A very expensive draft excluder, earlier.Photograph: Julian Finney/Getty Images
WHO SANCHIONED THIS?
Something that goes viral now and again is the particulars of the house sale of someone rich, famous and very possibly lacking in taste. Sure, that saloon bar created in the style of the East End pub off Goodnight Sweetheart felt like a good idea at the time, as did that mirrored master bedroom ceiling adorned in the style of Jeff Koons’ Cicciolina period. How will it sell on the open market? Quartz and pine are very much out, and as for that kitchen island … how much are they going to have to lower the price to get shot? It’s a doer-upper, surely.
Trends move on, and so, at great pace, does the football transfer market. One minute, a player’s a hot prospect, and almost the next the dumper is beckoning. And as transfer fees climb ever upwards – £60m only buys you a “maybe” these days – and wages multiply, there’s an increased chance of expensive, unwanted duds.
Jadon Sancho didn’t ask for Manchester United to pay £73m for him in 2021, though he probably benefited financially. That it didn’t go well at United is now accepted, though failure can have as many fathers as success. He’s hardly the only player to have been chewed up and spat out by the United bone machine. Morgan Schneiderlin, Memphis Depay, Alexis Sánchez, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Antony … the list of the lost is almost endless. Sancho was seen back then as English football’s brightest talent, top of the class at the elite Borussia Dortmund kindergarten, even allowing for Erling Haaland banging them in. In fact, wasn’t it because of Sancho that Haaland looked so bloody good?
Transfers, and the giddy expectation they allow, that mind’s-eye fantasy of what a player will be like before the thudding reality of him actually playing, have made fools of just about every manager and sporting director in the game. In 2009, Real Madrid bought Cristiano Ronaldo, Xabi Alonso and Kaka, a full-on Oxford-Cambridge-Hull/Cleese-Milligan-Sessions trio. It’s the thudding reality part that Sancho has struggled with, his contribution to United negligible, his loan return to Dortmund better but not as good as previously, and now Chelsea, where his impact has slowed to nothing-burger status.
Playing the margins of last summer’s transfer market, Chelsea set up a loan deal leading to a permanent £20m-25m deal, handily paying only half-wages, but such is Sancho’s lack of use they are reported to want to kibosh any deal. Problem being, United get £5m back as a penalty fee. Paying up to not play a player breaks fresh territory in transfer market silliness, even for Chelsea. As despite Sir Big Jim getting a bonus £5m into dwindling coffers, Manchester United still needs a buyer, preferably someone who fancies renovating a player still aged just 25. As for Sancho, he’s reported to hope Dortmund’s ever welcoming bosom stops him becoming yesterday’s man.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“[The fourth official] said I was aggressive – people who know me, I’ve got a Scottish accent. It comes across very aggressive, but I didn’t swear, I didn’t run, in my opinion I wasn’t aggressive. My accent and my Scottishness is aggressive, but yeah, I got sent off for that” – the Exeter City manager, Gary Caldwell, reckons his Caledonian brogue was the reason he was sent from the dugout in Saturday’s draw at Lincoln, earning his second red card this year.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“Brazil in 1982 definitely did have Zico, Falcao, and Socrates [Wednesday’s Football Daily], but that team had the worst goalkeeper in the tournament in Waldir Peres, and the worst center forward in Serginho. Take It from somebody who saw all five of those games in person” – Paul Landaw.
“Further to Michael Madders email in yesterday’s Football Daily about the final minutes of MK Dons v Walsall. It reminds of the time me and an ex girlfriend walked into my local. She knew nothing about football but was endearingly enthusiastic about it, so as I was waiting to get served she excitedly proclaimed that Real Madrid v Parma was being shown on the TV. After a quick glance at the screen, I informed her that it was the much more mundane Reading v Palace that was to provide that night’s viewing” – Adrian Foster.
“You were oversimplifying things by saying that in South America it takes 45 games to eliminate three teams out of 10. We play home and away matches, so it’s really 90 games to eliminate those three teams. Now wait until the World Cup pool is expanded to 64 and it will take the same number of games to eliminate just one team” – Roberto Fusaro (and 1,056 others).
