[](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEKrG5WRbp2zfwEfIqV-lNYvT0O1Y4mrtNZvQqx3pjaLRwQ4L-ycJQZqb9FhfvrfYYBw0pN9RMaETcsLpBriP58LEws3iajD4VM0rr1X3tvdjN0efuxE0ZSMjdo6kRXmFY8fYxARh0w-Wb8Ad9Jcx6IHEThHQUXKyaTOpe7n1MUqRP4_zIeWxzGSKwUK3O/s1190/1000046955.jpg)
As the Premier league kicks back into gear most folk are keeping an eye on the Lucas Paqueta FA disciplinary hearing. The talismanic Brazilian Hammer could face a life ban for alleged betting-related indiscretions relating to four yellow card offences from 2 years ago.
The odds seem stacked against Paqueta as there is only a need to establish greater than 50% probability rather than the criminal 'beyong reasonable doubt'. Moreover, the likely legal ramifications of not finding him guilty as such that the FA is likely to be well out of pocket if Paqueta is absolved as there will then be the question of the abandoned big bucks transfer to Man city to consider.
Amongst the many points raised by Paqueta's defence is that he tackles like Paul Scoles and is thus prone to more than the odd yellow cardy. Celebrity Hammers fan, George Windybottom, has also waded in stating that creative midfielders need to follow the Di Canio example and never bother to even try to tackle opposition forwards - that's how you win fair play awards, get goal of the season and play your part in the best ever squad to win relegation from the Premier league!
As the hearing rolls in to its third week there has been a major development as Chief Overlord of the Universe Ronald Trumpet has intervened by giving the Hammers star a pardon - even before a verdict can be reached!
The superpowerful one has deemed the FA's actions as "nasty" and added "i don't think they are very good at their job".
He also confirmed that he is almost certainly a Hammer at heart as he stated "Money was never a big motivation for me, except as a way to keep score. The real excitement is playing the game."
It has also been announced that Liverpool are to be hit with 80% tariffs every time they leave the Republic of Scouse, which will probably have very little impact upon the outcome of the Premier League and will in no way protect the Hammers from a thrashing when they travel to Anfield in the coming weeks.
Happy April the first!
COYI!!!