Calvin Barrett is a writer, editor, and prolific Mario Kart racer located in Provo, Utah. Currently writing for Athlon Sports, SB Nation, and FanSided, he has covered theUtah Jazz and BYU athletics since 2024 and graduates from Utah Valley University in the Spring.
*Door creaking*
Come in! Come in, quickly! Enter this forsaken home before the spirits can exit!
Oooooh, I can feel it now. I can enter your very mind. and cast a bucket to the well of your subconsciousness. Do not worry, this will not hurt. You come seeking a path toward greatness, yes? Legacy? Glory? Each of these is well within reach, yes, but at a terrible price.
(No, I’m not referring to the base cost of your session. That is non-negotiable and non-refundable.)
Please, close your eyes to shut out the outside world. Shut out the painful facts of the corporeal world and emerge through the portal of things unseen.
What’s that? Jordan Clarkson heat-checks? Isaiah Collier three-pointers? The very concept of Keyonte George playing defense? Hush, child. Settle not your aura upon the heinous deeds of this world and instead rest your sentience on the realities of what can be.
Notice the chain of assorted dollar store candles fencing off our circle of trust from the dangers without — but keep your eyes closed, of course! Uh, notice them with... your third eye, yes of course. Your third eye — er — opens when your others are shut, so focus on the radiating head emerging from our blanket of safety.
(Singsong)
Heeere now graaaab my haaaands and form a circle of stabiiilityyyy...
Grab theeeem. Dude, could you grab my hands already?
Ahhhh, yes, I have dove into your mind and plucked the very essence of your desire. I can see it now. I’ve entered a room. Is this like a teenage boy’s room? It certainly smells like one. What are all these posters? There’s more paper than wall in here, what’s going on?
*Gasp*
Is this... Cooper Flagg? Freshman phenom? Leader of the 2024-25 Duke Blue Devils in every major statistical category? That Cooper Flagg? Tell me child: why do you yearn for this man? Ok, ok, ok, I believe that you want him for purely basketball reasons — sheesh, you can calm down about it already!
But what could this man offer to you? Hardwood glory? A glimmer of hope? Yes, worthy aspirations. But know you not that to acquire such a player would require the first overall pick of the 2025 NBA Draft? I’m certain I don’t need to remind you of the astronomical odds. Merely a 14% chance at the top selection? Surely you don’t believe this is the year Utah’s chances finally break for the good?
Ah, but perhaps to tilt the odds in your favor? Is this your reason for entering my humble place of business within this prestigious strip mall? A sacrifice? No, a seance!
Yes. That will do well for you. But I must forewarn you, this seance requires total and complete cooperation on your part. Though your hands are already well-saturated, you must maintain a firm grip on mine. Though the spirits may wail and the beasts of hell may attempt to consume you, you must trust me and not fear. Though the bill at the end of the session may be much higher than you originally agreed, you must not object.
The very future of the Utah Jazz may well rest upon our shoulders, child of the Earth... Unless, of course, a legitima—I mean more powerful medium calls out for another side.
Do I have your trust and cooperation? Then let us begin.
(The psychic’s eyes open to reveal pure inky blackness where corneas once rested. Though you pulled back in horror, you find your hands are bonded to hers through an invisible sealant. An ever-widening grin overtakes and morphs her face into something not of this world, and she begins her encantation with a booming voice.)
GRIFFITHTAYLORDEANEMALONE. STOCKTONWILKINSEATONBAILEY.
(Whipping your head around the room, you find the candles’ flames dance higher and higher, climbing to the ceiling as if abandoning their home on the wick.)
CURRYRUSSELLOSTERTAGVAUGHN. KIRILENKOWILLIAMSPAVLOVICHUMPHRIES.
(The flames climb higher now but seem to only grow further from the ceiling. The lid of this building is likewise building higher, the walls are taller than ever and the wallpaper has stretched to an unrecognizable pattern.)
MILESMILLSAPHAYWARDEVANS. KANTEREXUMHOODHARTALLEN.
(Forming a ring above you in the air, the fire circles and becomes one great, swirling shape. A halo? Perhaps, but a sign that the world has been set in motion and cannot well be halted now. The images on the walls have twisted to something uncanny — something demonic. A faint scream can be heard just outside the walls, yet frustratingly too distant to find now.)
AZUBUIKEALDAMAHENDRICKSGEORGE. SENSABAUGHWILLIAMSCOLLIERFILIPOWSKI.
FLAGG!
(As mysteriously as it had begun, the ritual had closed. The medium falls to the floor, too weak to stand. The room has returned to normal once more, and though breathing, your professional was no longer of use for the moment.
Now free to move, you rise from your seat. You place a $20 bill on the table as a courtesy before leaving the room without an invoice. Hopefully, that ritual will bear fruit. For now, we wait.)
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