May I be the first of 1,057 to congratulate you on your use of Yiddish in Wednesday’s Football Daily, while correcting your grammar? “Davka” is the adjective, the “-nik” suffix creating a noun meaning somebody who is davka, or as they say in Portuguese, “Mourinho”. Incidentally, “davka” conveys a meaning of “annoyingly precise” so a davkanik would be somebody who … oh...” – Jacob Zelten.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Jacob Zelten, who gets a copy of Engulfed: how Saudi Arabia Bought Sport, and the World. It’s available in the Guardian Bookshop. Terms and conditions for our competitions, when we have them, can be viewed here.
WAX ON, WAX OFF
Kylian Mbappé has finally got his move to England in the form of a waxwork at Madame Tussauds London. Throwing the the same trademark pose that so many visitors wear as they trudge up and down the Euston Road queue outside the famed tourist trap, the Real Madrid forward was pictured alongside his fancy figure after a lengthy process. This included sitting for hundreds of measurements and reference information so the artists ‘could capture Mbappé’s infectious energy in pain-staking precision’. “The artists are so talented – the hair, the pose, it looks just like me, it’s surreal!” parped Mbappé. “I keep thanking the team for their incredible work, and I can’t wait to hear what fans think when they can see it in real life.” Madame Tussauds is also offering free entry to children aged under 16 that visit wearing an official Mbappé shirt from Friday 4th to Monday 21st April. Any adults thinking of visiting Madame Tussauds without any accompanying children are urged (by Football Daily) to ‘get a grip’.
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Max Rushden is joined by Philippe Auclair, Robyn Cowen and Will Unwin to wrap up the international break (and talk to Elis James in a hotel bed in North Macedonia) in the latest Football Weekly podcast.
RECOMMENDED LOOKING
David Squires on … a tribute to Socceroo Jackson Irvine as told by his arm tattoos.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
Renée Slegers was pretty chuffed with her Arsenal side’s comeback win against Real Madrid to advance to the Women’s Big Cup semis. “The result is a credit to everyone, staff and players,” roared the Arsenal manager Slegers.
The rumours are true: the Premier League will have, not one, but two (!) transfer windows this summer owing to the Club World Cup.
In a blow to fantasy teams around the world (and Nottingham Forest), Chris Wood has been ruled out of this weekend’s FA Cup tie at Brighton after suffering hip-ouch during New Zealand’s win over New Caledonia.
The FA has, for now, decided not to push ahead with its plans to expand the English women’s pyramid. The move would have led to the introduction of WSL B teams in the lower tiers from 2026.
And Chelsea fans have urged the Premier League to look into the club co-owner Todd Boehly’s links with the ticket resale website Vivid Seats.
STILL WANT MORE?
Zohib Islam Amiri, the former captain of Afghanistan, despairs at the state of the game in his country. Ed Aarons reports.
This season’s FA Cup has thrown up plenty of upsets, but there are more cup fairytales being written on the continent, notes Niall McVeigh.
Trent Alexander-Arnold’s expected departure signals the start of Liverpool’s rebuild, writes Barney Ronay.
Max Rushden on his love affair with Puma Kings (after a brief fling elsewhere).
Neil Duncanson digs into the mystery and maths of Pelé’s 1000th goal, and the shirt that’ll fetch a few bob.
And Mika Biereth, once of Arsenal and mentored by Ian Wright, is banging them in for Monaco. Luke Entwistle has the Londoner’s story.
MEMORY LANE
FA Cup quarter-final fever grips Highbury in 1973 as fans on the Clock End clamber for a view of the action from any vantage point. A crowd of 62,642 showed up for this sixth-round replay and saw Arsenal recover from Peter Houseman’s 18th-minute goal for Chelsea to win 2-1. An Alan Ball penalty just before half-time and a Ray Kennedy strike on 58 minutes proved decisive for the Gunners. Victory boosted Arsenal’s hopes of a third consecutive Cup final appearance under Bertie Mee’s stewardship but the second-tier giantkillers Sunderland stunned them 2-1 at Hillsborough in the semi-finals before going on to win the trophy with another upset, against Leeds. Arsenal, meanwhile, suffered further Cup disappointment in the short-lived third-placed playoff in August, losing 1-3 to Wolves.
FOG!