Nearly ten years on from the chaos of the infamous “Battle of the Bridge” – you know, the night we surrendered the title to Leicester while booting Eden Hazard into orbit – Spurs are heading back to Stamford Bridge for another episode in our long-running, often painful, London rivalry with Chelsea. This Thursday night clash promises drama, heartbreak, and possibly some football in between.
The last time these two shared a pitch, it was a seven-goal rollercoaster at our place, where Chelsea somehow emerged 4-3 winners despite our best attempts to defy logic, VAR, and the laws of physics. That night featured red cards, disallowed goals, and the general kind of mayhem you’d expect from a fixture that’s never boring – unless you support Spurs, in which case it’s mostly just traumatic.
Blue Wobble, But They’re Still Ahead of Us (Obviously)
Chelsea had been enjoying a mini revival under Enzo Maresca – yes, him – winning four on the trot in all competitions, before Arsenal predictably did us no favours and beat them 1-0 just before the international break. That loss made it three defeats in five Premier League games for the Blues, who now find themselves clinging onto fourth like a man on a ledge, one point above Man City and just two ahead of Newcastle, who – unlike us – have a game in hand and a coherent midfield.
The west Londoners are still hopeful of returning to the Champions League next season, and their upcoming run of fixtures looks gentle enough to help them stumble over the line – especially with a Conference League quarter-final against Legia Warsaw adding some European spice to their calendar.
More worrying for us is their home form. They’ve won four straight at Stamford Bridge in the league, keeping clean sheets against Southampton and Leicester. And, joy of joys, they haven’t kept three in a row there without conceding in five seasons – the last time they did, it included a 2-0 win over, yep, you guessed it.
To make matters bleaker, no club has beaten or scored against Spurs more in Premier League history than Chelsea. 36 wins and 120 goals against us – we’re practically their favourite hobby.
Postecoglou’s Patience Tested as Spurs Slump
And what of us? Well, we went into the break off the back of a sobering 2-0 defeat to Fulham. Rodrigo Muniz and, inevitably, former Spur Ryan Sessegnon did the damage, leaving us languishing in 14th place, somehow 10 points off the top half. It’s April. This is real life.
Ange Postecoglou, bless him, is starting to look like a man reconsidering his life choices. Europa League glory remains a mathematical possibility, but that defeat to Fulham – labelled “unacceptable” – has cast another shadow over his already wobbly reign. Lose to Chelsea, and Ange could become the first Spurs boss ever to lose his first four league games against them. How’s that for history?
Our London derby record this season is dismal: five losses from nine, joint-worst in the league alongside Brentford. The last time we lost more derbies in a campaign was back when mullets were still fashionable. We’ve also lost eight of our 14 away games, and if we’re not careful, we could hit our worst away loss tally since the days of Juande Ramos. Deep breaths.
Oh, and we haven’t won at Stamford Bridge since 2018. That was back when Dele Alli was scoring for fun and we still had vague hopes of a trophy. Simpler times.
Team News: Patchwork Squads All Round
Chelsea are without Mykhaylo Mudryk (suspended) and hamstrung duo Marc Guiu and Omari Kellyman, but could have Cole Palmer, Nicolas Jackson and Noni Madueke back. Palmer and Jackson returning would boost their attack significantly – just what we needed.
In defence, Reece James may move back to right-back, with Wesley Fofana sliding in centrally alongside Levi Colwill. Between the sticks, Maresca will choose between Robert Sanchez and Filip Jorgensen – both competent enough to deal with our recent “attack.”
For Spurs, it’s still no Radu Dragusin, who’s out for the season. However, Lucas Bergvall, Dejan Kulusevski, Kevin Danso and Richarlison might be fit – they’ll all face late assessments. If Danso doesn’t make it, expect Romero to pair up with Van de Ven at centre-back, and there’s talk of Djed Spence getting a go at full-back, either side.
Captain Son could finally return to the starting XI after a few bench appearances, likely displacing Mathys Tel, while Maddison, Pape Sarr and Wilson Odobert are all vying for starts.
Predicted Lineups
Chelsea: Sanchez; James, Fofana, Colwill, Cucurella; Caicedo, Fernandez; Neto, Palmer, Sancho; Jackson
Spurs: Vicario; Porro, Romero, Van de Ven, Spence; Sarr, Bentancur, Maddison; Johnson, Solanke, Son
Let’s be honest, there’s always drama when we play Chelsea – but neither team is exactly brimming with confidence right now. Our record at the Bridge is, frankly, cursed, and while we’d all love a big upset, history and recent form suggest we’ll probably fall just short.
Still, there’s always hope – and if nothing else, we can pray for a little chaos. It’s the Tottenham way.