Liverpool celebrate the spoils of their raid.Photograph: Nigel Keene/ProSports/REX/Shutterstock
IT’S A STEAL
Not since Danny Ocean assembled a crack outfit of specialist rogues to rob three Vegas casinos in one evening has an 11-strong gang attempted a heist more audacious than that successfully pulled off by the footballers of Liverpool at Parc des Princes on Wednesday night. Not just beaten, but soundly hammered in every available metric apart from the only one that matters, Arne Slot’s hapless side were outrun, outfought, outpassed and quite obviously outclassed by a Paris Saint-Germain side that didn’t so much huff and puff in their attempts to blow their visitors’ house down, as harness the power of 10,000 hurricanes only to meet a lanky wall of heroically stubborn, luminous yellow resistance in the form of Liverpool goalkeeper Alisson. In recording nine saves, at least three of them absolute worldies, the Brazilian denied Ousmane Dembélé, Khvicha Kvaratskhelia (twice) and Désiré Doué, among others, before deciding to Get It Launched and set up the only goal of a wild game in which Harvey Elliott scored with Liverpool’s solitary shot on target.
“It was probably the performance of my life,” cheered Alisson, who was also complicit in another Bigger Cup robbery by brazenly stealing the thunder of his goalkeeping colleague, Wojciech Szczesny, who had been performing simultaneous heroics during Barcelona’s win over Benfica in Portugal. “The manager was telling us how hard it would be to play against PSG, how good they are with the ball and that we would have to be ready to suffer. We knew what was coming.” And suffer they did, as this new no-nonsense PSG side, finally rid of its pouting galacticos with their planet-sized egos, set about mesmerising the players representing the runaway leaders of The Best League In The World ™ with their fiendishly clever, high-speed pass-and-move wizardry.
Churning helplessly like laundry in a high-speed washing cycle, almost to a man Slot’s players were powerless to provide resistance in the face of an onslaught the like of which they have never before experienced under their Dutch manager, who admitted: “We are the lucky one tonight, that’s clear [to see] for everyone.” So lucky that even Ibrahim Konaté somehow stayed on the pitch when a first-half red card looked inevitable, while a splendid Kvaratskhelia strike was ruled out because half of one of his boots had strayed offside.
Like the remake referenced in this opening sentence, the Parisian white-knuckle ride is due an inevitable sequel and it’s to be hoped that, when the cast reassembles for next week’s return leg, the outcome won’t be as much of a letdown as the risible cinematic atrocity that was Ocean’s Twelve. Having been subjected to floodlit robbery on their own turf, PSG will travel to Anfield with revenge on their mind. But while they trail by only the most slender of margins, it will be be hard for them to ignore the notion that they are unlikely to play that well again, while it seems inconceivable that Liverpool’s 10 outfield players will be anywhere near as bad. “We don’t have anything to lose,” roared Luis Enrique upon being asked about his chances of turning this tie around. “Of course, we are going to do it.” In the meantime, Liverpool must host a Southampton side who are probably unlikely to set about them with quite as much gusto as their PSG counterparts.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Scott Murray from 5.45pm GMT for hot Bigger Vase minute-by-minute updates from Real Sociedad 2-1 Manchester United, while Yara El-Shaboury will be on deck at the same time with her clockwatch taking in all things Tottenham Hotspur or Spurs, Rangers and much more.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“The World Cup on home turf would be another monumental moment in our sporting history, driving growth and leaving a lasting legacy. The FA’s intention to bid has my government’s full support” – noted footer enthusiast and prime minister Keir Starmer backs the joint bid for England, Northern Ireland, Scotland and Wales to host the Women’s World Cup in 2035.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
Can I be the first of what I hope is at least 1,057 to show some appreciation for Ally McCoist on Wednesday night’s PSG v Liverpool commentary? In an age where it’s trendy to be cynical and critical, the man’s unbridled joy and infectious enthusiasm at what he was getting the privilege to witness, reminding us all of the reasons we fell in love with the game as children, is definite cause for celebration. It should be mandated that he’s on co-comms for all major games on all channels henceforth” – Gordon MacLeod (and no others).
Will Coldplay’s half-time show plans at the 2026 World Cup final (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) be funded by the Premier League’s ‘parachutes’ payments? Or is Gianni Infantino aiming to save money by giving Bristol Rovers’ veteran striker Chris Martin an unexpected late career boost?” – Alan Giles.
Given how long they sometimes take, Coldplay might be better off providing entertainment during VAR checks. ‘I was lost, I was lost, crossed lines I shouldn’t have crossed’ would really help sell the disappointment of a tight offside call. And if it goes on long enough the ‘how loooong must you wait for it?’ chorus is ready to go” – Guy Stephenson.
