### **Jaire Alexander Reveals How Rough Performance in Ravens Debut Affected His Mental Health**
Former Ravens cornerback Jaire Alexander opened up about the mental health struggles that led to his decision to walk away from football in a revealing first-person article in [The Players’ Tribune](https://www.theplayerstribune.com/jaire-alexander-nfl-football-mental-health).
There was a lot of excitement when the Ravens signed the two-time Pro Bowler last offseason, but he was still recovering from a PCL injury and surgery the previous year, causing him to miss about a month of training camp.
Alexander said he was determined to be ready to play in the season opener against the Buffalo Bills on "Sunday Night Football."
"I even went down to Atlanta three weeks before kickoff to get a stem-cell procedure to try and speed up my recovery," Alexander wrote. "But then I couldn't walk on my own for the next three days, and I'm looking at that calendar, and … time is just flying by. I'm pushing myself hard to be ready to go, but I'm still having knee pain. Then, that week of practice before the game, honestly … it was clear I wasn't ready to be out on the field yet. I was trying to will my way through, and hype myself up. Just constantly telling myself: _You're the best corner in the league! You're good! You'll do fine_. And then … I didn't."
The entire defense had a rough night, as the Bills overcame a late 15-point deficit to win, 41-40, but Alexander's uncharacteristically subpar performance stood out.
"I was bad out there," he wrote. "It hurts to admit that. It's hard to say. But it's the truth. Physically, I just wasn't where I needed to be on that Sunday night against Buffalo. And that affected my mental. … There's no other way to say it: I went out there and played the worst game I've ever played in my entire life. I embarrassed myself."
Alexander said what hurt the most was commentator and former All-Pro safety Rodney Harrison sharply criticizing him afterward.
"He'd definitely been one of my idols as a young player. Someone I looked up to," Alexander wrote. "And look, I get that I played horrible, obviously. But for him to basically rip me to shreds on TV after the game. … That just really hurt, you know what I mean? He wasn't wrong about how I played. He was _right_! But like, just hearing him talk about me like that, like I was basically the worst player in the league … it truly messed me up. It had me completely down about _everything_. That night, no joke, I went home and cried my eyes out.
"Then, that next morning … I remember I was so embarrassed to walk into the Ravens facility. That was the most embarrassed I've ever felt in the game of football. Actually, you know what … it's probably the most embarrassed I've ever been just in life overall."
Alexander only appeared in one other game for the Ravens and was a healthy scratch for three consecutive games before being traded to the Philadelphia Eagles in November. Ten days later, Alexander announced that he was stepping away from football at age 28 to focus on his physical and mental health.
"I'm not gonna lie, I actually do sometimes miss being on the field and competing," Alexander wrote. "I miss making those big plays I used to make. And the crowd screaming my name. Doing my sword celebration for the fans. All that stuff is a lot of fun. But I'm proud of myself for recognizing that something wasn't right with me, and then doing something about it before it got any worse.
"People still sometimes ask me if I'm ever gonna come back and play. And, you know what … I'll never say never — I still work out, and the knee's fine now, so I'm in good shape. But for me, right now, the most important thing really is just to be in a good place overall. To be happy."