communication, they argue, but research does provide general blueprints for working through the many barriers that exist to social connection.
The first step, Merolla said, is simply to own it.
“Normalizing the challenges of interpersonal communication can go a long way,” he said. “Struggle, conflict and disappointment are not antithetical to care, love and support. They’re all parts of being interdependent with others. When we endeavor to connect, we’re inevitably going to fall short at times.
“Life demands a lot from us each day, and there are ever-growing external forces pulling us apart from one another. Against these headwinds, it’s totally understandable that we’d prefer to sidestep the messiness and awkwardness of everyday interaction — be it with strangers, coworkers, friends or family. But there can be real costs to this at individual and societal levels. Turning away from others can crystallize into personal routines of disconnection. Once that kind of social inertia sets in, it can become difficult for us to endure the social stress necessary to be trusted and accountable relational partners — the bedrock of healthy relationships.”
So how do you cultivate a healthy social biome? According to the authors, it depends. Variability abounds. Some of us are already maxed out on daily communication due to work and family responsibilities and can’t manage a shred more. Others have loads of alone time and fewer opportunities for interaction. Some face stigma and threats to safety that may restrict who they’re comfortable interacting with. Merolla and Hall’s book attempts to meet people where they’re at.