Bill Belichick is on the clock.
His girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, turns 24 Thursday.
Belichick has just one more day to prepare a birthday to remember for Hudson. She has become his social media coordinator, cheer partner, full-time companion, and a de facto assistant general manager of the North Carolina football program.
Ponce de León landed in Florida searching for the Fountain of Youth. Ponce landed 1,020 miles too far south and 500 years too soon.
Belichick found it on Cape Cod.
This is Hudson’s first birthday since she and The Hoodie became a public item. All eyes will be on her social media feeds to see what the big lug can do to make this day special.
A dinner to remember – as long it’s before 4:30 p.m.
Then Mike Lombardi jumps out of the birthday cake.
Will Bill bring the bling?
He drops to one knee: “Sweetheart. We’ve dominated in all three phases. Now, it’s on to marriage. Do your job and say ‘yes.’ Then help me get up.”
BB places a ring around Jordon’s finger. She drapes a Life Alert around his neck.
First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes BB pushing the baby carriage?
Any future Bill Belichick offspring would be younger than his 6 current grandchildren.
“Uncle Billy, can I get your sippy cup?”
According to a birth announcement in the April 24, 2001, local edition of the Bangor Daily News, Jordon Isabella Roosevelt Hudson entered this world at Maine Coast Memorial Hospital on April 3 of that same year.
She’s the female version of “Sign Kid.” Her birth heralded a dynasty.
“13 Parades In 23 Years”
The Patriots took Super Bowl 36 before her 1st birthday.
When she was 3, the Patriots won their 3rd Super Bowl.
She would have watched Malcolm Butler’s interception in Super Bowl 49 live as an 8th-grader at Nauset Regional Middle School.
Hudson celebrated/co-opted 3-28 with Belichick on Instagram last week. What should be a holiday in the Commonwealth commemorates the Patriots’ come-from-behind victory over the Falcons in Super Bowl 51. The “80 For Brady” ladies traveled from New England to Texas for that Big Game. But it turns out Brady and Gronk weren’t the only hunks on the Patriots sidelines.
The 15-year-old Jordon was a sophomore cheerleader for the Nauset Regional High School Warriors.
Give me an “H.” Give me an “O.” Give me another “O.” Give me a “D.” Give me an “I.” Give me an “E.”
“What does that spell?” “Hoodie!” “Hoodie!” “Let’s go, Hoodie!”
Super Bowl 53 came during her senior year. The Patriots have not won a playoff game since Hudson graduated from Nauset Regional.
Never mind Gisele Bundchen’s well-documented witchcraft.
That may be the real curse.
Hudson’s relationship with Belichick, a mere 48 years her senior from tomorrow until April 16, has captivated Patriots Nation, not to mention a chunk of American culture.
Humanity shares a universal obsession with love and money.
We want to know how much everyone else makes and with whom everyone else is romantically linked.
Throw in a half-century difference in age, and you have a ready-made Netflix series.
A young collegiate cheerleader catches the eye of a 60-something-at-the-time NFL coach in the final throes of his team’s dynasty while on a commercial flight.
The connection is at first intellectual.
But the heart wants what it wants.
Nature, ego, biology, and modern pharmaceuticals do the rest.
Love Wins!
Belichick once mocked social media as “Snap Face.” He demanded his players get “No Days Off.”
Now he’s become a social media sidekick.
Belichick depicted a fisherman to her mermaid. Belichick flexed his Old Man (leg) strength by supporting her in a subtle tribute to Rose’s iconic “Titanic” pose. He meekly played along with the “3-28” tribute.
Hudson even landed a cameo in Belichick’s “DunKings” Super Bowl spot.
Belichick’s public transformation/decline has been remarkable since Hudson’s last birthday. A year ago, Belichick was an NFL legend spurned just waiting to exact his revenge on the fools who snubbed him following his dismissal from the Patriots.
Belichick’s name was attached to every floundering NFL franchise. He would be coaching the Giants/Cowboys/Jets/Browns/Jaguars before you knew it.
But this is no longer Amanda, Brian, or Stephen Belichick’s dad’s NFL.
Belichick and his acolytes have become artefacts. At the MIT Sloan Sports Analytics conference in Boston last month, the “New Age NFL Front Office” panel included long-time Patriots’ player personnel director Scott Pioli. He helped Belichick craft the Patriots roster from 2000-08.
At 60, Pioli represented the NFL Old Guard. His argument was that experience is still relevant in the modern game amid an ocean of analytics and AI. The jury was deadlocked.
It’s not just young NFL executives and brainiacs who have canceled Belichick. Mike Vrabel took a chainsaw to any connection that he had with Belichick’s coaching tree in an interview with 98.5 The Sports Hub on Monday.
North Carolina failed to dazzle the recruiting/portal nerds. But the ACC is in flux. There is opportunity. Belichick could not create a winning team in the wake of Brady’s departure. Perhaps he’ll have better luck with UNC on the heels of Drake Maye.
Tobacco Road isn’t paved with football. UNC got bounced in the first round of the NCAA Tournament. Meanwhile, the hated Dukies are rolling toward another potential title. Chapel Hill may become Boot Hill if Belichick’s Tar Heels don’t produce big-time tangible results. Now. The locals are feeling Carolina blue.
Those concerns wait – at least until they cut the cake tomorrow.
What is Jordon’s ring size, anyway?
_Bill Speros (@BillSperos and @RealOBF) on X can be reached at bsperos1@gmail.com. His brother Ted also celebrates his birthday tomorrow. He will be 24. Again._