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How social media expectations are destroying teenage friendships

Social media adds a whole new layer of stress to teen friendships. (SpeedKingz/Shutterstock)

In a nutshell

Unmet expectations on social media are the primary cause of teen friendship conflicts: Disappointment from friends not responding or engaging as expected leads to stronger emotional reactions and arguments, more so than the pressure to be constantly available.

Visual content on social media amplifies feelings of exclusion and jealousy: Teens are more likely to feel left out or rejected when they see friends active online or spending time with others, triggering emotional stress and increasing conflict.

Setting healthy boundaries can reduce digital stress: Encouraging teens to manage their social media habits, such as scheduling “offline” times or not expecting immediate replies, can help alleviate the pressures and promote healthier friendships.

PADUA, Italy — Today’s teens face a challenge that their parents never did: the pressure to be constantly available to their friends online. New research from the University of Padua in Italy reveals how this digital pressure is creating stress that leads to real-world friendship conflicts for teenagers.

The study, published in Frontiers in Digital Health, tracked 1,185 teenagers over six months to understand how social media affects their friendships. What they found paints a concerning picture of modern teen relationships.

When Friends Don’t Text Back

“We show that adolescents’ perceptions of social media norms and perceptions of unique features of social media contribute to digital stress, which in turn increases friendship conflicts,” says lead study author Federica Angelini from the University of Padua, in a statement.

The researchers identified two main types of digital stress that teens experience. The first, entrapment, refers to the pressure teens feel to always be available and responsive to their friends online. The second, disappointment, arises when friends don’t respond as quickly or as often as expected, leading to negative feelings. Both types of stress play significant roles in the challenges teens face in their digital friendships.

When a friend seems to be ignoring you online, it can be a source of stress for teens. (Monkey Business Images/Shutterstock)

Surprisingly, it’s not the pressure to be available that causes most problems, it’s the disappointment when friends aren’t available to them.

“Disappointment from unmet expectations on social media—such as when friends do not respond or engage as expected—is a stronger predictor of friendship conflict than the pressure to be constantly available,” explains Angelini.

In other words, teens aren’t fighting because they feel burdened by needing to respond to every message, but because they feel upset when their friends don’t respond to them.

The Problem with Pictures and Videos

When examining different features of social media, the researchers found that the visual nature of content (photos, videos, stories) was most connected to creating disappointment and conflict.

“Visual content makes it easier for teens to see what their friends are doing at any given time. If teens notice that their friends are active online or spend time with others while ignoring their messages, they may feel excluded, jealous, or rejected,” Angelini explained.

We’ve all had that moment: seeing a friend post a fun story while they still haven’t answered the message you sent hours ago. For teens, these visual cues can trigger strong emotional responses that lead to real-world arguments.

Helping Teens Navigate Digital Friendships

Parents can provide teens with support and the tools to have a healthier relationship with social media. (Ground Picture/Shutterstock)

The good news is that parents and educators can help teens develop healthier social media habits. Teaching teens strategies to protect their mental health online is crucial as parents navigate the uncharted territory of raising a generation growing up with social media.

“One such habit for teenagers could be setting boundaries, for example scheduling ‘offline’ times or managing notifications. When done in discussion with friends this can also help reduce misunderstandings,” says Angelini.

The researchers also recommend helping teens understand that not every message needs an immediate response. Learning this can reduce stress while maintaining healthy friendships.

Boys and girls experience these pressures slightly differently. Boys who saw social media as highly available actually reported feeling less trapped by it compared to girls, possibly because there are different expectations around response times between different friend groups.

The study followed the same teens over six months, which allowed researchers to see how digital stress actually caused more conflicts over time, rather than just being connected to them.

Understanding these pressures is key to helping teens build healthy, sustainable friendships in the digital age. By recognizing the emotional impact of unmet digital expectations, parents and educators can guide teenagers toward more balanced social connections both online and offline.

Paper Summary

Methodology

Researchers surveyed 1,185 Italian adolescents (59.3% female, average age of 16) at two timepoints, six months apart. They used questionnaires to measure social media expectations, digital stress, and friendship conflict. Statistical analysis called Structural Equation Modeling allowed them to examine how early factors predicted later friendship problems while controlling for baseline conflict levels.

Results

The study found that disappointment, not entrapment, significantly predicted increased friendship conflict six months later. Among social media features (asynchronicity, availability, cue absence, and visualness), only visualness significantly contributed to disappointment. Friends’ perceived expectations about social media use had a stronger impact on digital stress than friends’ actual behavior. Gender differences were minimal, except boys experiencing less entrapment with high social media availability.

Limitations

The six-month study period limits conclusions about long-term effects. Relying on self-reported data may not accurately reflect actual social media use. The research only examined one side of the friendship dynamic, missing how teens might cause disappointment in their friends. Future research would benefit from objective measures of social media activity and a longer timeline.

Discussion and Takeaways

Digital stress represents a new challenge for teen friendships. Educational programs should help adolescents develop realistic expectations about social media availability and effective communication strategies. Parents should focus less on screen time limits and more on helping teens understand the social pressures and emotional aspects of online interactions, including setting healthy boundaries around response times.

Funding and Disclosures

The University of Padua’s Open Science Committee provided funding for this open-access publication. The researchers declared no conflicts of interest.

Publication Information

The paper, “Digital Stress and Friendship Conflict in Adolescence: The role of Perceived Norms and Features of Social Media,” was published in Frontiers in Digital Health on March 18, 2025. The authors are Federica Angelini and Gianluca Gini from the Department of Developmental Psychology and Socialization at the University of Padua, Italy.

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