The Celebrity Traitors returns to UK screens on Thursday, begging the question as to which football figures would entertain going cloak and dagger in the Scottish Highlands
Erling Haaland of Manchester City and Declan Rice of Arsenal during the Premier League match between Manchester City and Arsenal FC at Etihad Stadium
Premier League rivals Erling Haaland and Declan Rice would be iconic as members of The Traitors cast(Image: Danehouse Photography Ltd/Getty Images)
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Fans of The Traitors will be elated to see the series return for its second celebrity edition on Thursday night. And despite the excitement buzzing over this year's cast, football fans far and wide might wonder whether we couldn't do just slightly better.
The Beautiful Game is no stranger to its own bit of cloak and dagger. And it's not unreasonable to think there are more than a few footballing figures who might excel sleuthing their way around the turret - as well as those who really wouldn't.
After all, half the fun stems from seeing those unaccustomed to lying flounder under pressure. Mirror Football has compiled a cast of football stars who would make for one stellar season of The Traitors, for one reason or another.
Erling Haaland
Don't let those boyish features fool you; beneath Erling Haaland's facade lies the instincts of a killer. Strictly in a goal-finishing sense, of course, as his three Premier League Golden Boots will attest.
In addition to being one of the best strikers of his generation, the Manchester City marvel just seems like an all-round good time. No stranger to keeping a cool head in tense moments, one could see Haaland succeed as either a traitor or a faithful.
Declan Rice
If ever you needed someone to keep morale in the camp high after accidentally banishing a string of faithfuls, Declan Rice is your man. The Arsenal and England talisman is rarely seen without a smile on his face when he's not playing and would be a source of frivolity in the castle.
Fibbing doesn't seem like Rice's forte, meaning it may be a death sentence if he were named among the traitors. Not to mention an inexhaustible engine would undoubtedly come in handy raising funds when it comes to missions.
Jimmy Bullard
Jimmy Bullard on I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!
Jimmy Bullard's second stint on I'm A Celebrity! ended in controversial circumstances(Image: Jonathan Hordle/ITV/Shutterstock)
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You've seen him on I'm A Celeb (twice), Tipping Point and he's even had a stint on Celebrity Big Brother as a panellist. Jimmy Bullard only needs a trip to the Scottish Highlands to complete the UK competition show hat-trick.
Seeing the former Wigan and Fulham joker capitulate while attempting to lie his way out of a trator's corner would make for iconic TV. Then again, if Alan Carr can get away with the grand prize under inquisition, then nothing's impossible.
David Luiz
If David Luiz was even half as entertaining in the castle as he was during his Chelsea career, the BBC would be onto a winner. The ex-Brazil centre-back earned the nickname Sideshow Bob for a reason and there's no better show in Britain to show his split personality at its best.
Currently playing for Cypriot side Pafos, we envision Luiz working best as a late recruit to the traitors' team. His signature grin would be priceless having proved himself as a faithful, only to turn on his former comrades at the last minute and snatch the prize fund for himself (or at least a charity of his choosing).
Thomas Muller
Another international joker of generational standards, Thomas Muller routinely provided the levity in an iconic Bayern Munich side that was otherwise all business. In those tense clashes where emotions can sometimes run high on The Traitors, the German would be on hand to remind his fellow competitors it was all just a game.
And then he'd steal in to reveal he was the grand deceiver all along. Muller would make for a classic misdirect, perceived as too nice to be able to lie his way to victory but cerebral enough to fool the rest of the cast.
Jermain Defoe
One of the Premier League's greatest strikers of all time but also your everyday man, Jermain Defoe would relate to the average viewer excellently. Not to mention one can see the ex-England poacher being a dab hand come task time.
Full of great anecdotes, Defoe would also provide excellent value in those moments where the cast are simply milling around the castle. And there's one potential colleague in particular who'd make for a fabulous foil to the Tottenham legend.
Peter Crouch
Peter Crouch attends day 3 'St Patrick's Thursday' of the Cheltenham Festival at Cheltenham Racecourse on March 13, 2025 in London, England.
Peter Crouch has turned from fan favourite footballer into a wonderful broadcasting personality(Image: Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)
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There would be no disguising Peter Crouch's chemistry with Defoe given their prolific partnerships over the years. While some members attempt to hide their connections with other participants to try and keep the scent off, everyone would know straight away just what links the former Spurs and Portsmouth duo entering the castle.
Just imagine awaiting the reveal of The Secret Traitor, only to see a cloaked, 6'7" figure lookimg down the hallways of the manor. The BBC might even have to open a skylight in the turret just to ensure Crouchy can take part in discussions.
James Milner
As far as outside impressions go, there doesn't appear to be an insincere bone in James Milner's body. All the more reason to thrust him into an environment where lying is obligatory, depending on which side of the aisle he's allocated.
The Premier League's appearance record-holder is twiddling his fingers his fingers after hanging up his boots this year. And what better way to keep himself busy and disprove the 'Boring Milner' moniker than by showing it to the nation first-hand?
The major issue with any night-time Traitor meet-ups is the ex-Liverpool and Manchester City midfielder would likely be up for his morning jog around the grounds already.
Sol Campbell
The original Premier League traitor. Just imagine Sol Campbell coming into the castle given his history, being assigned as a faithful and then spending the rest of the season attempting to convince his fellow team he really was one of them.
Having infamously swapped sides of the north London derby at his peak, Campbell would arrive with a reputation. But history aside, he's also a wonderfully whimsical character who would no doubt leave the rest of the cast bemused one more than one occasion.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Zlatan Ibrahimovic is almost a cheat answer to the question of which footballers would entertain on The Traitors. That being due to the fact there isn't an environment we can think of where the Swede wouldn't add supreme value.
A hearty breakfast of salmon and eggs over discussion about whom he thinks the only traitors are. The only risk would be he'd be so confident in his own abilities that he'd reveal his identity as a traitor, believing he could still win the show regardless.
We wouldn't put it past him, either.
Mark Goldbridge
Mark Goldbridge speaking in a YouTube video
Watching Mark Goldbridge lose his rag with Zlatan Ibrahimovic for not securing him a shield would be a sight to behold(Image: YouTube/The United Stand)
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The token entry of an influencer personality would provide no small amount of comedic value among the assortment of verified stars. And seeing YouTuber Mark Goldbridge interact among some of the biggest names in the sport would be well worth the watch.
Claudia Winkelman might struggle to keep her act together amid Goldbridge's complaints that he doesn't like to get wet, never mind wade in a fountain of faux blood. In the end, he'd probably still find some way to blame his exit on Manchester United's poor recruitment.
Michael Owen
It's Episode 12 of The Football Traitors. The four finalists stand huddled around a bonfire as they determine who among them is lying - and Michael Owen still doesn't know whether he's a faithful or a traitor.
The former Liverpool, Real Madrid and Man United striker might succeed in accidentally bamboozling his rivals at all the right moments. And as a bonus, he could pilot the helicopter that ferries his fellow contenders into the loch in the final.
Ian Holloway
The man who once said he hoped Cristiano Ronaldo was "hung like a hamster" would need no introduction among British fans. Swindon Town manager Ian Holloway could even make for a great guest host in Winkelman's place, rocking up to breakfast with a new iconic quote each morning.
He may be less useful when it comes to the more physically demanding tasks that tend to pop up on the show. However, there'd be no man better suited to sniffing out deception among the ranks as he looked to lead a new crop of merry men to the top prize.
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