Luke Chadwick has spoken to the Manchester Evening News and reflected on his journey to Man Utd, his time at the club and why he became a figure of fun for others.
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Luke Chadwick celebrates scoring against Leeds
Luke Chadwick celebrates scoring against Leeds - the highlight of his United career
Luke Chadwick can still remember the first time. He was a Manchester United youngster on loan at Antwerp in Belgium and finally starting to feel like a professional footballer. He was playing regularly, playing well, and loving his time there.
He was such a part of the club that he was asked to do an interview with a national newspaper. Then just 19, he hadn't done any media training at United and hated speaking to the press, but he did it and stumbled his way through it. He went out and bought a copy of the newspaper to see what kind of rave review he was going to get.
"I don’t even know why I bought it because I can’t speak Flemish, I can’t read it, but there was a couple of words in there I could get," said Chadwick.
In fairness, it didn't take a lot of translating. 'Dentures a la Bugs Bunny,' was one. There were several references to 'acne'. Chadwick's heart sank.
"It just made me feel so uncomfortable. I just felt like so many people are going to be reading this and I felt such a massive sense of embarrassment," Chadwick tells the Manchester Evening News.
"I wanted to go and get all the copies so no one else could read it. It was just a really unpleasant, uncomfortable feeling. It was like I was embarrassed for myself, I'm embarrassed that loads of people are going to see what this person has wrote about me and I just felt, I don't know, I struggled to let it go out of my mind, it was always just there, it was something I just kept thinking about."
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Chadwick first touched on the issues he had felt when his looks became such a part of the public consciousness in a social media post during lockdown in 2020. He talks about it candidly again in his new book, Not Just A Pretty Face, and more than two decades on from when he became an unwitting celebrity for something other than his football, he is unflinchingly honest about how it made him feel.
After his post five years ago, he received apologies from Nick Hancock and Gary Lineker for their part in the mickey-taking on the TV game show 'They Think It’s All Over', but he said it was unnecessary then and is still unnecessary now. He holds no bitterness towards the people involved, and if anything seems more self-critical, that he was unable to understand why it was making him feel the way he did.
"I felt quite helpless about it because I'd never open up, I'd never talk about it because I didn't have the self-awareness to do it, I didn't have the emotional intelligence to say 'this is bothering me'," said Chadwick, who never had an issue with how he looked.
“When you don't do that, it just gets worse and worse and it's just a vicious circle. When I got back to England and it got worse, I just thought that that's all I am, I'm just a picture of fun, someone that looks funny to people, that doesn't look how a footballer or anyone should look.
"The biggest challenge was how I was with myself because I treated myself so unkindly about it, I wouldn't give myself a break, it was like ‘Why are you letting this affect you?"
Chadwick refused to speak to friends and family about the issue and insisted all was fine, but inside things got so bad that as his career as a United player came to an end in 2004, he could see an upside in disappearing out of the public eye a little.
"I'd just try and sweep it to the back of my mind, I wouldn't speak to my family about it, I wouldn't speak to my girlfriend about it, I wouldn't speak to my friends if anyone said anything about it," he said.
"I'd just sort of say, 'don't bother me, it's funny', laugh along with it and that sort of thing, where inside it was eating away at me and I think it got to a point when I did leave that it was quite a relief to be out and where not many people are as bothered about you when you're playing in the Championship."
Luke Chadwick on MUTV
Chadwick now does punditry with MUTV
Chadwick reflects on that time in the early 2000s as a big part of his journey and something that has helped him understand his own mental health and how important it is to open up.
"It's a massive part of my life and my self-development, in terms of going through that has allowed me to understand my thoughts and feelings, my mental health a lot better, and to be able to deal with that," he said.
"I just thought I was weak, stop being weak, which was the completely wrong way to think about it, but unfortunately, that's how I was at the time, and I thought I can't be vulnerable, the only people that are are weak people, which is completely wrong.
"It's still going on that journey of learning about yourself that being vulnerable is the only way we can deal with challenging situations and to talk out and to speak about them."
Chadwick met with the MEN at Hotel Football. He was recognised by one young fan who asked for a selfie, but the 44-year-old revealed that when he returns to Manchester and the stadium he graced for a few years, he struggles to piece together that young footballer and the man he is now.
"When I look back now and walk past Old Trafford, I cannot believe that I used to play in that stadium and the enormity of it now is much bigger than when you're actually in it," he said.
"I definitely didn't appreciate it. I think it's hard as a 19 or 20-year-old kid to really appreciate what you're doing and know that you're in a very privileged situation.
"I recognise that you've got to be very special to stay at Man United for a long period of time, but it's more football in general, you're doing something you love doing, but it's something where you're never satisfied, you're never really happy.
"There's always something good that happens, but then it's on to the next one and you never really get that satisfaction. I've done something that I've loved doing. I've played at Old Trafford a few times. It's crazy."
Chadwick's book is searingly honest and full of humour and the title reveals he is not afraid of poking a little fun at himself as well. It also reveals a footballer who never lost his love of the game.
He was with Arsenal when United approached him about a trial at the age of 14. Although a Cambridge United fan, he followed Manchester United thanks to the emergence of young players like Ryan Giggs, and when offered the chance of a week-long trial, he jumped at it.
