The international break is in full swing and that means that sadly it is low tide in Content Bay.
**Me, myself and I**
Here’s the **Daily Express** headline on Jeremy Cross’ latest update from the England camp.
> ‘I was in Thomas Tuchel’s first England meeting – this is how he blew the players away’
Now you’d be forgiven for thinking that this is suggesting Jeremy Cross was in that meeting, wouldn’t you? That this was just another entry for the curious modern journalism trend that we’ve not yet quite sussed out for headlining any old news or feature in the style of a six-year-old writing about his summer holidays on the first day back at school.
But this is a variation on that theme, and an altogether iffier one. ‘I was there and I saw this’ is an odd little headline trend that presumably someone somewhere has worked out tickles Google’s google 0.3 per cent more effectively than other headline styles. It’s strange but ultimately harmless.
This is not that, because that quote – and it is presented as a quote – is not in fact about Jeremy Cross at all.
The person who was in the meeting was Dan Burn. Jeremy Cross knows this because Dan Burn spoke about it during a press conference. But – and you will have to indulge Mediawatch its foibles here but we do consider this important – one thing Dan Burn never said in that press conference were the words ‘I was in Thomas Tuchel’s first England meeting – this is how he blew the players away’.
Because that would be an insane thing to have said.
Burn himself, despite starring via the medium of fabricated quote in the headline, doesn’t actually get a mention until the fifth paragraph of a nine-paragraph story, in which the last four paragraphs are made up entirely of Dan Burn quotes that are not ‘I was in Thomas Tuchel’s first England meeting – this is how he blew the players away’.
And while we’re here…
> ‘I’m Roy Keane’s future son-in-law but I’m hoping to impress Thomas Tuchel this week’
This one gets bonus points because not only does the story beneath this headline not contain this very weird non-sequitur of a quote from Taylor Harwood-Bellis, it contains but a single bland old quote from him:
> Speaking about his connection with former Ireland midfielder Keane, the centre-back said: “It’s something that is good and I take a lot of advice.”
Then there’s this…
> ‘I was forced to join Chelsea and told I had no choice – my dad was happier than I was’
Which is at least halfway close to a paraphrasing of some of the things Shaun Wright-Phillips (for it is he) actually said, and we do laugh at the idea of Ian Wright being reduced to ‘my dad’ in this anecdote. But that’s three made-up quotes in three headlines from the same publication in the space of 24 hours. It’s weird, isn’t it? It’s not just us?
**Home alone**
There’s a genuine art to making headlines innocently – ahem – appear more interesting than they actually are without tipping over completely into the murkier world of outright falsehood.
Sometimes, the most obvious simple approach is all that’s needed. Like with this beauty from **The Sun**.
> Man Utd confirm where club will play matches during £2billion new stadium build as they release statement
Old Trafford. They will play their matches at Old Trafford.
**Promise keeper**
No great mystery as to why headlines that include the words ‘Liverpool’ and ‘Isak’ and ‘transfer’ might hold plenty of appeal at this time, but this one still feels like a bit of a reach from the **Mirror**.
> Liverpool sent ‘promise’ message over Alexander Isak transfer that shows where deal stands
Now there are plenty of ways to read that headline – which is part of the game, obviously – but what we’re focused on here is the idea that this ‘promise’ message ‘shows where deal stands’. For good or bad, that needs this promise to be from someone or somewhere significant.
To the intro we go, the click long since safely banked, you rascals.
> Liverpool have been warned off making a move for Newcastle United’s star striker Alexander Isak.
So it’s a bad promise for Liverpool. Ah well. Must be Newcastle saying they promise not to sell him, mustn’t it. That would show where the deal stands and no mistake.
> However, ex-Manchester United and Wrexham shot-stopper Ben Foster has poured cold water on any hopes of Liverpool luring Isak to Anfield.
Oh.
“They will not sell him. Even for £150m, and I can promise you that they still wouldn’t sell him,” Foster said on his Fozcast podcast. “He’s not going anywhere, because it would leave so much bad feeling at Newcastle. It would take the wind out the fans’ sails so much if he left.”
That’s that, then.
**READ: [Newcastle dopamine hit will only sustain Isak and Guimaraes for now…](https://www.football365.com/news/newcastle-dopamine-hit-isak-guimaraes-arsenal-opinion)**
**Five alive**
We have some sympathy for The Sun here. Lord knows it’s hard work wringing content out of an international break when the first England game is still two days away and is also against Albania.
But we have a question about this intro.
> THOMAS TUCHEL’S plan to win the World Cup has been revealed — and it is more about high fives than back fives.
And that question is simply this: is it, though?