Breaking up with someone is not fun.
It can be especially hard when you realize it’s not that the other person isn’t wonderful and that you didn’t have some great times together, but that they just aren’t the one. Or at least that’s how it seemed for all the girls who dumped me in middle school.
So take it from me, Sam, the Vikings actually mean it when they say, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Sometimes, the timing just doesn’t work out. Sometimes, they’re just not the right person for the chapter of life you’re in. Does that mean you won’t always cherish the 14 wins worth of memories you had together? Of course not! Sam, you helped us grow and discover new things about ourselves in ways we never would have without you. We’ll be forever thankful.
Other times, you just want different things out of the relationship. Sam, you deserve someone who loves you enough to give you a long-term deal! Someone who sees your potential to be the franchise quarterback that they build their entire organization around!
Maybe we could’ve been that for you in another life, but we’re just not in that place right now. We’re not ready to make a big financial commitment to a starting quarterback, not when we’ve got so many other things we promised ourselves we’d do first, like rebuild this secondary and bolster the interior offensive line.
And if you’re honest with yourself, you knew this about us from the start.
It just wouldn’t be right by either of us to string this out when it’s clearly run its course. You know it, and we know it. That spark we had? Those fireworks that boomed when you swept us off our feet with that 97-yard touchdown against San Fran, or when you went six-for-six in OT to beat the Chicago Bears? It was magical.
It was so good that there were times when it even felt like maybe you were the one. Maybe you were the one who would finally give us that ring on our finger we’ve been so desperate for our whole life. We’re jaded, we’ve got decades of pain and baggage, but even we started to believe. We started to dare to dream and actually see ourselves with you. You gave us hope again, Sam.
But by those last two games of the season, it all felt long gone.
We know it’s not all your fault. We certainly made our mistakes along the way. It was hubris to expect us to block playoff-caliber defensive fronts on long-developing passing plays without Christian Darrisaw. We know we should have run more quick game and not put so much pressure on your shoulders. It’s not your fault the secondary fell apart or that the defensive front got run over.
But that’s just it, Sam. We can’t be the best version of ourselves in this relationship. You deserve better, but we can’t be better saddled with a $35 to $40 million cap hit. We simply have too many needs at too many crucial positions. We’re just not ready for this level of financial commitment in our lives right now.
And we might as well address the elephant in the room, Sam. There’s someone else.
We made a commitment to J.J. McCarthy when we made him the highest-drafted quarterback in franchise history. And this thing between us, this fling or affair we had, was so good we may have even been tempted. We found ourselves fantasizing about running off into the sunset with you rather than going back to J.J. like we always promised. But just as things are getting serious, we can’t let ourselves get cold feet on this thing we’ve wanted for so long: a competitive roster built around a rookie quarterback contract.
It’s a huge risk. You might move on and always be our one that got away. We might grow old and alone one day agonizing over the fact we let you slip through our fingers without so much as a far-fetched tag-and-trade to ease our pain. But love is always a risk.
It’s time to go our separate ways. We’ll do our best to bolster your market value by leaking rumors that we’re still negotiating to the very end, but, ultimately, we both know how that’ll go. Go be great. Go find a franchise that can make you feel as special as we know you are! It’ll be hard, but eventually, I hope we can remain friends. Maybe we can even do a post-game jersey swap sometime?
And don’t worry, we’ll break the news to Kevin. He’ll take this especially hard, but he’ll understand it’s all for the best once the emotions calm down.
“Goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. You have been the one, you have been the one for me…”
Kevin O'Connell on Monday when Sam Darnold signs with Oakland: pic.twitter.com/E7okomX3Xz
— Nelson Thielen (@NelsonThielen) March 5, 2025