While getting a couple more digs in at the Premier League, Johnny Nic ignored the Barclays to enjoy Real Madrid, Serie B and the Scottish third tier.
This week we’re watching everything non-English to see what broadcasts specifically in the rest of the UK and Europe are like, excluding Australia for a dedicated piece. It’s Champions League week, so we’ll be assiduously ignoring every English club.
Will there be the shouting of full names as they hit the ball? Will co-comms splutter like they’re speaking while swimming in custard and do adverts for human rights-denying airways? Will every other footballer have their hair shaved above the ear making it look like they’ve a merkin on their head (they do)? Looking at the schedule, there’s a hell of a lot of games, so strap in.
We start on **YouTube** with Fortuna Dusseldorf v Greuther Furth in the Bundesliga 2. The home side is fifth and pushing for promotion, four points off the top. Jonathan Beck, who does varied European work, is a reporter and producer and does comms solo. Vibrant crowd. I really appreciate this free YouTube football and how it’s evolved into the equal of a ‘proper’ channel. Professional, straightforward commentary without puffery. I wonder if it’s easier to do it without a co-comm? It does sound sonically ‘off tube’ but it’s really enjoyable – as second-tier German football often is.
It finishes 1-2. I watch it on TV and **DFB Play** on my laptop which is showing Viktoria Koln v 1. V FC Saarbrucken in the third tier. In contrast, it’s not very good, admittedly not as bad as West Ham v Leicester last Thursday, obviously, and it ends 1-2. Didn’t catch the name of the commentator who tries hard but is a bit anonymous.
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Plenty of European football this evening. **Sky** have Bayern away at VfB Stuttgart with the knowledgeable Kevin Hatchard and former Swansea keeper, the German Gerry Tremmel, whose accented English sounds like every situation comedy in the 1970s. He contributes a lot and it’s a great game, handled enthusiastically. Bayern win 1-3.
**Prime** have started showing French football charging an extra £2.49. Stupid decision, by someone who doesn’t understand the environment they’re operating in. Almost no-one will pay to see Monaco v Reims except in Monaco and Reims, especially when so much free football is on. It’s greed that will backfire.
Speaking of free football, Partick Thistle v Livingston gets my attention and not just because of Leanne’s big coat and Michael Stewart, who does look like he’d be a lot of fun on a drink-up, but because the Alasdair Lamont and Faddy combo is usually a good one. Lamonts were slaughtered by Campbells here in Dunoon a few hundred years ago, y’know. They do their best in a messy, sometimes dull draw that ends 1-1.
I missed the Welsh Cup final between Aberystwyth Town v The New Saints online and I think Bangor v Glentoran in the Irish Cup Quarter-Final was also somewhere on the iPlayer, but I can’t find it.
FC Koln U19 v Schalke 04 U19 Bundesliga was on **DFB Play** at 10am on Saturday morning if you were interested in seeing the next stars. It looks rather good but I’m busy so can’t listen or pay full attention. Wehen Wiesbaden v Erzgebirge in 3. Liga is your lunchtime escape from the FA Cup but is rather clumsy with unadventurous passing, constipated play and no cutting edge. Dynamo Dresden v SC Verl in 3. Liga also on DFB Play with Ben Harris; it offers mid-afternoon entertainment, along with Sassuolo v Pisa in Serie B on the **Destination Calcio** website, which is well worth keeping abreast of for live Italian football for free.
The thing about these online matches is they are a very pure football experience without razzamatazz. I don’t know any players. In that sense it’s like watching a park game. If you want a big show, it’s not for you, but if you see football as a humble sport which inculcates and binds all society, it is. It’s just the football and increasingly that’s all I want. The commentators’ names will mean nothing to me or you but all do a crisp, undemonstrative, representative job. It’s usually really enjoyable and fans are not ‘go on then, entertain me’ reactive but engaged.
Second v third in the Bundesliga, Eintracht Frankfurt v Bayer Leverkusen with Rob Turner and Patrick Owomoyela is on **Sky** and Leverkusen are in sparkling form. Nathan Tella, ex-Southampton and Burnley, scored. I bet he’s glad he left England.
Top-of-the-table clash next in Napoli v Inter with Matt Smith and Nigel Spackman, who have a nice, relaxed style that is an absolute pleasure, in front of a raucous, febrile crowd on **TNT** with Inter taking an early lead then defending like beavers but conceding late on to a relentless Napoli. Thrilling TV. Proper big games, unmissable and the comms reflect that excitement throughout. No waffle or padding needed. Totally not the typical Barclays on any level which is made to look vaguely ridiculous in proclaiming itself the best against the facts, in a Trumpian sort of way.
Hibs v Hearts got off to a good start on Sunday with two early goals and a howling Ian Crocker. A great second Hibs goal had Ian losing his tonsils. I do enjoy him because nothing seems fake or overly performative about him. At times he sounds genuinely emotional. Stuart Lovell and Ryan McGowan the co-comms have an equal contribution and work well. It finishes 2-1 to Hibs. A great broadcast that finishes with an emotional rendition of Sunshine On Leith from the crowd. It is easily the most stirring song at any ground.
**Destination Calcio** has Palermo v Brescia in Serie B. The Rosanero, part of the City Group, is sponsored by Old Wild West, whatever that is. It’s a bit scrappy. Quite like a mid-table Premier League game.
**Sky** had some Bundesliga action with Union Berlin v Holstein Kiel. Co-comm is Moritz Volz – there’s a name from the past. Dan O’Hagan commentates, a World Feed regular. Volz spots the home side resting, letting Kiel have the ball after a period of high pressing. He’s an informed voice. One thing you notice in Europe generally and Scotland too is how noisy the fans are. Tune back to a Premier League clash or in Sunday’s case a Premier League FA Cup game and the difference is marked. Big lulls descend into near silence. England has crossed its arms and isn’t impressed, it seems.