Fifa overlord Gianni Infantino taking a key part in the STOP FOOTBALL campaign … who knew?” — JJ Zucal.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Guy Stephenson, who gets some Football Weekly merch. We’ll be in touch. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Extra, extra, listen all about it with the Football Weekly pod.
THE MESSAGE
Is there ever truly an ‘easy’ side of a draw? Well, perhaps not easy but certainly easier. It was famously the case at the World Cup 2018, Gareth Southgate definitely not trying to lose to Belgium and all that, and also in the current Bigger Cup bracket. So while Arsenal will have to overcome one of the Madrid sides and then (probably) PSG or Liverpool to reach the final, Bayern Munich may well fancy their chances more against (probably) Inter and (maybe) Barcelona to get there. The dangling carrot for Vincent Kompany’s side is a final being played in their stadium. No wonder Harry Kane was in such a bullish mood after scoring twice to brush aside Bayer Leverkusen 3-0. “We’re here to send a message not just to everyone but to ourselves,” tooted Kane after the game. “If we don’t carry it on, then it doesn’t mean anything.” They’ll have to do it without keeper Manuel Neuer – at least in the short term – after he got knacked while celebrating their second goal. “Manu wanted to run … then his calf went,” sighed Joshua Kimmich. “He’d already said he was getting old.”
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
A Rangers fan has died in a traffic accident before the team’s European game against Fenerbahce. “We are devastated to have learned of the passing of one of our supporters in a road traffic accident overnight in Istanbul,” said the club.
Lyon head coach Paulo Fonseca must spend nine months on the Ligue 1 naughty step after his recent confrontation with ref Benoît Millot.
Fifa is putting a Women’s Club World Cup on the back-burner for now, but plans to launch a new Women’s Champions Cup next year.
In priorities news, meanwhile, Fifa will stump up $1bn in prize money as part of the expanded men’s Club World Cup this summer. It will be, according to Gianni Infantino, “a vivid demonstration of solidarity that will benefit clubs at large to a scale that no other competition has ever done”. Aye.
Chelsea remain unbeaten in the WSL, extending their lead at the top to eight points after a 3-1 victory over Leicester.
Finance fans, you’ll be interested to learn that Everton have agreed a long-term package on the £350m outstanding debt regarding their new stadium at Bramley-Moore Dock.
And a squad featuring policemen, builders and transport workers is preparing to take on the best of Oceania’s qualifying zone in a bid to reach the World Cup finals. “I mean, they’re professionals and we’re a team full of amateurs, if we’re honest,” declared Fiji’s manager Rob Sherman of their upcoming clash against New Zealand. “We’ll be parking the bus to a degree. But equally so, hoping to capitalise when we do have the ball.”
STILL WANT MORE?
“This was goalkeeping as an act of performance, goalkeeping as counter-aggression.” Alisson seized his moment in Liverpool’s win over Paris Saint-Germain and Barney Ronay was there to appreciate it.
John Brewin gets reviewing the latest action in Bigger Cup.
Real Sociedad’s Alex Remiro gets his lengthy chat on with Sid Lowe.
The troubling trend of homophobic chants by Mexican fans is a serious problem, writes Jon Arnold.
And ending relegation in the Women’s Super League means less jeopardy and could deter fans, warns Kelly Simmons.
MEMORY LANE
Rangers’ only European triumph to date came in 1972 as the Glasgow side narrowly beat Dynamo Moscow 3-2 in the Cup Winners’ Cup final at Camp Nou. An opener from Colin Stein and two goals from Willie Johnston capped a memorable campaign for Rangers, who beat Rennes in the first round before a controversial second-round tie. Rangers had edged Sporting 3-2 at Ibrox but lost by the same score in Portugal. Each team scored another goal in extra time. Rangers should have progressed: away goals then counted double in the event of a tie, a rule that was bizarrely ignored by Dutch referee Laurens van Ravens, who ordered a penalty shootout – which Rangers lost. The Scots’ manager, Willie Waddell, protested; Uefa officials backed down and awarded the tie to Rangers. Further wins over Torino and a Bayern side that included Franz Beckenbauer and Gerd Müller paved the way to Barcelona. Despite a late fightback from Dynamo in the final, Rangers held on for the win, with fans invading the pitch at full-time in celebration, only to be met by baton-wielding police. Views about the religious persuasions of Spanish policemen were the main topic of conversation among bloodied Rangers supporters on the flight home, according to Robin McKie, Big Website’s science and environment editor who was there that day (and who wrote this excellent piece on the experience). Rangers were given a two-year European ban – later reduced to one year – which meant they were not permitted to defend the trophy they had won.
WE NEED TO GO TO PARTIES WITH CALVIN