For the first time in the history of European football, two clubs have arrived for a major final in clown cars. Join me to pick through it and try and make sense of it all.
Eyes down for a full house, because it's time for the European final that makes a mockery of European football! It's 16th versus 17th in the Premier League for a place next season's Champions League! It's Manchester United vs Spurs, live from Valladolid!
If you want a semi-serious preview of the match, I'll gently nudge you in the direction ofthe one I wrote for Fotmob. I went for 2-2 draw and a penalty shootout that stretches on into tomorrow morning over there, and I was only half-joking.
This match could really end up with just about anything happening, up to and including a sinkhole opening up and swallowing both teams whole, so predicting the result of this one really did feel even more difficult than usual. I'll be back at about 7.45 with a bit more preamble and some team news. See you there, I hope!
7.45: Well good evening, you ‘orrible lot. It’s time for the Europa League Final between Manchester United and Spurs, and yes, I am still sniggering at the absoluteaudacity of it. I mean, these two have been absolute car crashes in the Premier League season, but somehow they’ve both pulled their fingers out of their fundaments in Europe. Either that or the Premier League is just so much better than every other League in Europe at the moment that they might as well be the Harlem Bleedin’ Globetrotters. Though, to be fair, we didn’t see too much evidence of that in the Champions League this season.
(Actually, it is the truth that the middle-rankings of the Premier League are way stronger than those in other countries because of the Premier League’s television money. I can assure you that the 16th and 17th-placed teams in Belgium have not been turning over the sort of money that Spurs and United have at their disposal. Now that I’m writing a lot about about EFL transfers, I see this a lot - Championship clubs are seen as viable options for clubs in the lower reaches of Ligue Un or the Portuguese Primeira Liga, for example.)
Anyway, how about some teams?
Tottenham Hotspur: Vicario, Porro, Romero, van de Ven, Udogie, Sarr, Bissouma, Bentancur, Johnson, Solanke, Richarlison.
Subs: Austin, Whiteman, Danso, Son, Tel, Gray, Spence, Odobert, Davies, Scarlett, Moore, Ajayi.
Manchester United: Onana, Yoro, Maguire, Shaw, Mazraoui, Casemiro, Fernandes, Dorgu, Diallo, Mount, Hojlund.
Subs: Bayindir, Lindelof, Zirkzee, Eriksen, Garnacho, Dalot, Ugarte, Heaven, Evans, Mainoo, Amass, Collyer.
Richarlison in favour of Son is a bold move, and one that could backfire. Presumably Ange Postecoglou thinks that Richarlison’s muscular hustle and bustle will work better against Manchester United’s milquetoast central defence. Solanke still feels like their most likely outlet for goals tonight. Mason Mount, who still exists, starts for United. They have Zirkzee and Dalot on the bench who were bothreally touch and go for this one, while Lemy Yoro is back.
But Spurs are already missing James Maddison, Dejan KulusevskiandLucas Bergvall, and that’s a big hole carved right in the middle of that team. I can’t see past a Manchester United win, in honesty. That Massive Club Arrogance can come in mighty handy at times such as this. Manchester United have been a soap opera for more than a decade now, but at least they’ve won some goddam silverware in that time.
Look at them all, inside the stadium. Fools.
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