Sunday ends in Italy for AC Milan v Lazio from a vibrant San Siro, even without the Milanese Ultras who absented themselves from the Curva Sud for the first 15 minutes in a protest against the owners. It’s **TNT**‘s usual Sunday night game. One of the real treats of every week and highly recommended, even if you watch nothing else from Europe. Warm, friendly, welcoming, informative and the football is often entertainingly competitive and tight. Proper title race this year.
Adam Summerton and Tony Dorigo are the chatty comms team. No tedious studio nonsense. Fifteen minutes and we’re off. The greatest compliment I can pay it is to say it doesn’t sound like they’re doing a job. It’s just nicely informal and you don’t feel there’s anything fake or contrived about it. It’s an excellent match and end to end stuff. Lazio are superior, Milan have a man sent off. But a stretched game finishes in a thrilling basketball style 1-2 with a late VAR penalty for Lazio. Interesting to see Kyle Walker at Milan. He looks as unimpressive as in his early seasons at Spurs now. It’s a superb game and broadcast. Don’t miss the Sunday night game, it’s usually the most fun thing you will see all week.
Interestingly **TNT** didn’t have any pre-game for the Champions League Madrid derby but got Karen Carney and Joe Cole in the studio for Dortmund v Lille. I’d have expected that to be the other way round, surely Madrid is the tie of the round.
Unusually **BBC Scotland** had Airdrie v Falkirk also on Tuesday as a nice alternative to the Champions League or the huge raft of Sky’s EFL games, and **BBC Alba** had Dumbarton v Arbroath in the third tier, which was suitably bleak from a pudding of a pitch beside the Clyde. It was a strange mix with commentator Alex O’Henley doing it in a frantic-sounding Gaelic but speaking English to co-comm, the former keeper, Cammy Bell who also is speaking English. It’s like being on holiday in Spain watching a game in Spanish and finding John Aldridge is the co-comm, but I return to Madrid which begins with a beautiful, sensitive tribute to former player Javier Dorado who has recently died of cancer aged just 46. Carlo Ancelotti actually looks like an undertaker. It doesn’t seem that long since I saw him playing for Milan, beating Steaua Bucharest 4-0 to win the European Cup, but it was 36 years ago now. Christ.
Real scored within four minutes with Adam Summerton on genuine throat-ripping form and Steve McManaman alongside, who is a bit too say-what-you-see too often for me. Unlike most teams, even when behind, you rarely think Atletico are totally out of it. They’re so good at digging in but at times Real play the best football I’ve seen all season. There’s no-one to touch them. Great game. Top skill, entertainingly deployed. Lots of fun.
One thing I notice about Adam’s work is he doesn’t sell himself cheaply by overreacting to average play the way some do, to make out the game is better than it is, usually in the Premier League which sometimes suffers from those Trumpian levels of delusion and self-reverence born out of being inadequate and lying to itself. When Atletico draw level with a great strike Adam explodes right on cue. I think it’s just instinctive to always leave himself somewhere to go, rather than shooting his wad at a minor bit of skill. After it’s over, Rio utters words, but that’s all over thankfully quickly.
Over at Dortmund v Lille with Ian Darke and the omniscient Lucy Ward, Dortmund scored a great long-range strike. It feels like a sophisticated, intelligent game when I see it, if perhaps inferior to Real in the talent/fun ratio. It ends in a draw.
We do it all again the next day. They run an embarrassing trailer for the European games voiced over by Rio talking about “beautiful limbs”. I’ve not heard of the term ‘limbs’ for about 18 months or two years now, which I suppose counts as contemporary for the Qatar Airways advertiser.
Jacqui Oatley and Robbie Savage do the Feyenoord v Inter game. It’s a little low key with lowish energy. Benfica v Barcelona is an interesting match. **TNT** put Sam Matterface and Glenn Hoddle on it who aren’t a natural fit and there’s little enthusiasm evident. Adam and Lucy do the Bayern game. They, on the other hand, do a good job of looking forward to it. A classic Kane header opens the scoring after eight minutes and Bayern run out easy winners.
There was much anticipation for Rangers’ trip to Fenerbahce on Thursday. Rory Hamilton and a seemingly more Scottish than normal Coisty did it, with more lingering shots of attractive dark-haired women than is usual. Rangers take an early lead which makes Coisty burst into flames. Manager Barry Ferguson has the ‘I’ll chib ye’ dark-eyed stare of a man leaving an east end of Glasgow bar after a ruck, who only ever fights in a good suit. Coisty’s increased his references to commentator Rory to about one in three, he really has, Rory.
It’s a wildly open game and Rangers have zero control of the ball. It’s no surprise when Fenerbahce draw level. Rangers look like they are going to concede on every attack and Jack Butland looks like the brother of Paddy McGuinness. Even so, they take the lead with a good goal. Great game. Made a mockery of precise, over-analytical football. VAR ruined the flow of the game of course, spending ages ruling a little bit of Dessers’ elbow offside for one goal and half a toe for another. The very definition of no-advantage offsides. Pathetic. It needs continually saying that only fools continue to support such an obviously pathetic anti-football system. ‘Dear me,’ says Coisty, laughing rather bitterly at the rank stupidity of VAR.
I was waiting and waiting for Fenerbache to equalise but Rangers got a third and it finished 1-3. Should’ve been 1-5. Tremendous game and the end of a great week of European football not played by English clubs. Nice not to have to endure the usual ‘great advert for the Premier League’ hoopla and to be able to just enjoy the football without average fare being endlessly promoted as the ultimate in sport.
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