As the football internet’s preeminent snowflake, leftie libtards, working out of a post-industrial northern city, it is reasonable to assume that Andy Burnham is rather more up our rainbow flag-lined cobbled street than previous prime ministers.
And given our often-crippling fondness for both football and booze, we really want to be on board with Burnham’s drive to lift the alcohol ban inside stadiums.
> “I don’t think it’s fair for football fans to be singled out in that way and I made that point. I think that legislation dates to an era where football was very different. And I do believe there is a case to remove that discrimination.
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> “There are different ways it could be done, perhaps on a trial basis. But I’m not going to back away from what’s been a long-held view of mine. I don’t see how it can be fair that some supporters of one sport can be treated differently.”
But the prospect prompts more trepidation than enthusiasm.
Of course, we all want to be able to enjoy a pint while watching the match. Go to a game abroad, or virtually any other sporting event in the UK, and there’s no issue whatsoever with taking it all in with a beer.
The novelty of that experience is frankly weird. It really shouldn’t be. But, wilfully or not, Burnham is somewhat ignoring the reality.
The PM is right that the ‘legislation dates to an era where football was very different’. To be precise: 1985, when Thatcher introduced the Sporting Events (Control of Alcohol etc) Act to prohibit drinking in sight of a pitch in England and Wales.
Mercifully, we have moved on from those darkest days, when hooliganism blighted the game and led to English teams being banned from Europe.
But we haven’t come _so_ far to reasonably suggest that football fans are being discriminated against just because they can’t have a pint by the pitch while spectators at so many other sports can.
Football should be treated differently because it _is_ different. It just is.
Rugby, cricket and other sports are nowhere near as partisan and tribal as football, which also goes a long way to explaining why it’s better.
But those characteristics also require a different approach to managing football crowds, which are generally much larger. The majority do not need management but go to almost any game that attracts a decent attendance, even in today’s sanitised stadiums, and you will be greeted by a minority that cannot be trusted.
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That’s certainly the view of the UK Football Policing Unit: “The UKFPU would welcome a meeting with the prime minister to discuss his views and explain the challenges these proposed changes would bring to policing and the safety of staff and fans at football games.
“Other sports simply don’t see the violence and criminal behaviour from their supporters that football does, albeit a minority, with alcohol often playing a significant part in violent and disorderly behaviour. It would be irresponsible to fuel this by allowing greater alcohol consumption during games.”
It is hardly as though the law as it stands is stopping those who want a drink from having one. Or 12. Especially on away days, there are many hours either side of the 90 minutes – and 15 minutes in the middle – for refreshment. Thirst is never the problem; pacing is the challenge.
You can still get a drink inside grounds, if not within view of the action, and mercifully the quality of that offering is improving at a lot of stadiums. The current legislation is really not so prohibitive.
Trial these changes, by all means; few things would make us happier than being proved wrong. And perhaps we all need to be patient while the performative w\*nkers among us satisfy their pint-throwing urges. That won’t last, will it?
But the prospect of just once being showered in Madri on a grim Tuesday night in January while VAR disallows another goal for a cat’s c\*ck hair offside call is almost enough to dismiss the idea outright.
One thing is for certain: Lifting the alcohol ban won’t work if Burnham or anybody else pretends that football is not different. It absolutely is – for better and for much worse.