Arsenal’s ‘dream’ end to the season still ends in disappointment, while Alexander Isak is sending clear messages and Antony is speaking through his messenger on earth.
Dream a little dream
The Mirror have a harmless enough pair of companion pieces on their football homepage today identifying the ‘dream’ and ‘nightmare’ possible ends to the season for both Liverpool and Arsenal.
Mediawatch had approached them with the intention of being at our glib and flippant worst about the obviousness of what those scenarios would involve (Liverpool: win league, keep best players OR lose league, lose best players) but fair play to the Mirror for they have nevertheless managed to surprise us.
Talk of Arsenal’s dream, best-case scenario, finish to the season begins with the path through Real Madrid, PSG (probably) and then maybe Barcelona or Bayern Munich to win a first Champions League title. Absolutely fine. At this point it feels like everyone has correctly grasped what a dream best-case scenario is and understood the assignment.
But then things take a turn, because even in dreamland the best end to the league campaign is apparently this:
Arsenal will hope to solidify second place and finish the campaign as strongly as possible.
They’re still only four points ahead of third-placed Nottingham Forest and they’ll be wary of taunts that they “finished third in a two-horse race” if they cannot hold onto their current position.
The best-case dream finish is ‘hopefully if we can maybe try and hold off Nottingham Forest to avoid a few bitter Spurs fans cheering themselves up about their own catastrof**k of a season by taking the p*ss a bit’? My man, we will need you to look up ‘best-case scenario’ and try again.
Message ends
Regular readers will know Mediawatch is a huge fan of the rise of the humble ‘as’ to its current status as undisputed king of the headline words given its unrivalled ability to pull together one two and a completely separate two and by sheer happenstance encourage readers to accidentally add those up and make five.
This one’s a beauty from Football.London.
Arsenal summer transfer is ‘already done’ as Alexander Isak sends clear message
Just so you don’t repeat Mediawatch’s obvious mistake of handing over a precious click: the transfer that is ‘already done’ may or may not be Benjamin Sesko and that news comes in the form of a guess from stupid person’s idea of a clever person Martin Keown.
‘I would suggest that there’s already been a player bought, and that it’s already done from an Arsenal point of view. They won’t be making this mistake again.’
But the most important thing is that it is not Alexander Isak, obviously. But he has, though, sent a clear message to Arsenal, so that’s still exciting, isn’t it?
What is this message with its crystal, impossible-to-misinterpret clarity?
Meanwhile, Isak has continued to send a message to prospective clubs as he stole the show for the Swedish national team in a friendly against Northern Ireland. He set up one and scored another in a 5-1 victory over the youthful Northern Irish side.
It really is that simple.
Challenge accepted
Mediawatch will give you 10 guesses at who the quote in this Manchester Evening News headline actually comes from.
Man United receive huge £12m Antony payout warning – ‘I will accept the transfer’
If you said Ben Foster, then we declare you a cheat and a villain. Or someone who, like Mediawatch, simply cannot resist a headline so clearly and obviously full of sh*t and you’d already read it.
Oh, and that £12m payout United have been warned about? That’s the number the MEN have come up with based on numbers Foster has plucked entirely from his arse.
“What will most probably happen is if somebody like Real Betis did sign him, Antony will say to Manchester United ‘I will accept the transfer to Real Betis. However, I’ve still got two or three years left on my contract, which is worth £20m or £30m. What you guys need to do is pay me 40 per cent of that’.”
Headlines from made-up conversations involving hypothetical numbers feels like it’s not a road journalism should really be heading down.
Gotcha
Mediawatch doesn’t really have much to say about this Mail headline…
Joey Barton mocked for 2015 post saying ‘men who hit women are s***houses’, after being found guilty of assaulting his wife
…beyond the need to express a vague sense of unease and mounting nausea at the idea a social-media gotcha is the fresh and exciting angle this grim story requires.
Least Surprising Headline of the Day
From the Mail…
Sean Dyche admits his views ARE in line with viral ‘Utter Woke Nonsense’ meme as he bites back at years of criticism toward his tactical approach
Also a strong contender for ‘Most Underwhelming Use of Shock CAPS In A Mail Online Headline’ if and when we get around to making that an official Mediawatch award category.
‘Of course, I have got some views of modern society, like anybody else has views. It all just adds to the bundle.’
Mediawatch is more grateful than it has perhaps ever been that Dyche does not go into any greater detail than that. Mind you, he probably can’t can he? Not these days. If you express your views on modern society, like anybody else has views, these days, you’ll be arrested and thrown in jail. These days.