BIG GABI NEWS IS BAD đźš‘
The big news this morning is what I told you to brace for yesterday: Big Gabi is done for the season. He’s had surgery. That’s our third hamstring surgery this season. To put that in perspective, my good friend who works in physical therapy said he hasn’t dealt with three hamstring surgeries in his entire career. It’s rare, it’s concerning, but I’m not going to blame Arteta for this one. It was a consequence of the fall—basically an impact issue. Not like having Kai training in Dubai or watching Saka hobble around for a month before he broke himself.
The bigger issue is that we have broken soldiers all over our defence. Ben White is nursing an injury that’ll probably keep him out for the next two weeks. Jurrien Timber likely won’t be fit for Everton, and Calafiori is highly unlikely to be in contention for the Madrid games.
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We’re literally going to have to roll the dice on Kiwior for the biggest two games of the season, and it makes me pig sick. The Polish Rob Holding up against the greatest attack in the world. You can’t blame squad planning here—we load up on defenders at Arsenal like America loads up on tarriffs. This season has just been a sickener from start to finish. I hate it. The only hope I have is that we’ve gotten all the bad luck out of the system now, we take advantage of the summer break, and come back onfire next year.
Listen, I don’t mean to harp on about the January transfer window fetishisation, but we are now in April, and I think we can have a grown-up conversation about the players we missed out on. Were these miracle buys really going to get us to a Premier League title? We can never know for sure if a signing would have worked out in the Arsenal environment—but I can write in such a manner that the outcome of my conclusions leaves no doubt: they all would have failed. It’s my blog, I do as I please.
Mikel Merino has only been outscored by one Premier League player since the window closed. That player? Mo Salah. Ballon d’Or heir apparent. No one—and I meanno one—has a better goals-to-shots ratio in the league outside of Mikel Merino.
Ollie Watkins, ÂŁ60m at 29 years old, has scored fewer goals than Merino.
Marmoush, a £65m buy, has scored the same number of goals as Merino—but that’s one goal and a hat trick, so he’s contributed in fewer games.
It feels cruel to even mention Mathys Tel, who’s had more run-ins with angry Spurs fans than he has goals in the Premier League. He has zero when it comes to G&As.
I normally just steal Matt Kandela’s thoughts on the blog, but he’s getting wise to it. This is what he said on Marcus Rashford:
“Marcus Rashford's renaissance since being rescued from exile at Manchester United was illustrated again when he broke the deadlock with his first Premier League goal for the club.” It’s April. Lol.
Can you imagine the uproar if we’d brought him in on full salary and his total contribution in the league was two assists against Chelsea and a goal against Brighton... the day after Saka returned to action? Pitiful. Low risk isnot £350k a week.
Some folk have indicated that this commentary isn’t proper—because at Arsenal, you instantly become a great striker because we’re so good. Guys and gals… really? What happened to Sterling then? Same age as Watkins. What happened to our forward line and midfielders this season? Only one player has more than 10 goals. Our problem this season was not “one more player.”
January is like buying star players from Portugal… mostly disappointing.
I’m not overly interested in talking about the Liverpool win. The title is done. Let go of it and move on.
Itwas funny to see United lose again.
Itwas a bit upsetting to see our Isak dream move further out of reach as they continue to climb the league. But, as I’ve kind of thought all season, Isak has always felt like a fantastical pipe dream. He’s injury-prone, playing for the richest club in the world, and the starting point on the price tag is £120m+. I can’t see a club like Arsenal dropping that type of money with the holes we need to fill this summer. Benjamin Šeško is still the player for me, and I think Arsenal are more likely to move for him than for Gyökeres. He’s younger, has a higher ceiling, is more heavily scouted, and represents way less long-term risk.
Another player with a high ceiling is Nico Williams. The feeds have been set on fire today with a load of random Twitter accounts I’ve never heard of claiming he’s the guy Berta is working hard to bring to the carpet. You always need to dosomething to establish yourself in a high-power job. You can fire someone, hire a big name, take control of something, bring a project to life… or you can sign Nico Williams, a player Arteta seems to be in love with.
My head would be turned. I have serious questions about his pitiful goal output, but his talent isn’t in doubt—and young players tend to develop the goalscoring side of their game in their twenties. If Berta can get this one over the line, I’d feel a bit better about all the other stuff that’s been bothering me this week.
Finally, it’s rumoured Arsenal are looking for talent for an Arsenal dating show. It’s weird. Off the wall. But I cannot deny that a salacious dating show isnot beneath me. I’ll watch it for sure. I don’t quite know what the club is trying to achieve with this sort of content play, but I assume there’s some rationale beyondWE MUST ENTERTAIN. I had a boss once who encouraged people to meet at work because it made them more loyal to the company. Pretty sick if Arsenal are doing that. Some crazy lower-funnel marketing CIA shit right there.
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