He met Alex Ferguson on the final day and scored in front of the Scot. He felt he had done well and chewed over the week on the train back to his Cambridgeshire village where he was picked up by his mum.
"When she picked me up, I got in the car and she said that Alex Ferguson had phoned her up and asked if I would sign," remembers Chadwick.
"I thought she was mucking about to start with, but to get that there was only one club I was going to. I was so scared though because I had to tell Arsenal."
They didn't want to take no for an answer, so youth team boss Terry Murphy told manager Bruce Rioch, and they turned up at the Chadwick residence to make their case.
"We sat with Bruce and Terry knowing that I was going to sign for United," said Chadwick. "As soon as United offered me something, I was never going to go [back to Arsenal]. I didn't tell Bruce that, I just said I needed a bit of time to think about it. I think I got my mum to phone up Terry in the end.
"Arsenal was obviously a brilliant football club, but I didn't really enjoy it that much, going there training on a Wednesday night, going into London, going to Highbury. Some brilliant players, the coaches were great, but I was so shy and introverted back then, I was really uncomfortable, I really disliked playing with people that I wasn’t comfortable with.
"At United it was just the way that you were made to feel, you just immediately felt even as a 14 year old kid part of something really special and I absolutely loved it and felt so different, I didn't feel as shy or as introverted, I felt really comfortable because of the way that the coaches were and they were so enthusiastic, they were so happy to see us kids that were there as well and I just fell in love with it straight away."
Chadwick was scouted and signed as a striker, but he lacked the physical strength to play up front and was turned into a hard-working winger by Eric Harrison.
As he progressed through the ranks, there was a little excitement and expectation in the air around Chadwick, and he admits he got "big-headed" at one point. He was then dropped for an FA Youth Cup tie against Blackburn and brought back down to earth.
Luke Chadwick celebrates against Leeds
Chadwick celebrates with his United teammates against Leeds
He did crack the first team. He made 39 appearances and scored two goals, both in the Premier League, one of which was the clear highlight of his time at the club.
"I think the one that I still dine out on today was scoring at Elland Road. I think that goal was the best three-yard tap-in of all time," he said. "I came on at half-time because I think Nicky Butt got injured in a re-jig in midfield, and Nigel Martyn was one of the best goalies in the Premier League at the time but he had an absolute stinker that day.
"I remember just tapping it in and running off like a lunatic. I was just euphoric. I remember warming up in the first half constantly, because I think Butty had a problem early on and the dogs abuse I was getting when I was running up and down that touch line.
“It just felt like when I scored, I was just absolutely buzzing that I'd scored at their end as well."
Chadwick can also remember the game when he realised he was done at Old Trafford.
"I think when I realised that my time was coming to an end, I came on off the bench. It was against Olympiakos [in October 2002] and we were winning 2-0. I came on as a double sub with Quinton Fortune with about 20 minutes to go.
"I'd just come back from being off for a couple of months with problems with my groin and pelvis and I felt like I just couldn't get out of third gear.
"They came back, made it 2-2, and I was thinking 'that's because I've come on, we were winning 2-0'. I remember Scholesy scored a worldie to make it 3-2 at the end so we ended up winning but I just sort of sat in the dressing room after that game thinking, ‘I'm just not at the level here, I need to get my injury sorted’ and I think I just need to start a different challenge, something where I can feel like I'm offering a lot more than I was at the time."
While Chadwick contributed to the United cause on the pitch, in a way, it's the daily training sessions he remembers and the standards set then that made the days in between games even more challenging.
"Every day was so intense," he said. "I remember the season when I was in and around it and sort of played a few games, didn't start many, which meant if you weren't playing you'd train more or less every day for the Champions League and everything, and at the end of the season I was just absolutely exhausted, like physically and mentally, because it was just so, so intense every day.
"You've got 25 of the best players in the country, and they're all desperate to win the training games and everything. The amount that helps you as a young player, and the lessons I learned from the club are what allowed me to go and have a career in professional football.
"It was such a steep learning curve, it's given everything every day, and that's what created the success of the club."
Chadwick's career eventually ended at his boyhood club, and he admits he struggled with the end of his playing career.
"I didn't really know what I was going to do, and mentally I just lost all of my identity," he said. "I'd always been a footballer and I thought ‘that’s the best part of life over now’. It's all going to be rubbish now. I'm just going to get old. What do old footballers do? Become coaches."
But he didn't enjoy it. The kid who loved football and maintained that passion throughout his career now found himself moaning at referees and the children he coached. He admits he "hated the person" he had become at football.
A business opportunity with former colleagues attracted him to the Football Fun Factory, a project offering fun football to children that he is now passionate about.
"I was seven or eight and I signed for my first grassroots club called Melbourn Tigers. I remember the coaches were called Colin and Martin and I still remember them to this day, they made it so much fun and they were probably the most important coaches, because if I didn't get them positive early experiences I probably wouldn't have become a professional footballer. I wouldn't still love football.
"It's so important so the opportunity to do that on a mass scale, so tens and thousands of children are joining the Football Fun Factory programs and falling in love with football really captured my imagination."
It is back where the journey began for Chadwick.
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It's Not Just A Pretty Face, published by Pitch Publishing, is available now