enzo Fernandez's comments about his Chelsea future were classless
View 5 Images
Enzo Fernandez's comments about his Chelsea future were classless(Image: Getty Images)
JOIN US ON FB! Get all the best sports news and much more on our Facebook page
After Liam Rosenior quite rightly decided to sit him on the naughty step for a week, Fernandez's agent started moaning about how "unfair" it all was, like some mopey teenager who'd just had their strawberry-ice vape confiscated.
Apparently, Enzo did nothing wrong because he didn't specifically say he wanted to leave Chelsea and didn't specifically mention another team. Well that's even more specifically brainless than the logic Tottenham used when they hired Igor Tudor.
Do footballers and their slimy agents think we're all thick? I hate to use the word because it's more overused than PGMOL apologies, but this is pure gaslighting.
Liam Rosenior decided to leave Enzo Fernandez out for two games - and was right to do so
View 5 Images
Liam Rosenior decided to leave Enzo Fernandez out for two games - and was right to do so(Image: Getty Images)
Enzo Fernandez was forced to sit out Chelsea's last game
View 5 Images
Enzo Fernandez was forced to sit out Chelsea's last game(Image: Darren Walsh/Chelsea FC via Getty Images)
It's like Arsenal's international break 'injury crisis' – this is nothing more than a sneakily orchestrated stunt that – like Liam Delap this summer – no one is buying.
They're trying to hide behind a veil of plausible deniability so thin it makes Cole Palmer look like Arnold Schwarzenegger – and just like those neck tattoos, it's a really bad look for Enzo.
He deserves the captain's armband the same way Alexander Isak deserves the Ballon d'Or.
Umlaut of order
Modern society is riddled with empty, feel-good gestures the way Chelsea are riddled with terrible goalkeepers – but that's no excuse to spell the name of the Turkish national football team "Türkiye".
FIFA might be forced to spell Turkey "Türkiye" - but that doesn't mean you should
View 5 Images
FIFA might be forced to spell Turkey "Türkiye" - but that doesn't mean you should(Image: Getty Images)
Since they qualified for the World Cup last week, that spelling's been splattered across broadcasts and timelines like a smarmy, virtue-signalling oil spill.
You can practically smell the smugness through the screen as people double-check where the umlaut goes – dripping with more unearned self-satisfaction than Jude Bellingham after scoring a tap-in against Real Oviedo.
It's Turkey, you pretentious berks. The same goes for World Cup debutants Cape Verde, who have suddenly been rebranded as "Cabo" Verde. And don't get me started on Kiev becoming "Kyiv" – a grand, symbolic middle finger to the Kremlin that, like Arsenal when the chips are down, achieves absolutely nothing.
Sky Sports discounted Premier League and EFL package
This article contains affiliate links, we will receive a commission on any sales we generate from it. Learn more
Content Image
£43
£35
Sky
Get the deal here
Sky has slashed the price of its Essential TV and Sky Sports bundle ahead of the 2025/26 season, saving members £192 and offering more than 1,400 live matches across the Premier League, EFL and more.
Sky will show at least 215 live Premier League games next season, an increase of up to 100 more.
Let's be clear: this isn't cultural respect. It's pointless, performative nonsense. If we're playing that game, why stop there? Why isn't Spain "España"? Or Ireland "Éire"? I'll tell you why – because you have to be an insufferable pillock of Joey Bartonian proportions to do that.
It's the ultimate empty gesture – like Trent Alexander-Arnold sticking a tentative foot out when an opponent dribbles past him. Yes, language evolves – but this is evolution in the same way a man-bun, or Arsenal's new corner fetish, is evolution: it's unnecessary, mildly embarrassing and mostly adopted by people desperate to look like they aren't completely void of substance.
Article continues below
The French call us "Angletere" and the Scots call us "c****". We don't whinge and moan about that, and I'm sure the Turks care as much about a missing umlaut as Ange Postecoglou does about a missing Plan B. So pack it in, you dweebs.